Dear All,

Hello. I have never written on a forum like this before. But I am going through a personal hell, and am struggling to get through it.

It all started 6 weeks ago when I found a lump on my knee. I had scans and XRs done followed by surgery to remove a soft tissue tumour last week. I have been in a constant state of panic ever since.

I have been feeling on edge, having constant thoughts that the diagnosis is going to be cancer and that it is going to be the worst kind, and that it is going to be painful and prolonged.

I cannot get these thoughts out of my head, I feel as if there is a heavy weight on my chest, my heart is pounding and my hands have been clammy for the last 2 weeks. I am struggling to concentrate on anything and I am sleeping really badly.

I have lost a little weight and that to me has become a sign of terminal cancer. Every minor physical symptom has become impossible for me to ignore.

I cannot face eating though I am trying to make myself. I cannot face the thought of returning to work though I know I have to. I am drinking alcohol to alleviate the anxiety but only during the evenings and not too heavily.

I do not really know how long this is going to last for. Nor do I know what it is going to be like after I have got the results of the lump from the doctor.

I have an overwhelming sadness about it and spend a lot of my day crying to my family and girlfriend. Everyone tells me to not give up, to think positively but I do not think I am succeeding.

I do not know what to do anymore so decided to search the net for help and came across this website.

Thanks for listening.