Over Analyzing and Over Thinking in Relationship

[Bond]

Over Analyzing and over thinking.....


I have recently come to the realization that I have a problem. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and panic disorder about 3 years ago. Amazingly enough with minimal therapy and no meds I have managed to control the onset of panic attacks and anxiety. The self-help books and this website I owe most of the credit to.

However despite this great success I neglected to realize that the anxiety and panic can also manifest themselves in personal relationships. I never noticed this until recently. I battled anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and mild case of OCD. The OCD was a problem because I started to develop phobias in response to the anxiety and panic attacks. The panic attacks would give me the “I feel like I’m going crazy” feeling. Once the attacks would subside I would remember the feelings associated with the episode and keep reliving the episode in my head in my attempt to understand it. So this in turn would result in thinking I was becoming psychotic. Which further fueled the anxiety and panic and the cycle continues, until I broke the chain of events which was very difficult to do. Once you understand what is happening the situation almost cures itself. Once you “realize” that the “FEAR” you are experiencing is an illusion the anxiety and panic literally disappear. Key word being "Realize" of course.

When I say “this has manifested itself in my relationships” it is based on my theory given the events I listed above. This over analyzing has always been there. It did not come after my anxiety and panic had vanished. It is just that they seemed to dominate the issues at the time and left this one on the back burner.

What I have noticed is that in all my past personal relationships there was a problem. Not with the girl, but with me. I never had a problem attracting girls, even the ones I had set out to have. I never looked at my self as particularly good-looking but I always considered myself at the very least, average. We would meet, I would make her laugh tell her stories about my life, my hopes, dreams and ambitions and we were off. The dating would always go well and before I knew it we were official. Here is where it starts. Once the TITLE was bestowed upon us, something in me would change. I never noticed at first until my last two relationships. I would over-analyze everything she said and did. I had a belief that at any moment, her feelings for me would go away. She would no longer love me; she would find some else more appealing. Every action and word she did would be spliced and dissected to PROVE my point, “she’s losing feelings for me.”

At this point “she” would start to notice and tell me about it. But to no avail, this would only add credence “see you are losing feelings for me, because you’re complaining etc.” My worry and my panic became a self fulfilling prophecy. Because I was so worried about her loosing feelings for me, I actually caused it to happen. Now I had proof, which furthered my over-analyzing and feeling that I was right.

Can anyone out there relate to this? I am currently with a great girl now and we’ve only been together for a few months but unfortunately it has started again. She has already begun to voice her concerns about my over analyzing and over thinking and said it is causing her to detach her self from me. She says im not the same guy I was when we started dating and that “I have changed on her” I don’t know if it’s too late, but as of this moment we are still together and it seems like Im starting to get a hold of it somewhat, but I dont know..

Anyone experience this before? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Best,
B