any tips for coping with panic in meetings?

[hamster lady]

Hi everyone

I have been having a really bad time with my anxiety, panic attacks and agarophobia and I am absolutely dreading next Monday because I have got to go to a meeting with my son's Headteacher and Flexible Learning Coordinator to discuss his schooling and his illness. He is still too poorly for school so we have a lot to sort out and the meetings can sometimes be stressful! At the last meeting they wanted him to go in for one hour three days a week but it made him really poorly and I don't want the same thing to happen again, I've got to stand up for what is best for him. The last meeting we had I just about coped but the Headteacher's office is extremely hot and stuffy which doesn't help feelings of panic. I just don't know how I am going to get through it without panicking and making a fool of myself in front of everyone, especially the Headteacher, I've got to appear as a mother in control! I won't be able to use my paper bag or lavender oil in there, I'm going to have to try and control my racing heart somehow. My only hope is that I will be concentrating so much on sorting out things for my son that it will take my mind off my panic.

I am also suffering with feelings of agarophobia at the moment and I've also got to cope with getting a taxi there (I don't drive) and then pushing my son home in his wheelchair. I haven't walked that far on my own for a long time, but I hope that chatting with my son on the way home that I can cope with it. I also have the option of phoning for a taxi on my mobile after the meeting but there might be a bit of a wait for a taxi, I know I'll just be wanting to get home!

I am absolutely dreading it and my anxiety levels are going up just thinking about it. I went out today shopping with my dad and I coped with the coffee shop but my heart started pounding when we went to the supermarket but the only positive thing was that it didn't turn into a full-blown panic attack because I just told myself that it was adrenaline causing my symptoms so maybe that was a bit of a breakthrough?

Have any of your guys got any tips for getting through meetings without getting a panic attack, was there anything that helped you? I really cannot have a panic attack there, I don't want them to know that I'm struggling with everything. My mum suggested that maybe I take a betablocker on that day but I'm too scared to take them at the moment. Maybe I could try one over the weekend and see how it makes me feel? I really want to cancel it but I can't, I've got to go through with it, it is too important. Any advice would be grately appreciated.

[OneDay]

Hi
I think the anticipation of something like this is worse than actually doing it, you have all that time to build yourself up and run through every scary scenario of how bad it could be, easy option would be to just not think about it but I know that won't happen because that's how we are, we think and overthink everything and there's more pressure because you know how important the meeting is! What a pain! The trouble is even after all the thinking and worrying for days before the event we still go and do it anyway and it's always fine!

Part of my anxiety was always how I would look to someone else if I had a panic attack or fainted or just lost control totally and the fear of that stopped me doing so much. Now it doesn't, I do more or less what I want when I want, I just tell myself if I don't like the situation I will leave it whether it's a meeting a supermarket or a school play, I don't care where it is or what people think, I will say sorry I just need some air and I will get up and leave anytime I want, this has never happened since I started thinking this way,for some reason just convincing myself I can do that if I want to helps me , it's like reverse phsycology I guess.

I've sat in meetings and had those negative thoughts and got so mad at it I tell myself go on have a full blown panic right now, just lose control right now cos I really don't care anymore, but it never happens! When I had to do the school run and I'd worry about having a panic attack I just started telling myself ok if I'm gonna have a panic attack I'll just lay on the floor and look like an idiot and have it and people can just walk around me because I really don't care! Took me a long while to just start thinking that way naturally but honestly doing the opposite of what ur thoughts are telling you to do really works because after a while you stop fearing it.

I hope at least some of that makes sense x

[Utility]

I have to say that I agree with what "OneDay" has said. I do a lot of meetings and went through a phase of dreading them and panicing during them. Now I don't realy think too much about them in advance or if I feel warm or uncomfortable I'll either ask if I can open a window or excuse myself and leave the meeting for a few minutes. What I certainly don't do anymore is worry about what others think and to be honest nobody ever finds it strange. I return to the meeting sit down and smile and carry on.

One other control measure I find quite useful is to think about the poor souls in war torn countries or an area that has perhaps suffered some natural disaster - then I appreciate what I have.

[theoldcorner]

Hi Hl,
I feel for you on this one as I often get sensations like tingly hands, blurred vision, light headedness and dry thorat when in meetings. As you say, hot rooms and bright fluroescent lights don't help.

In the end I had to just come clean and explain the problem in advance. People were surprisingly understanding. They would open windows, let me sit closer to the door, give me a glass of water etc.

I've read that having a chilled bottle of water to hold and sip from sometimes helps. I really hope you get through this.

Best wishes, Shaun

[Sanmarbro]

OK so the worst case scenario is that you feel unwell whilst with the Head. Just tell him you feel unwell (a headache perhaps?) and need to get a little air. You could dab lavender oil on your temples, take Bach Rescue Remedy with you. Instead of a paper bag you can cup your hands together over your nose and mouth.

Is it feasible to have someone to go with you ... moral support, an extra pair of hands for your son's wheelchair etc. No reason why you can't take someone with you ... they could phone for the taxi if need be. Your Dad perhaps?

You can slow and control your breathing ... practise that beforehand.

You could try taking a tablet as a trial run beforehand.

Write down what you need to convey to the Head and give him your notes if need be - would make it easier for you and him.

Both you and he have your son's best interests at heart. You will be working together.

As for the taxi, if you don't take someone with you, you could ask towards the end of the meeting whether the Head's secretary could phone for a taxi to save time as you would like to get your son home as quickly as possible.

[Thistooshallpass]

I think the thing that worries me in meetings is that I can't leave or if I do there is nowhere to go/look an idiot and what if I am still panicking and then can't go back in? A lot of my fears are around what will people think of me and not that anything really bad will happen to be health wise. I know they can't hurt me. My fear of meetings actually started off as fear of people hearing my tummy rumble or blushing when asked a question/asked to talk about something. Now it is mainly a fear of panicing in front of others. Maybe if I say I just don't care anymore it would release a lot of that tension which heightens the anxiety even more. I spend alot of time thinking about ways to show I am not anxious my body is probably rebelling

[hamster lady]

Thank you so much everyone for your help and advice, it is very much appreciated. I have solved one of the problems, my mum and dad said that they will come over to visit on that day and my dad will take us to the meeting and then pick us up, so that has made me feel a bit better. I will try and practise my deep breathing before I go in and dab some neroli oil onto my wrists so that I can sniff it to help calm me down. I got through the last meeting so hopefully I can do it again without getting a full-blown panic attack. The last time I felt really lightheaded and dizzy, it didn't help that it was really hot and there were no windows open. My heart started to race but I tried my best to try and calm down in there. I think it is true that sometimes the build up to something like this is worse than doing it! If I feel really bad in there I will just say that I feel ill and that I need some air and just go out the room for a while, but hopefully that won't happen. I will let you know how I get on, fingers crossed I can do it!

[oldtime]

I'm suffering from this anxiety as well, but fortunately have not yet had a full blown PA in a meeting, although I have felt them coming on. The CBT course I'm doing says that you should not make an excuse and leave the meeting, you should not resist the PA , instead let it happen in front of everybody. This is the only way to overcome the fear longer term. Of course this might not be possible if you are meeting external clients but for internal / team meetings it does make some sense.

I've tried to use the mindfullness approach of turning my attention outwards by listening and looking at the people around me this distracts you from what you are feeling inside. But this is not really the right thing to do, mindlfullness should not be used for distraction.