I've been experiencing gut/gullet/swallowing problems for the past two months after having to return to a place where I suffered extreme forms of abuse. My GP is now sending me for a Barium Swallow on Monday to try to convince me that I don't have cancer or anything sinister. All the members of my mother's family, including her, died of some sort of stomach cancer. I've battled with chronic anxiety and PAs since I was a kid when my dad died very suddenly and I'm determined to prove it's never too late to beat this form of self torture we call 'Health Anxiety'. Because of abuse when I was a kid I find it virtually impossible to express my emotions and when things get bad self harm is the only thing that helps. I've been so terrifed this last week that I self harmed two days ago and now I feel so ashamed. But I hate the thought of radio-active liquid (Barium) being absorbed into my body and don't know which I'm more afraid of, the terrifying symptoms or the Barium Swallow. I'm alone with this and finding it very hard to cope.