Alcohol and Anxiety

[Jackrabbit]

Hi Everyone,

I havent been on here in quite awhile but thought that I would check in given my current situation. I have GAD and health anxiety. I recently about 10 months ago made a few big positive life changes and my anxiety ha gone down tremendously. It is still there but is *better*. Well everything was going really well for awhile until I went through a bad stressful breakup which turned to my evening glass of wine turning into 3 a night. Long story short, I drink too much. I fully realize this. I am an otherwise healthy 25 year old female. I can definitely say that my drinking and my anxiety have a nasty relationship. I dont drink hard liquor, mostly wine and beer, but I do often binge, about every few weeks on top of having nightly glasses of wine. I've also, in the last few weeks, have started smoking again when I go out to drink.

Now I know this is wrong. I know that if I continue on this path, I will severely eff up my health. That drives my anxiety even further and unfortunately the only way that my anxiety will subside is if I have a drink to relax myself. The days after, I feel horrible about myself. It has not interfered with my day to day activities such as work but I can feel my body responding and it is driving my HA absolutely mad. I can feel myself relapsing...I am just hoping that it doesnt get to the point where I cant work or even function really (it has been that way before). I would like some advice here. I know that there are programs out there that help with this kind of thing but I don't consider myself a full on alcoholic. But who knows maybe am. Anyone else struggle with this?

[PWO_Nathan]

OK buddy I got ya back here. Prepare for an essay though.

So here goes, a little of my personal circumstance but it will be relevant and hopefully offer some reassurance.

I use to be super fit, I hit gym 5:30 AM 4 out of 5 days, and probably drank once every month but this was considered a binge in so far as the amount I drank on that one occasion. My anxiety at this point started out when I ran 2013 Jayne Tomlinson 10k. I did this fine but week later, I thought I had caused heart problems and this is where it all kicked off. I went to A&E doctors etc numerous times and was laughed out as at this time I was 30 years old and the doctors saw my physique and said I would know if I had heart problems but its not possible given all I do.

For some reason, probably the way I am wired or was wired at the time. I slowly began going to gym less and drinking more. Maybe I 'needed' to have a heart problem as my mind couldnt figure absent one? Who knows... but here I am 5 years later, I have put weight on midsecion and up until recently, I was drinking probably 5 nights out of 7 easily. I was drinking either a bottle and half of Shiraz, or 6 of them big bottles of Bud. I stayed away from crates of 12 as I could easily finish these off and if I got 24, I would drink about 17 of them. I am ex forces so I can def knock em back. I dont say this to brag or show off I say this because I was admitted into hospital with suspected appendicitis in January this year.

While in, I asked them to check my liver and told them how much I drank. They did a full blood check of my liver and it was perfectly fine! DO NOT TAKE FROM THIS that you should continue drinking the way you are as it is clearly having a detrimental effect. What I am saying however is, do not assume the worse. You're drinking a glass a night, I was far in excess of this. Obviously its entirely subjective so you are no way me and the effect will be different but I hope you can see that your body is very impressive, it takes alot to upset.

Now moving to where I am now... you would assume that given my liver is OK I have had no incentive to cut the drinking down - why should I? well I have done exactly that, I now drink a bottle and half every Saturday and thats it.

Reason been, I personally identified that my anxiety was far worse during my drinking. Even know I knew this was not causing immediate damage, I also knew that the way my mind works, looking for a catastrophe, while I continued to drink I was giving my sub conscience the target it needed.

Notwithstanding the above, mentally, I was always far worse after a drink and needed to plan my next drink to 'get-by'.