Mose
20-07-13, 06:49
As with many people on here I have been bombarded with every kind of imaging/blood test a PCP could throw at me. Crushing my fears for a short amount of time until something new surfaces.
I got through a lot of high and low times. As of now my HA is at an all time low and its been that way for a while, but I've also been that guy on the floor wondering "What next", "this time it's for real". So if any advice I can offer will help someone even if its 1 person, great.
My lowest point for me was shifting through my stool's (gross right?) for no reason at all. Not because I had a bad stomach ache or they were a weird color. I just wanted to make sure they were to my " standards". Although it would get my approval :yesyes: it didn't stop the fear of "what if" returning later.
Eventually this led me to a PCP that my wife goes to as well. Did the CBC, urine, all that awesome stuff all blood work came back squeaky clean (Had 3 other blood works the same year from a different doctor, all same results). Urine came back with trace blood and protein.
So as you can imagine I started googling everything I could about those particular symptoms. Google is a pretty awesome tool, but not for stuff like this. Long story short, Scared my self, Had an ultrasound ect 3 blood works, Chest X-ray 24 hour urine, no known cause was found so now I just sit around with it. Which led me to buying test strips off amazon and lesson 1!
You are not a doctor (or maybe you, are but for me these were my thoughts). This was a big one for me, The realization that I am not qualified to be doing this. That if I screw something up ( which is very likely and always happened) How do I handle it? I remember I used a urine test strip and some of the pee dripped off the ketones pad and onto the bilirubin and all the sudden it was a color that wasn't even on the list for bilirubin. Do yourself a favor. If you are seriously concerned with something, get it checked out by a doctor you trust and do your best to be leave them. I mean there doctors.
No amount of reassurance from someone else is going to be good enough to calm your worries. This is something I Worked on with my Social worker and it helped me wake up. All those times I asked my wife "do you think "I'm okay?" or my mother and father "Will I be alright?". Sure, Once you ask you think you are "reassured" but are you really? In my case all my ultrasounds and bloods works didn't mean a thing about a week after I got them. it was back on to my worry. The only thing that helped me was Self reassurance, only once I was able to reassure myself was I truly happy. Everyone is capable. Give it a shot! Try to go for a day without asking anyone if you're okay or "what do you think?" You will feel really good after :)
Counseling, Something everyone should have regardless their issues, (at least that's my opinion). Counseling helped me out a lot, made a lot of breakthroughs and realized that my HA more or less came from my parents. My father who Is still to this day worried about his health destroyed his 20's with constant fear and dread of the "What if" factor. He is now 60 very healthy, and the torch seemed to get pasted to me.
Another reason for me was the fact that my mother has diabetes. She's always had it, always will have it, and is knocking on her 50 year anniversary with it. So its pretty obvious as a child I was subjected to my fathers panic and my mothers constant tests. Counseling helped me work through my struggles and get to a point where I can be happy. If Counseling is available to you I highly recommend it!!
This website is a wonderful resource where people with similar conditions can come together and talk about how much HA sucks. Its terrible, it destroyed my life for years, I'm 25 now and I don't want to waste anymore time with it.
I don't post much on here, mostly browse. I like to read people's success stories and how they are coping with their issues but I see a lot that are just posting blood work and seeking reassurance from other forum members( I'm guilty of it to :noangel:), Which by all means is fine and is Their decision, I do not judge. But from my experience this only increased my anxiety was the opposite of therapeutic I can only recommend trying to reassure yourself.
I don't think there is a cure for my HA, I believe it will always be there but I am now enjoying my life more and working on getting even better. I have taken Zoloft and Ativan for months and they are very helpful to me and have helped me cope with issues.
You can't let this ruin and run your life I spent years worrying about mysterious illnesses and then almost died in a motorcycle accident. My time spent up to that point was wasted. If I died that day I would have had very little to show for it.
I'm very new to posting here So I don't know all the rules, but there is a youtube video I would recommend to watch.
Its called "Your time in Jelly beans" and it really put things in perspective for me.
I hope No one takes this post the wrong way, I'm not trying to instigate anything. These are simply my Opinions and how I dealt with my Anxiety. Everyone has their own way of coping and I hope that I May have helped someone with there issues.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you have any questions XD.
