Anxiety 7/10 (how bad I feel out of 10)
Depression 7/10
Confidence 4/10
Relaxation 3/10
Stress 8/10

I'm feeling a little strange today. My body is tense, tired, stiff and achy. My chest feels a little tight. I know that I feel this way because my body is braced for danger. It's very frustrating because I have been proactively trying to relax- I've been having a swim, a sauna and a jacuzzi every morning, I've also been playing sport.

I'm sure that my job has a lot to do with the way that I'm feeling. I get up at about 7.30 am every morning to take my fiancee to work, then I go to the gym, then I spend a couple of hours on the computer before going to work a 2-10 pm shift. I know that I'm pushing myself hard, but I find it hard to relax. If sit around I start to feel anxious that I should be doing something with my time.

On the plus side I'm waking up in a morning feeling a bit more relaxed and comfortable than I have done and I'm getting on with my fiancee much better. I just wish that I could relax more "an anxious mind can't exist in a relaxed body".

I saw a bit of the tv programme "seduction school" last night, where experts taught aesthetically challenged men to be more succesful with women. The first guy took 15 minutes to build up the courage to talk to a girl. "Confidence is the expectation of a positive result". I can relate to how the guy feels. I've never been very good with women, but more generally the issues of fear and confidence. Looking at it from the outside, it's hard to see what the guy's getting himself so worked up about. It's the same with my fears. I have panic attack's a lot when we go to the local pub. I'm not especially scared of the pub, but the atmosphere raises my anxiety levels and that makes my chest feel tight, which then causes me to think about dying and having a heart attack, which causes me to feel panicky.

When I was younger I used to think that cancer, aids and all those diseases would be wiped out by the time I was older. I remember, when I used to take drugs, thinking 'whatever!' if I died. Now, my self-preservation instinct is so strong that even the slightest danger causes me to panic.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.