While I dnt beleive that OCD is my problem I was wondering if anyone can shed some light on why I have alway's found it so hard to sift my focus even thoe I know that everything has to be in moderation and fucusing on one task at time just make's it so much harder to keep everty in check.

Ever since I can rememeber when I get strong desire to do some thing I obsesses about it. At school I couldn't handle all thr different subject when iwas doing good in one the other suffered when I focused on another subject the subject I was doing well in suffered.

When I became friends with a person I could only think about hanging and having fun with them. I'm prety sure a lot of my friend ship have bed distroyed by coming across as if I'm all or nothing person due to my inablity to remember thing's I my attenstion was not stongly focused on them. I have gotten better over time but i still struggle to find the right balence in life.

Since i was young i have alway's had a obsessive nature to know every thing about baby's and kids and I have 4 now I had my first child at barly 18y old. I have enjoyed a mother it has been my reason to keep fighting for my self which is proberly a bad reason to fight for I know i should be fighting for but that is only partly the reason. My conversation with people are dominated by talk about babys and kids which has too aften came across as if I am trying to but in to there life or there way of rasing there kids but that was never my intenstion I just cant seem to find much els to talk about. When ever i try to talk about other things with people I feel out of place and out my depth and my anxiety dosn't make anything easier.

When I get a need to know about something I that doinate's my like for a while to shake the obsession. Which too often has impacted my life is 1000 way eg i forget anything that is not related to what I need to know at the time. I get behind in house work I forget to pay bill I even have to make my self eat or drink(which is the one thing i really forget to do the most). I dont forget to do most thing's for my kids cause thay are my life but I will forget about my need's a lot.

When I focus on my budget my house work, my fun, ect the list go on suffer heap's and when I focus on another task every thing els suffer for it. I have goot better with years of learning from my mistake's but the effort that take's to keep any kinda of balence in my daily life seem to really effect my tolerance to every unplaned event that pop's in to my day.

For each unplaned event my frustration become's grater to I just feel like what's the point and i totally give up on everything. The result of which is being treated for depression twice but I never fully been gotten to point where i feel that I'm no longer at risk of becomeing depressed. I ask for help for anxiety cause my erg to self harm was getting to point that i didnt trust my self. I dont want to go back in to deep depression i just want control over my life I want that elusive calm balence to my life.

I was just wondering if any one could shed on light on my behaviour's or any tips to help get me what I want.

I have 1000's of story's about my obsessive tendancy's but Ill leave it at that.

I have a son with asperger's syndrome from everything i just wrote I and more I have thought there is small posibilty that i may have asperger's as well but what I have that wont help to find a way to find the balance I'm after. I dont know if people with OCD face the same sort of chanlenge's but I thought I post and see.

Thankyou.