Please help! Im so scared i will die of lymphoma.

[Kellybobz]

Hi guys, im really sorry to ask for your reasurrance again about my lymphnodes. But things have changed since last time i posted, I actually had my neck nodes assessed b ENT and they said they were fine and didnt need to see me again, and i was actually ok with that. I know that others have them in their necks and groin like me and they come up with infectons etc. Which was fine until ive noticed one in my armpit now after digging round, im at my wits end i cant stop crying. I went to my doctor who is referring me to the breast clinic now! She said she is doing this purley because of my anxiety about this and not because she beleives i have breast cancer. I just dont beleive her, i think she knows theres something not right. I dont know how long its been there ive never checked that deep. I cant cope anymore i just feel like ending it all because i know i cannot cope with the answer i will get after the clinic. I cant bear to lose seeing my daughter. My partner is threatening to leave agin because he cant understand my worry. I really have nobody to talk to anymore, everybody hates me. Have any of you guys had armpit, groin and neck lympnodes/ all moveable but painless. Any help would be great, thanks for reading.

[Pipkin]

Hi Kelly,

Sorry I've not replied to your PM yet but I've been a tad busy at work etc - I'll reply later.

In the meantime, I can see you're really anxious about this and I really feel for you. Maybe some replies here from people with similar symptoms will help to reassure you. From what you've said, I really don't think you have anything serious wrong with you. Your GP would have let you know if she thought there were any sinister signs. As she said, she's just referring you to put your mind at ease. Try your best to believe her - she's not going to tell you one thing but mean something else - that's not how they work at all.

You've done so well before in distracting yourself and you can do it again. You've so much to look forward to so try to focus on them. You will get through this, I promise you.

Take care and I'll PM you later.

Pip

[Hypo]

If you dig deep you will find all sorts of lumps and bumps. Your doctor would not lie to you. He referred you because he can't put your mind at rest so sending you to someone who might be able to do so.

I know someone who does have lymphoma cancer and your lumps sound nothing like them, trust me I've felt his and they are not moveable.

My husband is trying to be patient with me but he is getting stressed. It's hard, but threatening to leave you is pretty mean when you are feeling the way you are. I think we have a tendency to get so self obsessed that we do forget about our spouses and their needs.



Your doctor wouldn't lie. It's more than their job is worth.

If you want to chat feel free to PM me and we can chat through Facebook chat or something.

[Kellybobz]

Thanks both of you for your kind replies. Just been having a heart to heart with my partner and he read the health anxiety information on this site. I think he is trying to understand a bit wich helps. Thanks hypo for the reasurrance it has helped and i also wish your friend well, i really feel for them. I would like to chat that would be nice, i will PM you tomorrow.

Thanks pip for your support once again, its always nice to hear from you x

I dont know how im going to get out of this mess this time, if there really is nothing wrong with me, i need some form of councelling. Ive lost my way. I dont know if i can get well again this time.

[AnxiousAva]

Hi KellyBobz and everyone,

I'm new to this forum and was just searching for posts on lymph nodes, as those in my neck, collarbone and my groin are the ones that have been worrying me for weeks now. It started with one in my neck, which was tiny, and I poked it for ages and worried myself sick. It went down, then came up again a few days later, and this kept happening and each time it went down I felt fine again, then when it came up felt anxious and worried again. Then the ones in my collarbone started to hurt, then my groin and armpits. I really hope it is some sort of immune system response to all that adrenalin that I must be pumping around!

I've read loads of posts, and we all sound like we're exactly the same, poking at them, feeling the size/temperature/texture etc, I'm sure I've made mine hurt by too much prodding! One thing I saw on one of the forum help posts, was that if we research the disease we believe we have that would be more beneficial than searching out our 'symptoms', I think that would help me, as completely understanding lymphoma or similar diseases might make me realise my symptoms are so mild that they can't be anything that serious.

Your doctor would not lie to you about why she is referring you, she could lose her job if she did! It really sounds like both you and me are making ourselves ill by worrying so much, I know exactly how you feel. I've been fighting with myself not to give in and go to the doctors for these lymphs checking, but I'm going to go for reassurance, and when you've been to the breast clinic I really hope (and believe) you will be reassured too.

I know what you mean about your partner not understanding. Mine is trying REALLY hard to help and support me, and to understand what's going on inside my head, but I can see him struggling sometimes especially when I breakdown in tears for no good reason worrying that I'm going to die of the Big C.

