View Full Version : May time blues
LittleMissAlone
08-05-16, 09:25
I'm feeling very down today, and feeling down isn't normally my thing.
I've got a family event, though only very casual, and I'm struggling.
The only person who can help me is me, but does anyone else have issues at this time of year? Last year I was fine, but historically I've noticed low mood until end of June.
Many thanks.
Ps, enjoy lovely weather, fellow Brits.
almamatters
10-05-16, 19:09
This year I am having the same issues Littlemissalone, not sure why, usually I love May and look forward to the warmer weather. This year feels different though for me and I'm struggling with low mood. Sorry I can't offer any advice but just wanted to share with you, hope you are feeling better soon. :)
MyNameIsTerry
11-05-16, 10:07
I'm actually feeling pretty positive but some years I have found the start of summer difficult as I tend to miss daylight with my sleep patterns and I can start having negative thoughts about missing out.
LittleMissAlone
11-05-16, 11:57
Thanks for these responses.
Started the thread 3 days ago and the weather broke yesterday. Crazily my mood has lifted!
I've noticed other people saying their anxiety has worsened since the beginning of May, though they haven't made any kind of connection.
Great you're feeling positive Terry! Incidentally, do you find that when you are well coming on nmp brings you down again? I head away when I'm feeling alright, sounds selfish but as you know we've got to do what suits us.
MyNameIsTerry
11-05-16, 12:21
I guess it does a little but it's not the subjects that bother me, my anxiety plays on the fact everything is a bit of a task/chore, it's what happened to me when I had my breakdown because I was someone who worked in project environments. So, coming on here can increase my anxiety because it can associate to a work environment. Like in exposure though, sticking through it and getting stuck in can help to cause this to reduce or dissipate.
I do take breaks off here at the weekends now and log on later and it can help too.
Occasionally if I am really anxious, a subject may cause a twinge but I deal with it as I'm long past the stage where I'm shocked by anything someone may say they are worried about.
I know some years I do find I have a couple of weeks where I dip when the seasons seem to change. So, when it goes cold I feel a bit down and unhappy with the weather. Long before my anxiety I've also had spells or itching and my asthma worsens for a couple of weeks when the seasons change and then it completely disappears. Weird.
LittleMissAlone
11-05-16, 12:29
Yes, you're right, running away from nmp is perhaps running away from anxiety and that is not helpful.
Also, if I think I can help someone that will make me feel better too.
As for the heatwave bringing me down, that was probably a blip. This time last week I was drained and that's gone now too.
MyNameIsTerry
11-05-16, 12:37
It depends on what is going in your life. I'm not working so I can be on here more but when I am working again, I just won't have as much time. And besides, if you are have a good period and are busy enjoying your life, that's not running away at all, it's living. We mustn't feel guilty for that. It's avoidance when we can't come here out of fear but in overcoming that it doesn't mean we should commit to staying here either, it means removing that fear only through exposure and changing how we think about it. Some people then choose to work in these areas, some set up or work in charity settings and some go back to their lives BUT even those who choose not to be involved will run to help a sufferer if they find one and I think that is excellent!
It does help me to help others but I've always been like that. In some ways, helping someone else is a distraction from my own issues too so I can benefit that way but there is a trap in there too if it becomes that it's stopping me doing something.
LittleMissAlone
11-05-16, 13:00
Quite. I'm here at home when I should be out! Makes me wonder if the epidemic of mental illness is to do with our isolated online lives. I'm in my mid 40s so I spent until about 30 with no internet. While I have always been anxious it's been worse only very recently. It's only this Jan that I've been on line at home, prior to that I had to go to libraries. I worry about the young with social media, with them it's all about numbers of friends and likes. Stress they don't need with everything else.
almamatters
11-05-16, 17:06
My anxiety has worsened since beginning of May but I'm sure thats just because of other things happening in my life. I used to love May when I was younger, it's the start of the warmer weather usually, I do get anxious when it gets hot though so May was always a nice inbetween month, if that makes sense. I come on NMP even when I'm well, as its one of the few things that distracts me without causing added anxiety.
LittleMissAlone
12-05-16, 05:12
Sometimes we just have to accept that this is how we are. I always think it could be so much worse!
I hope things have picked up for you, Almamatters.
