I've been thinking. I've suffered with depression in 2 year cycles for the last 10 years and since meeting my boyfriend nearly 2 years ago i haven't been depressed.

I used to get depressed in the winter months and the doctors thought it could be SAD however i do feel that my depression does stem from an incident that happened when i was 15.

My thoughts are if i'm happy with my boyfriend then maybe i'm channeling my depression in another way.. I don't fell depressed and i don't want to soul search too much in case i get myself down.

I moved out with my boyfriend in August we were first time buyers and some people think that this may be some of my issues.. money and having a mortgage but i couldn't be happier at the moment (except for being unwell).

I used to self harm and take drugs i was a bit screwed up when i was younger but i can talk about it freely and it doesn't make me sad to think about what happened.

I think my biggest issue at the moment is that if my health problems aren't to do with anxiety and that the doctors do find something wrong then i still have this anxiety with food and i'm worried if i don't do something about it it will get serious.

I saw some pictures on my friends face book of when we went out on St Patricks day this year i looked so fat and i'm not even being a girl about it i really did. I've lost 2 stone since being ill feel a lot better for it but i don't want to go back to being as big as i was and that doesn't help when i already have anxieties about food. I know all my friends and family are watching what i eat. My sister gets really funny with me if i'm ill and can't eat she says i'm going to get anorexic. I don't think it will come to that as i feel ill when i don't eat anything but i do worry..

I have starved myself before when i was under a great deal of stress at work. I used to go to lunch on my own or make excuses i had to be somewhere and sit in my car so people didn't question why i wasn't eating. Where i work now people question when i don't eat sometimes but they know i'm ill and i'm genuinely not eating as i feel ill not trying to starve myself. It never got serious i lost weight but was still a healthy size. I sound scewed up now!! LOL sorry..