Oops pressed send too soon!
Yes we definitely have to help things along. I feel like I've got stuck in a rut lately. Before Christmas I was doing 'ok'. I was going to the supermarket on my own and felt more comfortable driving. I was going to the pub and for meals and then over Christmas my partner was off for 3 weeks and sitting up till 2am with the telly blaring so I want getting a very good sleep and the next day I felt knackered and like I couldnt be arsed to do anything. My partner isn't very motivating so that made me feel even more lazy. Then the next thing it was new years eve and I was in the busy restaurant feeling tense and on high alert and struggling to eat. The week before I'd eaten my Christmas dinner no problem so it must be anxiety.
Rox your therapist sounds bloody brilliant. Can we come for lunch too 😂 It really does seem like he knows sooo much about it and so much of what you said I can really relate to
Googling and forums aren't the best thing for us to do are they. Loads of people have symptoms and medical tests but they just go with the flow don't they rather than have to analyse and research everything. I've been terrible with googling lately especially over the endoscopy and now hiatus hernias ffs. The endoscopy nurse rang me this morning and I've got to have another one done because she wasn't able to complete it last week because I was heaving. She said this time we'll try a nasal one so my anxiety has been sky high all day. She also mentioned a CT scan because I mentioned last week that I'd lost a stone in weight since the beginning of January. I'd say with me not eating as much then it's pretty obvious that I'd lose weight. I think she could tell I wasnt too keen so she said let's just do the nasal endoscopy and go from there. She mentioned a barium swallow but I told her that no way would I be able to swallow the barium. I asked her if she was concerned and she said she saw no narrowing or blockages in my osophegus (however it's spelt) and she said its very unlikely to be anything sinister. She told me not to worry but that's so much easier said than done isn't it.
My swallowing hasn't been very good today but having all of this on my mind isn't going to help matters is it. I did to drink half a pint of water quite normally this morning but then that 'don't forget you' ve got a swallowing phobia' voice seemed to pop up again 🙄 xx