Hi , my anxiety is at the worst it's been for years at the moment I've had a lot if problems so that's the main reason but I usually get worse in the warm weather , Saturday it was baking hot in the morning worsened my anxiety and asthma in the afternoon it peed it down and I felt a real boost I think part of it for me is the distraction of the rain , I think it used to be easier when there was no internet first time I went through this was in the 80s no internet to Google things and I was back to normal in about 6 months there wasn't even a name for it back then you had to deal with it on your own , went to sleep last night nervous had a bad night and woke up shaking and feeling sick , it's a wonderful life , take care
LittleMissAlone
12-05-16, 08:25
I hear you Buster.
Internet in a double edged sword. Any 5 year old I'm sure understands what being "stressed" is, and yet the word didn't exist until early 90s! In my opinion, of course! Worrying for kids, they won't develop resilience like we had to (I'm guessing you were born in 1970? So was I).
As for early sunny weather i did read once that some people are badly affected by this, it's a chemical thing in our brains, which is why I started the thread. I knew it wasn't just me.
Take care. I hope I haven't offended you, and you're actually a lot younger!
Hi , no you're spot on theres a clue in lot of people user names , 70s was great time to grow up a lot less pressure , kids can't imagine not having a mobile phone there are days I want to throw mine away I get bollocked for not answering texts somtimes it's nice to be left alone I have some people I deal with who ring constantly until I pick up even at night , when we were kids if your house phone rang after 9 some one had died , believe it or not my message has just been cut off by the very dickhead I've just mentioned ignored his call so I'll get another in a few mins or a voice mail , sunny out today I was hoping for a bit more rain been driving off and hiding out in my camper it's nice when it rains and you are sheltered , anyway I'll get off before it rings again , hope your day is bearable
LittleMissAlone
12-05-16, 13:53
Switch the mobile off?
Yes, there was one phone, in the hall! Life much simpler.
I'll try to have a good day, I've certainly git a few things i want to do. Have a good one too.
---------- Post added at 13:08 ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 ----------
Hey Buster
Lovely sunny day and I've been out trying to accomplish something easy and I've had the panic attack from hell. Not been like it for ages.
At a loss.
---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:08 ----------
Too bloody right it's real.
http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/07/01/6984639-sad-in-the-summer-sunshine-depression-rare-but-real?lite
It is real, actually! I work in a behavioral health center and we do see a lot of people coming in with increase in symptoms this time of year. For some people, the increase in sunlight and warm weather can be stimulating but also triggering. It can cause anxiety to be worse for a lot of people. We always think about SAD as being a winter illness, but it can go both ways.
LittleMissAlone
12-05-16, 14:16
Thanks for this.
It's good to know I've got a reason for it. It shouldn't last for long in my case though. You look out if the window and see complete loveliness.
Hi , sorry you had blip today had a lot of them lately , my asthma S been playing up and panics me when I wheeze that could be down to the weather as well or they've messed up my inhalers or stress seemed to get worse when I lost my dog three weeks ago , tomorrow's another day and with a bit of luck it might get better , back in the 70s you'd have had to write me a letter to tell me about your day , we had our phone in the hall as well used to sit on the stairs to make a call no central heating freezing cold but you don't care when you're young I swear the rain was warmer back then , take care
LittleMissAlone
13-05-16, 06:18
Yes, here we are enjoying this website when it's much healthier talking to someone face to face over your favourite beverage, which both of us find difficult to do! Gotta laugh.
I went for a walk later after the god awful panic attacks and bumped into an old colleague and actually managed a chat for a few minutes! I wish I could say there was no stress, but I know I came across perfecky happy and normal, do that was reassuring.
I think the weather is supposed to be better than they said, so let's see what today brings.
Enjoy it too. By the way asthma is one of those things you completely take for granted when you don't have it, but not being able to breath is enough to make anyone panic.
Take care.
Hi , woke this morning after another bad night but thought I'm getting out had a shower got some stuff ready to post then it all went down hill partner still ill with pneumonia , got the panicky feeling and the energy drained away , got to the post office and couldn't face joining the que , when you talk to people and you are hiding the fact you're nervous do you feel they can see straight through th act and see your tension probably here your heart beat , I'm a big bloke and I feel like a bloody child when I get like it , I hide it from everyone I come from a generation of men that see mental health as a weakness lost my dad when I was in my twenties but I still feel hed be ashamed . Feeling a bit sorry for myself today , have another go at the post office soon , sorry to sound depressing , hope your day go's ok , take care
LittleMissAlone
13-05-16, 13:40
Hi buster
Yes you're right, me crying in front of people i don't even know that well is embarrassing but not in the same league as when a big man would. I doubt if people notice anxiety in you though, for what it's worth. I'm sure your dad wouldn't have been ashamed, perhaps he had been through his own demons so he would definitely get it.