Edit: The amount of spelling mistakes is remarkable. I am to lazy to fix them hopefully you can decode my jibborish.
I got through a lot of high and low times. As of now my HA is at an all time low and its been that way for a while, but I've also been that guy on the floor wondering "What next", "this time it's for real". So if any advice I can offer will help someone even if its 1 person, great.
My lowest point for me was shifting through my stool's (gross right?) for no reason at all. Not because I had a bad stomach ache or they were a weird color. I just wanted to make sure they were to my " standards". Although it would get my approval :yesyes: it didn't stop the fear of "what if" returning later.
Eventually this led me to a PCP that my wife goes to as well. Did the CBC, urine, all that awesome stuff all blood work came back squeaky clean (Had 3 other blood works the same year from a different doctor, all same results). Urine came back with trace blood and protein.
So as you can imagine I started googling everything I could about those particular symptoms. Google is a pretty awesome tool, but not for stuff like this. Long story short, Scared my self, Had an ultrasound ect 3 blood works, Chest X-ray 24 hour urine, no known cause was found so now I just sit around with it. Which led me to buying test strips off amazon and lesson 1!
You are not a doctor (or maybe you, are but for me these were my thoughts). This was a big one for me, The realization that I am not qualified to be doing this. That if I screw something up ( which is very likely and always happened) How do I handle it? I remember I used a urine test strip and some of the pee dripped off the ketones pad and onto the bilirubin and all the sudden it was a color that wasn't even on the list for bilirubin. Do yourself a favor. If you are seriously concerned with something, get it checked out by a doctor you trust and do your best to be leave them. I mean there doctors.
No amount of reassurance from someone else is going to be good enough to calm your worries. This is something I Worked on with my Social worker and it helped me wake up. All those times I asked my wife "do you think "I'm okay?" or my mother and father "Will I be alright?". Sure, Once you ask you think you are "reassured" but are you really? In my case all my ultrasounds and bloods works didn't mean a thing about a week after I got them. it was back on to my worry. The only thing that helped me was Self reassurance, only once I was able to reassure myself was I truly happy. Everyone is capable. Give it a shot! Try to go for a day without asking anyone if you're okay or "what do you think?" You will feel really good after :)
Counseling, Something everyone should have regardless their issues, (at least that's my opinion). Counseling helped me out a lot, made a lot of breakthroughs and realized that my HA more or less came from my parents. My father who Is still to this day worried about his health destroyed his 20's with constant fear and dread of the "What if" factor. He is now 60 very healthy, and the torch seemed to get pasted to me.
Another reason for me was the fact that my mother has diabetes. She's always had it, always will have it, and is knocking on her 50 year anniversary with it. So its pretty obvious as a child I was subjected to my fathers panic and my mothers constant tests. Counseling helped me work through my struggles and get to a point where I can be happy. If Counseling is available to you I highly recommend it!!
This website is a wonderful resource where people with similar conditions can come together and talk about how much HA sucks. Its terrible, it destroyed my life for years, I'm 25 now and I don't want to waste anymore time with it.
I don't post much on here, mostly browse. I like to read people's success stories and how they are coping with their issues but I see a lot that are just posting blood work and seeking reassurance from other forum members( I'm guilty of it to :noangel:), Which by all means is fine and is Their decision, I do not judge. But from my experience this only increased my anxiety was the opposite of therapeutic I can only recommend trying to reassure yourself.
I don't think there is a cure for my HA, I believe it will always be there but I am now enjoying my life more and working on getting even better. I have taken Zoloft and Ativan for months and they are very helpful to me and have helped me cope with issues.
You can't let this ruin and run your life I spent years worrying about mysterious illnesses and then almost died in a motorcycle accident. My time spent up to that point was wasted. If I died that day I would have had very little to show for it.
I'm very new to posting here So I don't know all the rules, but there is a youtube video I would recommend to watch.
Its called "Your time in Jelly beans" and it really put things in perspective for me.
I hope No one takes this post the wrong way, I'm not trying to instigate anything. These are simply my Opinions and how I dealt with my Anxiety. Everyone has their own way of coping and I hope that I May have helped someone with there issues.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you have any questions XD.
Edit: The amount of spelling mistakes is remarkable. I am to lazy to fix them hopefully you can decode my jibborish.