I know this is long, but please can anyone help me to cope? I've only slept a couple of hours each night the last few nights, and am waking up and then lying there unable to relax or concentrate on anything so can't get back to sleep. My state of anxiety also has me going to and fro for bms during the night which, given my current symptoms, is another cause for worry

I'm a long term HA sufferer but have been having therapy for anxiety the last few years. I'm just disappointed in myself at not being able to deal with this better. Luckily I had a therapy appointment booked for today and my therapist was really helpful in suggesting practical things I can do to help myself - like make myself eat and drink something, practice good sleep hygiene and not read medical stuff on my phone during the night. It’s just so lonely when I’m awake all night spiralling and not wanting to wake my husband up

I’m 49 and I’ve had IBS for a really long time, but symptoms which come and go and I have had long periods when I’ve been ok (had 2 flexible sigmoidoscopies – most recent at the end of 2016). I’ve also got a history of anal fissure though it’s mostly resolved fairly quickly, and have a sentinel pile/skin tag which has been there since at least 2015

I started to have trouble with a fissure during the Covid lockdowns. I had times when bms would be really painful and sore, and I had occasional bleeding – stripe on poo or spots on toilet paper. I saw my GP in late 2021 and she did a digital rectal exam which was ok and prescribed me GTN ointment (Rectogesic) which I stupidly didn’t take because I was worried about the headaches listed as side effects
About a year ago I became aware of a sensation of rectal/anal pressure – sometimes feeling like I needed to poo, but sometimes it was just pressure in that area. I really started focusing on it and it really bothered me. Sometimes it feels like it is difficult to pass gas or to finish a poo – though sometimes it’s ok

By this time my lovely GP had retired. She was someone who knew me well and could balance my need to resolve my symptoms but also to keep in mind my anxiety. I decided to use the GTN ointment but it was near its expiration date and obviously didn’t work because I didn’t get any headaches
The feeling of pressure and the fissure seemed to calm down a bit and there have been days/weeks when I’m not really aware of those symptoms but then either the fissure plays up or I start focusing on it all again
During the last couple of years my dad has died and my mum has developed dementia so it’s been a difficult time. I’m also quite cautious about Covid and that has been hard

My husband had Covid again recently and that was stressful, though I managed to avoid getting it. Almost as soon as he was testing negative I flipped to being totally anxious about my bowel symptoms and convinced I have something seriously wrong with me. I’ve been checking poo for red flecks which I thought was blood but actually (after reading a comment on here) could be tomato skins and chilli flakes. I even smeared a chilli flake on some kitchen roll to see whether it would mimic the smear I saw on the toilet paper.

I booked to see a private consultant last week about the fissure. I told him my IBS and fissure history and he attempted a digital rectal exam but failed as I was in ‘spasm’ – never had that before. He prescribed GTN ointment again which I am taking, and have the throbbing headaches to prove it. He also looked at the skin tag and wants to excise it as he clearly thinks it looks dodgy. He said it is ‘multifronded’ and has a ‘warty’ appearance. I’ve immediately assumed it’s AIN (I had a LLETZ for CIN3 in 2007) or worse. I didn’t really get the chance to talk to him about my worries that the fissure is masking something more serious, but I’ve got a follow up appointment with him in 8 weeks after the end of the GTN treatment.

Since then I’ve been reading everything I can about fissures, AIN, anal cancer and rectal cancer and I’m convinced it’s more than just a fissure. No one who writes about having fissures really talks about pressure as a symptom, though I suppose it could make sense if I’ve had it for a long time and the muscle/sphincter is very tight or scarred. But I’m adding up the pressure, occasional blood (presumably from the fissure) and my IBS symptoms and coming to a worse conclusion. The best I can think at the moment is that I will need treatment for AIN, and the worst is late stage cancer

My anxiety has triggered my IBS and that’s been difficult to cope with and separate out from what else might be going on
My husband has been amazing at trying to distract me and get me out for walks etc but I can’t wait 8 weeks to see the consultant again and have booked an appointment to see him next week to talk properly about my symptoms and how I feel. Ideally I would like another flexi sigmoidoscopy (though would be terrified). If he’d been able to do a successful digital rectal exam I think I might have been more reassured.

Please, if anyone has been in a similar state before, and found ways of getting some sleep and functioning a bit, I’d be really grateful to know them

I know I shouldn’t ask, but if anyone has had a fissure with feelings of pressure and it was just that I’d also be really grateful to know