10/07/2017 and 11/07/2017


I think I am going to make my entries every two days from now on so that I don't have to dwell so much on them. So here is the last two days of my life. Pretty uneventful.

So yesterday I didn't do much. I thought that I might get my letter through from the doctor, but that didn't happen. All I really did was get up late, have lunch and go for a bit of a walk. I played video games n the evening. Been trying to do this to elicit some feeling of the old me.

Today I did much the same. Late up as usual. I've been on three separate walks in the rain today. I like to do this, it always makes me feel something on an emotional level. In the past when I've felt really upset about something, a walk in the rain has always given me some perspective. I've always still felt upset, but it almost puts an interesting and exciting spin on that feeling.

And that's about it for the last couple of days. I'm still trying to keep the philosophy of not feeling strongly either way towards things. It seems to keep me a bit more open minded. If I'm honest, I am still lost and confused. I'm hoping soon this will subside and as I said, I'm not going to dwell on the pessimism.

I did get my letter from the doctor today. On it the diagnosis says, 'anxiety disorder: unspecified'. That doesn't inspire the biggest amount of confidence. Anyway it has outlined a treatment plan, but again I do have that creeping 'but the world isn't real feeling'. Anyway, stop dwelling.

Let's see how the next two days go.