I could have written that. This phobia has got to be one of the most exhausting and baffling ones that there is. It's taking so much away from us isn't it and it's affecting our partners too. I want a social life and a relationship not to feel like I'm some kind of burden or a chore.
Its embarrassing and so frustrating sitting here chewing away 50 minutes after he's finished his meal which was 3 times the size of mine. I had a quarter of a gammon steak, 5 chips, some peas and an egg tonight...I ate the chips and peas and half of the egg which took me the hour that The Chase was on. I've cut a bit of the gammon off and have been chewing it for 5 frigging minutes. I had a banging headache when I sent the last message to you. I'm sure I must be dehydrated but all I can do is sip ffs...Wtf is this phobia!!! 😡

It's in my head all the time too Rox 😔 I'll get a drink or some food and go and sit in the living room and put my programs on - Trying to be 'normal' but it's like an act where I'm pretending not to think about it but I know I am... If that makes sense. Then it's just a struggle and I don't enjoy anything.
Like you, I've struggled with this anxiety shit for years and it's about time we got a break from it isnt it.

Did you worry as a child? I sound like a bloody therapist now 🙄 I was a worrier. I was very inquisitive and knew too much about different things. I'd say I was quite clingy towards my parents. I remember I used to say I had tummy ache a lot but I think it was anxiety butterflies. I absolutely hated that Sunday night feeling before school. I used to love visiting my grandparents and other family members because I think it made me feel safe and cosy and looked after. I think I'm still that little girl now who wants to feel safe, cosy and looked after 😔 xx