Hi everyone,

I have always struggled from OCD and intrusive thoughts for most of my life. I don’t know why, but recently I have been thinking the world is going to end. It all started back in September when I went to church and the priest was joking about how people thought the word was going to end September 23rd. He was laughing while he said. But to me, complete panic and fear consumed my body. I felt like I was going to puke and my mind started racing 30000 miles per hour. The day came and passed, obviously we are all still alive but the fear still lives on. I was one YouTube a couple weeks ago watching a health video and I’m my recommended video it says, “the end is near, giants seen on earth” or something like that. Once again, the fear consumed my life and that was all I could think about. I was driving and seen a sign “God love you. Jesus is coming” and once again, complete fear the world was ending. I find myself scared to look at the sky because I constantly imagine something crashing into earth, I question the clouds thinking they look strange and I panic, etc. It is just nonstop of dealing with this impending doom that lingers over me. I am religious but I am, unfortunately, gay which has caused me a great deal of distress. I constantly question if what I am doing is wrong and if somehow I am choosing this, if I am going to hell, if I should just be single my whole life, etc. I know I did not choose this, I’ve tried to change this, but I can’t. As you can probably tell, I am living my life in fear. I envy those who are “normal” and don’t have these constant deep thoughts that I have. To be clear, I don’t think gays are going to Hell. I look at everyone and I see the good in them and realize that we are all the same regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc. No one on earth is superior than the person next to them. It has just been impossible to think this about myself. Sorry for the long winded post and please no negativity. If you don’t agree with me being gay, please do not scorn me because you will ruin my week with fear. Thank you for anyone who reads this.