Do you/did you like excitement? (Excitement vs. Fear)

[Gryphoenix]

I was wondering how many people here used to like the feeling of being excited?

I have a theory that I used to like being thrilled/excited/scared before I started getting panics. I was one of those kids that would lean off of the jungle gym and climb to the highest part just to scare myself. I loved thrill rides and 'certain' rollercoasters. I was no daredevil, but I liked adventure! I really liked that 'buzz' you got after exciting rides and movies. But I was no adrenaline junkie, however, I still had mild fears.

Then after I started getting ectopics in my late teens and my dad had his heart episodes/attacks I developed a fear of the heart and eventually had panics last year.

Since excitement and fear are the same, you would think we wouldn't mind panics and think it was all one big fun adventure! (Unless you're like me and think your heart is going to stop.)

I noticed when I haven't really panicked in awhile I feel a lack of excitement. Like I want something thrilling to happen and I want to feel that surge of adrenaline. I watched a movie that I thought was going to be way more suspenseful and I was dissapointed I wasn't in a wreck by the end of the movie.

Not that I'm suggesting I want panics! The fear from panic overbears any pleasure from excitement and it's way more intense than I'd want it to be. So maybe the fear and intensity of panic sully our excitement fun!

So does that mean I subconciously crave adrenaline? That would be odd. O_o

How about you?