I think the NHS do a good job with really limited resources, but the medical staff are really not trained in how to deal with all us HA sufferers :( You will get better this time, and one day you will get completely better, I'm so glad I found this forum because I feel a bit better already.

Let us know how you get on, and take care.
AAx

[Pipkin]

Good reply Ava - I hope that you and Kelly will be able to help each other as I can see that you're both finding it really difficult.

Take care

Pip x

[Amysunshine]

Hello, im new to this forum. The reason I found this forum is because of my constant worries about Lymphoma. I found a lump in my neck 5 months ago and ever since anything wrong I find i automatically link to lymphoma. Id never even heard of lymphoma but I went to the doctors to find out if my lump was ok and whilst he was examining me he found another lump (which i cant find, but have since found another one under my chin). then he said the deadly words "we wouldnt look at lymphoma unless these lumps were bigger then a 2p." and ever since ive been searching my body thinking ive got it, but too scared to actually research properly into Lymphoma incase my symptoms match! From little things ive read here and then, its become clear that I would be feeling pretty ill if i had Lymphoma and i feel perfectly fine except for a cough ive had for 2 months that is beginning to go. I understand completely your anxiety, as everytime something new crops up that old burst of fear comes straight back. I guess youre probably thinking too, "I was worrying a few months ago that I had lymphoma but i was fine, but what if now it really has developed into lymphoma and I ignore it thinking its the same as a few months ago" this is what plagues me. But when you think of just how many of us on here have thought we have lymphoma, what are the chances of ALL of us having it? I do believe that I can get past this though, and you have to believe it too. At the end of the day we are all scared but we have today and the chances are we probably have tomorrow. Everytime i get a burst of fear i tell myself "live for today, live for today". If you want to message me then feel welcome to xx

[Kellybobz]

Thankyou sooo much ava and thisismics, for your response to my post, it really has helped reading both your experiences. I hate the way ive become recently and i feel really scared. I have to go to the breast clinic for this check and i pray every minute that it will be ok. Even if it is ok, i really think ive gone so far with my worrying, i dont think i could just stop. I really feel ive lost control this time. I do have moments of beleiveing it will be fine, but my anxiety soon takes over and rules out any positive outcome.

Realistically, like you both i feel absolutley fine physically. I do have night sweats once a month around ovulation. I always have. I know this but recently have started to doubt if ive always had them, but i have!!!

My lumps in my neck, some have come and gone, some have stayed. The 2 lumps in my groin are big, about 2cm but sausage shaped. I had them both scanned by ultrasound and they said they were fine and consisted of soft tissue. theyve been there for as long as i can remember, i just never knew what they were. Until the lymphnode was discoverd in my neck and then i worked out they were lymphs too! The one in my armpit also feels sausage shaped but its hard to tell the size as its quite deep in and moves freely so cant get a good hold of it.

My ENT consultant said its never the oval/sausage shaped ones and lymphomas dont move, there fixed. He said they start out like cherrys and grow big.

I have the same thoughts and fears as you thisismics about if i stop worrying and just ignore it, it will develop. Its a vicious cycle and out of all my anxieties and worries, ive never worried soo much or beleived soo much that this is actually happening. Ive just gone to a total extreme with this, and i cant rationalise it.

It sounds as though we all need abit of support with this! Im really glad you both contacted me and i would like to PM you both. I will get in touch tomorrow when i can have a more detailed chat.

Im glad your both finding this site helpful, it really is, and the people are so supportive, if you read my previous threads on lymphnodes you will find others experiencing similar things.

speak to you both tomorrow, hope your both feeling better x
kelly xx

[AnxiousAva]

Hi Kelly,

Your last post has really reassured me, which makes me think that the more I can know about healthy signs the better! We all look for the bad things, but if we tried a different approach and looked for signs of GOOD health we might all feel just that bit better!

My boyfriend found me some really good relaxation and positive thinking hypnosis files on spotify last night, I'm going to try them out and will feedback on my findings!

Currently feeling pretty good about my health, although anxious about going back to work after two weeks off!

AAx

[Kellybobz]

Hi ava i know how you feel i have t go back next monday after 6 weeks off!! Ive not touched my lumps today and feel better for it. Im not going to touch them until ive been to the breast clinic and know the outcome. I asked my friend to feel my neck and she couldnt find them.....so thats good hopefully. Im glad your reasurred by my post. Can i ask what the doctors have said about the ones in your armpit? There the ones that make me most anxious. As th others have been looked at anyway. Please let me know how the hypnosis works for you, ive always wondered but never tried. xx