Finally booked the endoscopy. I had a very bad experience last year. Panic attack and three attempts and uneducated staff dealing with someone who has panic and anxiety. It was the gagging really threw me. I can't take anesthetic because I watched my mother unable to wake up from a procedure. From me looking at my mother not responding and nurses not knowing what to do is something I don't want to happen to me. On the positive note. My mother is good now. :-)
My partner and daughter were annoyed with me as well as the staff. In fact I ran out of the theatre and a nurse said they never seen anything like it.

For months I have been delaying and my symptoms have gotten worse. I could be dying and I have spent a year in fear to go into the next fear. If you know what I mean. So today I phoned up the endoscopy unit and tried to make an appointment.

I am going to practice meditation and gagging. I HAVE to do this. Fear can literally kill you.