Hi WillyB,
Don't back out!! All that will do is set you back further as the fear only intensifies the more times you avoid it.
I backed out of a holiday a year ago, as late as the VERY DAY I was due to go. I spent the whole day before I was due to leave very anxious - sweating, crying, deciding to go/not go,just in complete fear. I could not sleep a wink and then finally I decided I just couldn't go through with it in the early hours of the departure day.
I was so angry with myself and the fact my anxiety had done that. I lost money on the flight, even though thankfully I only had to pay to change the flight date and not cancel altogether but I lost all my accommodation money.
Please, please try not to look any further than tomorrow right now. Don't dwell on 'what if this/that happens? what if I am feeling really anxious again and all the same things happen?' Those thoughts serve no purpose except to bring on all the feelings and symptoms you fear.
Anticipation is the culprit for us, as all those 'what ifs' just make us unwell. Instead of telling yourself that you will feel bad again like before, repeat to yourself mentally 'this time will be different. I CAN do this. This is my anxiety talking and I WILL have a good holiday.' It is hard to do, but it does work I assure you.
Positivity not negativity is a lot of the battle with anxiety.
The last time I travelled in March I had anxiety again but this time I literally made myself go and just kept telling myself that everything was going to be fine. It's hard but it can be done. Anxiety cannot and must not control us. We are the boss and at the end of the day, all anxiety is is smoke and mirrors.
You can do this hun. Don't let it beat you.xxx