Awareness of Our Health Anxiety Origins ...

[WiseMonkey]

Hi,

I've said it before but this HA thing is terrible. In my opinion it has it's roots in our family of origin. It certainly was in my case.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I don't need it, I'm not a victim, I'm just sharing ...

My mother had a personality disorder called NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). It meant that life was all about her and getting attention. She made me feel "overly precious" by telling me that if I ever hurt myself or died, she'd commit suicide! I heard this as a young child and it had a profound effect on my life growing up. It made me feel responsible for her well being and that I had to be hyper-vigilant about myself. I thought it was love whereas it was really about control, keeping me close so she would have company! My dad lived at home, although they didn't get on, she treated him terribly. He was a kind, gentle man but ineffectual against my mother. He passed away 5 years ago.

I'd had counselling as a student at teachers training college (1975-77) I knew I had issues, I knew my mother had mental issues but I couldn't connect the two and how it was affecting my health. Later I married a man, who had NPD like my mother.

When my second daughter was born, I remember thinking 'phew... at least if anything happens to me, my mother will have my girls', I was 31 !! Then it struck me just how crazy my thinking was, I still had all my childhood conditioning sitting there affecting me.

Shortly after this, all the years of stress and anxiety had activated Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which brought about it's own issues.

I'm not an only child, I have a brother 9 years younger than myself. Although he doesn't have HA, he has anxiety and stress. We're both divorced. Twenty years on from mine, I'm in a great relationship where my partner is understanding and we support each other emotionally. I'm now 61.

And yes my old mother is still alive at 91, still just as attention seeking and trouble making as ever but in a rest home now. We have limited contact.

Maybe some of you would like to share you HA origins stories

Thanks for reading,
Lesley

[Mav]

I don't know where mine all began, it sort of hit me in the face all at once. I have had a supportive mother but a not so supportive father, growing up I had a lot of OCD tendencies which I truly believe where brought out of me because I grew up in a disruptive home. I was prone to obsessing over certain things as a kid, and as I grew up these obsessions of mine were sort of laughed at by my friends because it became a personality trait of mine, "oh you wanted to be a lawyer last week and now you want to sell everything and travel the world" is the sort of things my friends would say to me, I've always started things and then wanted to do something else.

When my worst health scare came about I was just obsessed and completely absorbed by it. I can thankfully say I'm not in that place anymore, I can actually think a few years ahead and plan my life as if I'm going to live it. Before I thought I was going to die before I see anything in life, I'm 20 now and I'm pretty positive I'm going to be alright

[WiseMonkey]

May

Thank-you for sharing, yes I understand about thinking that you would die before seeing anything in life as I've felt this. I'm so glad you are on a good path now

Due to the dysfunction in my family of origin, I believed that the world was a scary place, danger lurking around every corner! As I got older I became more confident but my anxiety stuck around health issues.

Over the years and as I've aged, I've got better at handling the stress caused by the symptoms, so that's a measure of progress.

I've spoken to a lot of people over the years who have these chronic health conditions and many of them were born into dysfunctional families (where one or both parents were narcissistic). Of course the genetic predisposition had to be present first but then the stress just exacerbated things.

I read an article this morning which is about anxiety disorders being caused by exposure to NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. I suspect this spills over into HA as well as generalised anxiety. I think it's helpful to identify the origins of our HA, and to know it's not our fault that we have this.

However we are responsible as adults to clear our childhood conditionings (which were false) and find solutions which enable us to function in healthy ways, through counselling, therapies etc.

http://simpleorganicmedicine.com/stu...ssistic-abuse/

[WiseMonkey]

Right, WiseMonkey! Narcissistic abuse is not something to be underestimated. Pretty sure it's the root of every mental issue that I have. So good to hear that things have got better for you with time.

Thanks Raindrops, I hope things get better for you too, I know how difficult it can be

When I first found out about narcissistic abuse, and realised that my mother was a narcissist, I read that 6% of the population are narcissists. However an expert on the topic (Melanie Tonia Evans), reckons that it's more like 16%!

Melanie's website has been very helpful for me dealing with narcissistic abuse. She covers all forms of narc abuse and has some great resources, many which are free
https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/