Hahaha. I mean we've been trying for YEARS but just been getting nowhere lol. I have no clue what we're doing wrong

Thanks again for the kind words. So much of anxiety is about feeling like you aren't able to be sensible, isn't it, because the panic gets in the way - and so much of getting better/going through well periods is being able to just face the demon and grind through the sensible steps of management. Acceptance and commitment therapy is really helpful in this way. - don't know whether you've come across it? Bit bleak in some ways - you accept that you have the condition of anxiety and get on with your life regardless. In some ways, though it's a beautiful thing.

You're not reading between the lines - in fact you're spot on - that is a big concern for both of us. I guess it's rational, if you have any kind of mental health issue, to think carefully about what it will be like if you have a bad spell at some point in the future. But that, to be honest, is just the tip of the relationship iceberg. A bigger concern is that although my partner is happy to come along on the IVF journey with me, she is not herself particularly maternal, and I'm worried I've just worn her down/talked her into it. I mean, I probably have and so that leads to lots of feelings of guilt and uncertainty on my part. She hates change, and is herself an anxious soul, and says that she would rather be with me and have a child than be without me, but obviously none of this is exactly what I hoped I'd hear - even though I am also listening to the positive side, where she says she thinks it would be fun, we'd be great parents etc. There are other issues, too, but I think this is at the heart of it: the fear of making a wrong decision is exacerbated by the fact that it is me driving the process. Anyway, all of this worry has taken quite a toll on us as a couple. We love each other a lot but have some things to figure out!

Anyway - glad to meet you and Erin, and thanks again for being so kind