Ex smoker with fear of lung cancer

[Louisa1983]

Thank you for your reply and I hope your mum will be ok. At least she quit cigarettes. 👍

[ErinKC]

Hi Louise. You mentioned you were pregnant last year. My health anxiety was a monster postpartum and one of the biggest fears I had was lung cancer. I had all the symptoms you have and my doctor explained that not only was my stress causing back pain and other symptoms, but pregnancy and child birth had put my body through it and it was completely normal to have weird aches and pains for a while after as everything settled down. All kinds of things are thrown off - hip placement especially - and you're in different positions than you were before, bending to pick the baby up and down, feeding, etc... you're sleeping is different. I also didn't develop migraines until I had a baby and no one can figure out why!

[Pamplemousse]

My mother was an ex-smoker and died from lung cancer.

But for context: she smoked twenty a day for nigh on 40 years, giving up at age 52 with the aid of nicotine gum. The lung cancer took her on her 78th birthday, when she'd been diagnosed less than a year before.

[Louisa1983]

Thanks for contribution. I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. It is an anxiety that will always plague me ..

[NoraB]

Thanks for contribution. I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. It is an anxiety that will always plague me ..

It used to plague me too. I've smoked in the past and this fed into my health anxiety, as did everything else I've ever done to abuse my body. Eventually I rationalised that, while I'd increased my risk of developing lung cancer from having smoked, I've also reduced it by quitting. I was never a twenty a day type of smoker (unlike my parents) and neither of them had lung cancer. MY MIL was a smoker and she didn't have lung cancer either but she did end up with a different lung disease which was hard to watch. My FIL was a smoker and he did have lung cancer, but this came at the age of 73 after having smoked well over 20 a day since he was 15 years old..

I'm not advocating smoking. I never did it to look 'cool' or any shit like that. I smoked to try alleviate some of the severe anxiety I experienced on a daily basis. A cigarette got me through the school gates every morning. It helped to keep me semi-sane. I needed something and there's no point in rebuking myself now. Nor do I blame my parents for having smoked in front of me. They had three kids and only I smoked. Knowing myself as I do, I think I would have smoked even if they hadn't. It was my choice and it's important (for me) that I own this as my responsibility.

If my smoking habit comes back to bite me then I'll deal with it. I'm aware, but not irrational. I can't change the past - it is what it is. And regret won't help none either. All I can do is to look after myself now and let the future take care of itself, as it will do anyway..

[glassgirlw]

regret won't help none either. All I can do is to look after myself now and let the future take care of itself as it will do anyway..

This is the best piece of advice and we should all strive to live by it, especially those like myself that didn’t really treat their body as they should have in the past. Maybe I should have this put on a shirt.

[Fishmanpa]

All I can do is to look after myself now and let the future take care of itself as it will do anyway..

Sage advice. As one who abused himself during his youth... Crappy diet, smoking, drinking, partying, unprotected sex etc. The consequences, heart attacks, disease, HPV related H&N cancer, BP and cholesterol issues etc., the habits of my past affected my present health. Its about being thankful to have survived and doing the things that will prolong the life you have left.

FMP

[Louisa1983]

Thanks for the responses- it is indeed really sage and rational advice. I struggle a bit as I was very ‘anti smoking’ as a teenager then had a very bad experience and went through a silly ‘rebellious phase’. Sadly nicotine is very addictive……but I always had this feeling it wasn’t ‘me’ to smoke. Not in a snobby way, no judgement intended, just it didn’t fit my rather ‘perfectionist ‘ personality. That probably sounds weird. But it seems to make it harder to deal with. It’s like I got lost for a long time.