Forever1803
05-07-12, 13:20
Hi everyone, finally, after arriving at this site, I don't feel so alone in the lonely world of HA and everything that plagues me because of it. I feel so exhausted by the constant state of anxiety that I have been in for at least the last twenty years!! One little symptom or twitch anywhere in my body and the famous 'dread' feeling surges in the pits of my stomach, my brain goes on full alert, racing around like a washing machine and I start to spiral out of control into a panic attack, can't keep still, constantly on edge, it's so tiring. I don't sleep well and some nights I can go to bed and lay there all night until the sun comes up, then start my day in a zombie state, plodding along with my health anxiety and whatever chronic illness that my brain has decided that I will suffer from today.
I have tried CBT three times over the years, with good results, I'm not a tablet taker as the very sight of a box of tablets puts the fear of God into me, brain races again wondering what the hell will happen to me if I dare take them to make myself feel better. I bit the bullet last week though when the doc finally convinced me that there is a time and a place for meds and now is the time for me. I reluctantly agreed to take the diazepam 2mg, but not before I had convinced myself that I would surely lose control and end up in hospital, die a sudden death, then ponder what songs they will play at my funeral!! How the mind works eh!? Even reading this back I feel ridiculous!
Well I didn't die and nothing awful happened to me! I managed to have a good rest from the good old nervous system and just took one 2mg tablet at nighttime. Of course, the first one I took, I immediately went into stark panic attack, but like I said earlier, I'm still here to tell the tale. I took the tablets for three days and have put the rest aside for when I feel out of control with anxiety once more - the anxiety never leaves by the way, I always feel sick, numb, nervous, headaches, eye pain (convinced it's a brain tumour of course)! I also have severe tinnitus and it drives me crazy.
I am a mother of two children who both have special needs, so I HAVE to stay alive and well to look after them as nobody knows them like I do. Oh I wish I could be at peace with myself and not worry unnecessarily about chronic illnesses that I don't have. Just when you think you are free of the dread, then the relapse happens out of nowhere.
anyway, that's a bit about me, so lovely to have found you all. Please feel free to message me, and thank you for taking the time to read my post.
big hugs :bighug1:xx
I have tried CBT three times over the years, with good results, I'm not a tablet taker as the very sight of a box of tablets puts the fear of God into me, brain races again wondering what the hell will happen to me if I dare take them to make myself feel better. I bit the bullet last week though when the doc finally convinced me that there is a time and a place for meds and now is the time for me. I reluctantly agreed to take the diazepam 2mg, but not before I had convinced myself that I would surely lose control and end up in hospital, die a sudden death, then ponder what songs they will play at my funeral!! How the mind works eh!? Even reading this back I feel ridiculous!
Well I didn't die and nothing awful happened to me! I managed to have a good rest from the good old nervous system and just took one 2mg tablet at nighttime. Of course, the first one I took, I immediately went into stark panic attack, but like I said earlier, I'm still here to tell the tale. I took the tablets for three days and have put the rest aside for when I feel out of control with anxiety once more - the anxiety never leaves by the way, I always feel sick, numb, nervous, headaches, eye pain (convinced it's a brain tumour of course)! I also have severe tinnitus and it drives me crazy.
I am a mother of two children who both have special needs, so I HAVE to stay alive and well to look after them as nobody knows them like I do. Oh I wish I could be at peace with myself and not worry unnecessarily about chronic illnesses that I don't have. Just when you think you are free of the dread, then the relapse happens out of nowhere.
anyway, that's a bit about me, so lovely to have found you all. Please feel free to message me, and thank you for taking the time to read my post.
big hugs :bighug1:xx