I understand about the post office. Perhaps go in when the queue is shorter. Been there, I really have.
I've set myself something to do this afternoon. It would be great if I did it. No panic today, but then no sunshine either!
Are you in touch with your mum?
My parents don't suffer at all so they are very worried. They think ive been working on and off, but I haven't worked properly since October! Hilarious.
Hope you're feeling better now.
Take care.
Bit of a rough day today and I haven't been working much either work for myself so no money coming in but can't get sacked , I won't tell you about my day it's depressing so instead 1970s memories , tar Mac melting on the pavments in the heat wave of 76 , cake at school in 77 queens jubilee , little bottles of milk at school ( till Maggie thatcher milk snatcher took them away ) dukes of hazard on Saturdays wrestling in the afternoon big daddy , conkers with out health and saftey glasses , water fights in summer snow ball fights in winter , skateboards , Raleigh choppers , three channels on tv and close down at twelve , simpler times , hope your day went as planned , take care .
LittleMissAlone
15-05-16, 09:43
Hi buster
Just seen this!
Great 70s memories.
Can't really top that! 5p pocket money spent on sweets, no seat belts, ladybirds, can't say I miss the beef burgers and tinned Angel delight though! Oh god, sorry about this Jimll Fix It! Basil Brush, Faulty Towers, Multi-coloured Swap Shop, PlaySchool, it was never through the arch window!
Really hope you are well today. I seem to have turned it around, but I did have a panic attack in a shop yesterday, had to leave quickly, despite knowing we have to stick around until it goes.
Oh well. Xxxx
Hi , glad you feel you've turned a corner if you dissapear from the forum I'll take that as a good sign , you missed out tizwas dying fly , phantom flan flinger , sally James every young lads crush , snorkel coats , bazzooka joe bubble gum , pushing the limits on staying out when it was getting dark fine line between going in on time and being grounded the next night , less said about jimllfix it the better bet them badges don't fetch much on flea bay , better day today than yesterday just have to see how tomorrow goes , take care
LittleMissAlone
16-05-16, 07:53
We were only BBC, I'm afraid.....
Excellent news though, hopefully sussed a lot of my anxiety! I chew sugar free gum every day, and have done for I'd say over a year. Only one piece immediately after my main meal, but I have also sneaked an extra half piece lately, and that's supposed to be really bad for the stomach, over producing gas and acid. They are the two reasons why i feel so panicked while out, a horrible nausea. However no bloating or pain, which is probably why it's taken so long.
Wish me luck! As much as I love a daily chew, I'm happy to give it up if it means I can go about normally, like a normal person!
Sun is out, I hope we are alright today. Xxxx
Good luck hopfully you've cracked it , take care X
LittleMissAlone
26-05-16, 12:38
Hey buster
How're you doing now?
I'm still up and down, not as bad as when we had that heat wave, but I'm still struggling doing very simple things.
Really hope I pick up soon.
Yesterday was completely lethargic, day before really good and today a mixture of both.
Hoping all good with you. Xxxx
Hi there , rollercoaster or yoyo would pretty much sum it up for the last few weeks I've been in the darkest of holes and felt pretty good the next day , started the week with family problems came to the coast to get away from it all had a good start then my back went could hardly move , I turned down physio a few weeks ago when my dog died now I'm paying for it , but today has been quite a good day not so much pain got out and about and went to a sea life aquarium it was a very calming place I think if there had been reclining seats in there I'd have fallen asleep haven't had much lately , sat on the beach the other night till it got dark alone not a single person in sight but then it was cold windy and spotting with rain I like it that way somtimes supprised no one turned up with the Samaritans number , I was hoping to go home with a bit of energy and enthusiasm I need to get back into working money is getting tight been chucking money in 2p shuffle machines they are like therapy , still hanging in there hope you are too , take care X
LittleMissAlone
27-05-16, 07:11
Which seaside is it? I've not seen the sea since Easter last year! I miss it, but it's too far to travel for now.
