Re: Giving into urges?
If it helps - I look terrible standing right under a light too ;-)
You need to bring yourself back in to the present and away from 'what if?' thinking... right now you said you can be very happy with this, so keep that thought... if you get a 'what if?' thought then don't try to run from it, accept it's there and bring yourself back to the present...
You should read up on some mindfulness techniques
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"There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. Its knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that provides the difficulties."