Hello there and thank you for reading my thread. My name is Marcus and am a 23 year old from Southampton. I found this website by pure chance and what a nice website it is full of great information. Ok best i explain my situation

I first encounterd panic attacks about two years ago now. I finnished college after obtaining a Distinction in GNVQ Advanced media studies, which was the best grade at my college. I decided to take a year out having been in education since i was 4yrs old and go traveling around the world with my firends for a year. We all got a job together and started saving up for the dream holiday and everything was great. I was even accepted into Sunderland Uni to study Film as i am planning to be a film director, Sunderland is the best uni in europe for film as its sponsored by sony entertainment. I had never been so happy and felt life was perfect. I had looks, friends, a wicked sense of humour and a future i had worked hard to forge how did it all go so wrong? lol literally.
THE BAD SIDE

So i was preparing to go away with my friends and i recall going into a shop to buy something and there was a huge que but i decided id que anyway. I started to feel un-easy and kinda sweaty as if i was going to faint or something . I just had a horrible feeling over come me and didnt know what was happening and naturally felt frrightened. So i got outa there as quick as i could lol. I got home and lay on my bed thinking about what was happening to me and as you can imagine my mind was all over the place wondering what it could be. I finally worked it out that i was having a panic attack and it was the worst thing i ever encounterd in my life. After a few weeks this feeling kept appearing out of nowhere for apparently no-reason and i didnt know how to stop it!! It started to feel bad to go outside coz i knew that if i went outside id most likley have another one and its natural instinct to try and avoid pain isnt it.
So i had to quit my job and didnt tell my friends what was happening as i didnt know what to say. In my mind i hoped it would disapear after awhile and i could continue my job and go traveling.
It started to get worse and became so bad that i withdrew from my social life completly as i felt ashamed of myself and didnt know why, i was and am a very socialble person and am very fortunate to have a vast amount of friends, id go clubing most weekends and spend all my free time with my mates, but after telling them so many i cant goes or im not available tonight i just felt awful with myself and decided to tell them the truth about what was happening. Fourtunatly they understood and that my prediction of them thinking i was a freak or something lol was indeed wrong. So i explained to them and they then went off on the trip for a year and i thought i have this time to get better and i will.
So after seeing my doctor which was extremly hard i started taking seroxotine which just made me feel really bad and major depressed, i started to question why this was happening to me as i didnt think i deserved it and all the bitter thoughts i was having aimed at myself wernt helping. So after awhile i didnt think i was improving and if anything started to feel worse so decided not to continue my medication and see if i can make myself better by forcing myself into the situations my body (not mind) seemed afraid of, but every single time i do its just the same secnario over and over and the panic attacks resume and forces me to retreat back to my home. Its a never ending predicament.
So my friends return and we prepare to set off for uni and im happy again and my depression seems to have gone and to this day it seems to still be gone. But the day i arrive at uni at sunderland which is 9hrs away from where i live i setlle in and meet my room mates and there all really nice and i feel glad i came, then that night when un-packing it starts to set in again and i have the worse panic attack of my life!! The feeling of being so far away from anyone i truley know or anyone i care about just takes hold of me and before i