Hello,
me again... :-( Went through a bunch of blood test lately to find out why the heck is it that Iīm feeling this crappy..Guess what- they did all sorts of things and my blood is picture perfect...The only thing they didnīt take was the HIV. It really got me spinning in circles, so to say. I have always been over-anxious about HIV, so I got tested and I got each of my bfīs tested, too. I also cannot take contraception, so it was either condom or nothing. I did have unprotected oral, though, but never with ejaculation (sorry for being so graphic) - but always with partners who tested negative. But you canīt chase a guy to an HIV test every day, can you? And my ex sure wasnīt an angel, even though he claims he never cheated on me. So yes, I basically never had contact with male sperm. The only "risky behavior" I had was cca a year ago - I kissed a guy, a friend of many years, it was an open kiss - I know HIV is not likely to get transmitted this way, but I do suffer from mild gingivitis, so what if....I am picking up my courage to get tested, but Iīm so scared. The last test I had was cca 5 years ago and was negative. But that kiss happened last year and I got flu-like symptoms afterwards - but it is possible it was from my wisdom tooth - this wisdom tooth flu - you know what I mean? I got the wisdom tooth removed straight away and havenīt been really ill (I mean, fever, sore throat or anything) since. But recently, Iīve had a rash on my arms, my muscles are always sore, Iīm tiered and now I got so scared that I check my lymphnodes if theyīre swelling and I almost convinced myself that they are indeed swelling and they are a bit sore - maybe from all the pressing, checking, touching...Iīd know if I had swollen lymphglands, wouldnīt I? And - Iīve had an ongoing candida infection guess where. The normal over the counter medication doesnīt help, itīs still there....so I googled to look for some other medication and there it was: frequent or persistent candida infections are often the first sign of an HIV infection in women. Because all of this, I am convinced I have it and Iīm trying to prepare myself for the worst and go for the test. But I am really, really down and panicky. Thereīs still so much to do in my life. Please HEEEELP, Iīm so scared. I mean, Iīve always been very, very careful about having sex, never had a one night stand, never went without a condom, always with a partner, but then you turn on the tv or open the news and you hear all the stories of perfect faithful housewifes who got it from their perfect hubbies or about a young girl that had sex only once and got IT:...Iīm going crazy and Iīm considering just giving up on sex as a whole and buy a battery-operated boyfriend - because thatīs about the only way I can get rid of the fear. :-( :-( :-( I am sorry, I am bugging you folks again - this really isnīt the best time, when it comes to anxiety..