Hi,

I know this is kind of weird to be discussing but I woke this morning worried.

Five years ago we were living at 200 feet below sea level and both seemed to

healthy and ok in most every way We were both in good shape and were

physically active and seemed pretty healthy. Then Katrina came and after

the storm we decided to repair our homes and move here to a place that

is 8500 ft or actually 8700 ft above where we were living.. The first few

months im sure we suffered the usual temporary effects but then they

subsided somewhat although never totally left us . I woke this morning

and was thinking about a dream I had about traveling to a knew place

and couldn't remember where I was from. I have had bouts of short term

memory loss ,nothing serious but can seem to remember things that

happened to me so many years ago earlier. I sometimes forget things

that happened earlier in the day but If I think about them I usually

remember later. Names I forget and have to think about it for awhile

and then they come to me later. .Time doesn't mean much here its easy

to forget the day of the week ,month or year ,well not the year so much

but the month and date.. Every day seems pretty much like the day

before. Over the past five years , it might be my imagination but I don't

think I feel as good as i did when we lived at sea level and my wife doesn't

have one day that she feels good. As for pinpointing what exactly is

wrong neither of us seem to be able to and have a range of symptoms

that can change at anytime or stay the same.. When we first came

here we both lost about 30 or 40 pounds each but over a year we gained

it back and then we went on diets and lost it again .For health. While

we have lived here I started feeling old and limited to what I can or cannot

do..Thats a first for me since I never felt there was anything I could not

do . Some days I feel breathless just walking out to feed the dog and the

horses and other days I can get out and move bails of hay around 60

pound bales with little or no breathing issues.. I noticed the last time

I used the snow blower I got really out of breath just doing our drive

and then the next time out I wasn't so out of breath. Some days

i can wash a load of clothes and just bringing them to the laundry room I

get really out of breath and then other days I can move around freely and

lift things and move around no breathlessness. For the life of me I was

thinking if this is serious wouldn't it be consistent ? Also most days now

we seem to be able to go to the grocery and come back and unpack

everything and then put it up and we are fine but other days we get so

out of breath its almost as if we are going to pass out. Some days my

wife says she feels dizzy for no reason at all and other days I feel that

way as well. We get sweaty when its cold like a moisture on our bodies but

when you feel that part of the body there is no moisture. We both

experience this at one time so it has to be something that is really

happening. The light after five years still plays tricks on our eyes and we

are both having issues with seeing .."as in eyes are blurry" a lot. We used

to stay up till 3am and sometimes 4am with no problems but now we

seem to get sleepy at 8pm and then usually are asleep at midnight.

Im very scared as to what may have happened to our bodies here. I have

read that even after living at high altitude over the years that you can

get AMS which is acute mountain sickness.. but it says normally its over

10000 ft which that puts us below that mark, so im not sure that is it..

I have had acute anxiety off and on for almost five years and I have had

anxiety all my life but it leaves for a number of years and never comes

back unless there is a trauma in my life of some kind. But I have had it

off and on for five years pretty regular and even my wife is pretty anxiety

free tends to get it some days ..I have read so much about high altitude

sickness and it seems if there was really some damage it would be evident.

I did have an issue with the doctor telling me I had high blood pressure

but she found out later it was white coat symdrome as my wife monitored

it at home, but I still worry did we hurt our bodies are our brains by

moving here. They say if you already have an existing condition then

sometimes it becomes worse by moving to a higher altitude.. Would we

have done better by living at a lower altitude?

Where we were living stays hotter most of the year ,the winters are not

severe like they are here. There is 25 percent more oxygen but the air

is moist there and tends to create mold and mildew and also there are

more bugs and things due to the tropical nature. Here there is 25 percent

less oxygen but the air here is suppose to be the cleanest in the world.

We breathe ok for the most part and when we go to the doctors they

always say we seem to be ok, The doctor knows im anxious and when I

tell her I get dizzy and stuff sometimes she tells me its hyperventilating

and sometimes just says its anxiety . I get worried many times that

if we would have just stayed at a lower altitude we would have been

better off and not felt the way we do here. Since we have been here

we have both felt older than we did at a lower altitude and mentally we

have suffered because of the seclusion and worry. That is why I say "Did I kill us?"

Would we have had a better life and extended our years by living at the

altitude that we were born at? I have ask the doctors and some nurses

we know about how I feel and they all say its most anxiety .Is it the place

then causing the anxiety. The unfamiliar surroundings ? the strange people?

the seclusion? Its taken many years just to be able to look out the window

and know im at home but then there are times I feel as though I just want

to get on a plane or drive and go home? There is no home where we were

or at least the one we knew.The people are different the surroundings

different and our children all over the states.. scattered to the wind..

I fear the worse even now we have three feet of snow on the ground with

the promise of about two feet tonight.. So strange I did not grow up in

this . I grew up and a populated your neighbor lived next door not a mile

away place.. and the snow was a rare thing and you only got maybe a few

inches.. My world seems so strange at times,I also wondered this morning

if maybe my mind is slipping away.. or maybe its depression from not

being away from a place like this for five years. The lowest elevation we

have been to from here in five years is almost 5000 ft.. and we started

feeling very weird then.. They say there is a reverse altitude sickness

where your body has to readjust again to lower altitude. See I worry

about so many weird things. I also had something on my scalp a little

like pimple and scratched it off a few times .I kept messing with it and it

would grow back and then finally I scratched it off one last time and

when It came back it was very tiny and doesn't look like any kind of cancer

just maybe a little mole or something ,but then again I worry if it was

a type of tumor that grows in the brain , I get worried that perhaps it

was a tumor or cancer and its in my brain and has caused damage to

my brain and that is why I feel weird at times.. All this has been on my

mind today. I have gone through some physical changes from being strong

with plenty of muscle to loss of muscle tissue due to weight loss and then

building up of muscle tissue and strengthening by exercise and gaining

weight again,.

My wife hurts alot and neither of us sleep well at night . We both toss

and turn and the dreams are bizarre and disturbing.. Another product of

high altitude. I think of moving away from this place but wonder if our

living here the past five years has damaged us beyond repair and if we

were to leave here would it matter now? or would it possibly make things

worse on us since we are now accustomed to high altitude..

Sometimes Im just stuck im scared to leave and scared to stay .. Either

way I don't know what to do. Here four years ago I started hearing my

pulse in my ears and have been to several doctors that don't know what it

is but say its benign. I never had that till I came here ,its annoying and

frightful and hard to live with but I have managed but it gets to me

sometimes, I wake and hear my pulse pounding in my ears and it hardly

ever goes away .. This and so much more is the reason I wrote this post

Did I Kill Us because we moved here instead of staying where we

belonged? Please forgive me for such a long post but this has weighed

heavily on my mind for quite a while and today especially since I woke..

Thanks for reading and your patience.. Michael