Hi all,

I have been unemployed for a few months, had to leave my last job after 7 months for a variety of reasons with the main one being anxiety from a toxic atmosphere created by colleagues. Prior to that I had to leave a job after just a few weeks due to the company throwing me in at the deep end with no support causing a bit of a mental meltdown. I dont feel like either of these situations where in any way my fault and I did what I could to avoid the outcomes. These experiences have however naturally made me feel quite apprehensive about getting a new job.

One of the things I find mega difficult is leaving a job. The thought of having to approach my employer to tell them I'm leaving gives me overwhelming anxiety. I feel like I am letting them down and it makes me fearful that the conversation will turn into a massive confrontation (which I also have a profound fear of)

This irrational fear leads to horrible bouts of anxiety when applying for jobs, followed by more bouts if I get an interview and then even more bouts if I get offered the job. Its difficult to explain but it feels like a kind of mental entrapment whereby I feel like if I accept a job that I will be stuck there for ever unable to leave due to the overwhelming anxiety of having to tell my employer that I'm leaving.

I have had counselling and discussed this and I know in my rational thinking that work is not life, its just a means of putting money in the bank and most employers would just replace me in heart beat if I left without caring too much. I have been made redundant twice in the past due to work being farmed out to cheaper labour overseas, and I know in most cases in business employees are just numbers who are easily disposable or replaceable.

I am intelligent enough to be rational about all these things but the anxious / subconcious part of my brain seems to want to make my life hell at certain times by creating irrational fears.

I am just trying to find a way to overcome this fear and stop it dominating my work decisions. I would like to be able to enter a new workplace safe in the knowledge that I am fully in control of my own destiny and can walk away at any time with no repercussions.

Financially I am in a good place so leaving a job would not impact me too much in that sense. I am just hoping that the next job I get is a good fit for me and I can settle for a while without any further trauma.

I have a job interview on Monday which I am bit nervous about.

Sorry for rambling - just wondered if any of this was relatable?