...And I'm struggling to find the words to express why. Completely overwhelmed by work and feeling so lonely. Had a minor meltdown in the office on Monday and landed up in floods of tears when a couple of colleagues wouldn't take no for an answer (they wanted to use my PC setup at a time of day when I really needed it).

They're like kids in the playground, constantly shouting and laughing; it drives me loopy and I feel so guilty that I sometimes hate them for it. I try very hard to be kind, and I wish I was better at it.

I just wish the internal background noise would stop, the constant chatter telling me that I'm worthless and I don't deserve to be alive. When will I be good enough to silence it? No matter what I do I can only focus on what I should have achieved but haven't.

So tired, so very lonely, but people often don't get it or don't want to deal (understandable) so it's easiest just to pretend everything's great because at least some of the time I can fool myself it's true when it patently isn't.

Argh. Sorry.