hi, ive had problems with anxiety, depression and panic attacks since i was 10 years old although none of this was properly diagnosed until a couple of years ago when i completely lost the plot. before that i had kept my problems hidden thinking i was just a crap, useless human being.
to cut a long and very dull story short i now find myself stuck in a rut. im home all day but spend most of it asleep, half the reason i don't go outside is cos i just cant be bothered to get up, washed and ready and our home looks like something off how clean is your house, which scares the life out of me cos of all those nasty germs just waiting to get me!
i would dearly love to wake up one day and find i can take on normal life but i find the simplest things completely overwhelming and can't seem to find the motivation. even before i got really ill i used to struggle to cope with everyday life and now its just ridiculous!
even things i love doing ,like my garden, i now can't sum up the energy to do and of course it doesnt help that im afraid to be seen outside in case someone talks to me or even just judges me.
i have an awful lot in my life to be grateful for and know that the problem is me not the world.
i used to think "just give it time and things will improve" but it's been 2 years now and i feel i need to do something instead of waiting for it to happen by itself.of course this is all complicated further by the fear of going outside, social anxiety etc.
im now totally fed up with this (as are my kids-my daughter has now moved to her dads) and am beginning to feel like i'm going to be stuck like this forever. i can't bear the thought that this will my childrens memories-never going out, mum asleep and smelly etc. what sort of life is that for them?
anyone got any ideas or magic wands?
thanks for reading this

scaredycat :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(