OK so I'm back with something else to talk baout that maybe a lot more of you will understand. Last night I had a nightmare, I was in an abandoned home and I confessed a murder to my borther that I beleived I commited and I was confessing a murder that I had dreamed about before and I keep wondering what if I did and can not remember and that is freaking me out but ultimately I think I would re,eber something terrifying like murder but still my self esteem is so low at times I think I am a monster but for the most part I cope and tell myself that my mind especially being bipolar has a way of playing tricks and I desperately want to be normal but the doc says its a lifelong disease so day by day I am fighting the fear, guilt and sick stomach pains becasue desperately I yearn for happiness. I really enjoy this site and we are not alone if only we could all meet up and have a group discussion.