My teenage son won't go to school! I'm desperate

[shotokansho]

Hi everyone.

My eldest son is 15 (16 in May). As I am writing this he is still in his bed, he is the same every morning. I get up at 7.30am every morning and from that time I am waking him every 10 minutes. I leave the house at 8.40am to take my youngest boy to school, Ryan is still in bed when I get home at 9.05am, and as I say he is still up there now at at 9.50am. Yesterday he didn't go to school at all and so far the other days of the week he has been late by at least 2 hours, problem with that is he gets an absent mark.
My other problem is that the more I wake him the more aggressive he gets, he shouts at me and starts banging doors, kicking and punching walls ect ect. To be honest he scares me when he is like that, he is a lot bigger than me, I would like to think he wouldn't hit me but the threat is there all the same.
I'm worried because he is leaving school in May and he is the middle of doing his exams, he's going to wreck his chances at this rate, plus what happens when he goes to college or gets a job, he won't be able to hold it down, but there is no telling him.
I am also working so often I have to leave for work as soon as I have taken my youngest to school so there is no-one to keep waking him. I am also getting letters from school regarding his attendence and every day I get texts telling me he is late or adsent and they want me to answer the text with a reason, but I just don't know what to say so I don't answer them. We have had social services in and out of our lives because of my own mental health issues and I just want this to stop because I don't want them involved again. I'm worried school will send the educational welfare or a social worker...or even the police, and I will end up paying a fine or going to prison. Ryan is also aware of these consequences but again, there is no telling him.
He does suffer with some minor mental health issues himself and I had him referred to a child psychologist, he completed a course of CBT but he seems just the same, even though he said his anxiety has improved. I don't know what else to do, I'm so nice to him in the mornings but he is just horrible and sometimes he cries!
Can anyone help?

[swgrl09]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I imagine it feels quite stressful and powerless. I am wondering if you know why he is avoiding school? Does he have friends there? Does he experience bullying? Is he having trouble with his courses? What is he avoiding by staying home from school? Might be something to explore with him to see what can be fixed.

Can you reach out to the school counselor so that they know you are trying your best? They may be able to help you get to the bottom of this.

[Annie0904]

I would make an appointment with the headteacher and explain the problems that you are having with your son and see what advise they can offer.

[Kells81]

Did you watch 'this morning' yesterday? There was a section on it about school phobia and ways of helping your children through it. There might be some info on their website.

[BobbyDog]

I have had similar problems in the past with my son who is 16 years old.

As Annie has suggested and I agree with her, try and make an appointment to see his head teacher and form tutor. Find out if his form tutor has noticed any problems he may be having e.g, difficulties with school work, exams, bullies etc.

Also, try and get your son to open up to you, if he is suffering with anxiety at the moment, something is causing it to come to the surface.

All the best.

[Daisy Sue]

Is there any way you could book yourself a day off work? If you can, I'd let the school know what you're doing, tell them he'll be absent that day, and give him the whole day with you.. take him out for a burger or something, a walk in the park.. make sure he knows you've taken time out of your life to help him sort his, & hopefully you can get him to open up to you.

Also, I know you said he's had CBT for minor mental health problems... have you ever had him assessed for, or suspected he might have, learning difficulties or anything like Asperger's, Dyspraxia...?

It might be as simple as he finds school too much, and is hiding away.. it may be the work, the teachers, bullying, being lonely, or even the looming exams. He needs to know that you can only help him if you know what the problem is, and that he can trust you.

I've been through similar things with my youngest, and we're ok now.. no more secrets, no more me second guessing the moods, etc... Takes a lot of guts to broach it, and sometimes tears to talk it all out, but it's been worth it for me and my kid.

[Anxious_gal]

you need to find more mental help for him, I know some charities offer mentoring services for young people too. Also you need to get the school more involved or maybe even changing schools would help.

you have to figure out what the problem is too, depression, anxiety, school phobia, learning problems and so on.

[shotokansho]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies. I am pretty certain he isn't being bullied, he has a good circle of friends and is quite popular. I like his friends too, they are decent kids. He is such a clever lad, and is quite capeable of passing all his exams, but I do know that he had fluffed some of them already.
He does have a foul temper, he scares everyone when he is like that, including the dogs and his little brother. So I know he had anger issues, but so does his father so I'm guessing that is connected. He says he doesn't sleep at night and that's why he's so tired in the mornings. However, on a Friday when it's his pocket money day he is up and ready in plenty of time for school...Which is infuriating to be honest.

[BobbyDog]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the replies. I am pretty certain he isn't being bullied, he has a good circle of friends and is quite popular. I like his friends too, they are decent kids. He is such a clever lad, and is quite capeable of passing all his exams, but I do know that he had fluffed some of them already.
He does have a foul temper, he scares everyone when he is like that, including the dogs and his little brother. So I know he had anger issues, but so does his father so I'm guessing that is connected. He says he doesn't sleep at night and that's why he's so tired in the mornings. However, on a Friday when it's his pocket money day he is up and ready in plenty of time for school...Which is infuriating to be honest.

It is possible that the anger in your son will pass, at his age he will have raging hormones, all that testosterone flying about. My son had anger issues for a while, punching walls etc. Thankfully that is all now in the past. I did discuss this with the doctor and asked him if anger management was an option for us, unfortunately there are not facilities to help teenagers with anger management.
What about a punch ball, or some kind of sport for an outlet?

[Granny Primark]

I so sympathise with you.
I had exactly the same trouble with my son from when he started school til when he finished.
Neither me or my hubby couldnt seem to control him.
One day I took my daughter to nursery and called in his school to check if he was in.
The teacher said no. I came down home and happened to go in the garage and found him at the back of the garage.
I went to get him and he picked up an antifreeze bottle and threatened to drink it. I told him I thought he was joking and to go ahead but he actually took a sip of it.
I had to phone my hubby up to tell him that I was going have to rush him up a&e.
Luckily he was fine.
My son would go up in his bedroom and trash it.
I really wish I could give you the solution to this terrible problem.
My mum died suddenly when he was 10 but I cant say that bought on this because he was like that before she died.
I hope you find the solution. Big hugs coming your way from me. Heres hoping that you find the answer