Glad you've found entertaining and calming activities and that you've still got your sense of humour (Samaritans number) I think laughter is healing, YouTube videos are good for that. If you don't laugh you'd cry half the time.
Talking about the 70s, one of my earliest memories was when my brother and I went to a slot machine place in Bournemouth and asked the change man for some pennies because we didn't have any! We'd be 4 or 5 at the time. So 2p not bad inflation in 40 years!
Carry on doing what you're doing. So sorry to hear about your dog, that's very upsetting for anyone. X
Hi , I'm down the east coast ingoldmels it's been quiet but it will be packed by tomorrow kids holidays but I'll be back home by midday it's only a couple of hours drive , it's not been a bad day sunny so got my shorts out and everyone else got their sun glasses on because of my lilly white legs , had a bit of a blip this afternoon but probably down to a sugar rush from ice cream and donuts , not looking forward to going home but can't hide down here for ever , how did your day go ? Good bad or fair to middley , plan is go home eat better sleep better get fitter mentally and physically and get back to work , in reality probably just find somthing to worry about and watch some rubbish tv like brittains got no talent , take care
LittleMissAlone
28-05-16, 07:42
Hi buster
I'd assumed you lived by the coast, 2 hours is quite far!
I'm ok, but I've got to go to my parents today. Not seen them since Easter, so I'm running out of excuses, although they've been away last 2 weekends. That's stressing me a bit, but I'll be ok.
It's good that you noticed about the sugar. I've realised about caffeine this week. I'm going from 2 to one cup of tea a day now. I've been in denial because I love it so much, but the caffeine makes me jittery nervy and acidy, so no brainer. I'm so sick of this now, I'll do anything, even go down totally to decaf if I have to.
I've watched a YouTube vid on anxiety symptoms this morning. I can't decide if it was helpful. I think if anything it's made me feel worse, but they say all treatments make you feel worse before they make you feel better. I usually feel worse, don't get the better part.
They say that anxiety affects mainly women, but a lot of men get it too.
Hope you have a good weekend.
Hi , I notice you post in the morning is that when you're at your worst ? I wake up most mornings like I've got a hangover but I don't really drink anymore just the odd pint since I tried citalapram four years ago can't drink before that I drank every weekend from about 14 to 40 so I suppose I had a good run , hope your trip to your parents go's ok I won't even try to guess what they are like with you I see my mum once a week and she rings me a couple of times my dad died in 99 that was when I got my first taste of this crappy anxiety it wasn't him dieing in front of me or the double life hed led with other kids who turned up at the funeral ( my life's usually like an episode of eastenders ) it was the pills the doc prescribed to get over it so I've given up on antidepresants but I know some people do well on them , I think the reason people think anxiety is a woman thing is women will admit it men hide it , the biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide that's not because they are too happy to live , I'm 46 this week so I don't have to worry about that now I've left it to late I could get in to real trouble if I messed up their statistics , talking of statistics at the aquarium I learned you are more likely to die from being hit on the head by a falling coconut than being killed by a shark , I'll back that up once got my nose broke on a funfair by being hit in the face with a coconut in a fight not sure that's what they had in mind lesson learned don't get into a fight with somone who's just won a coconut, any way rambling on so I'll finish with a question to another 40 somthing assuming your life hasn't all been bad which I hope it hasn't which was you best era / decade 70s was good but the 80s was best for me from 10 to 20 a lot changes and I know things won't be that much fun again it goes by so fast , bmx bikes , motorbikes , learning to drive , concerts and festivals , thinking that you are going to live for ever and only other people get old , laughing until it hurt , staying up all night then going straight to work , take care .
LittleMissAlone
29-05-16, 05:45
Morning buster
Yes, I'm an early bird, that's why I message then. I put my router plug in the car from early evening onward to stop me from using it. Drives you mad the Internet!
Happy birthday for this week. I'm 46 next month, my parents still think I'm a kid because I've not married, no kids. I could only stay 4 hours, though I said I'd stay over. I couldn't get comfortable, though I seemed healthy and chirpy enough. They know I'm not well but they don't understand it.
My favourite decade was the 90s. I did loads, though I've always been anxious it didn't even occur to me to let it stop me from doing amazing things, including living in Strasbourg fir a few months as a student. Don't even speak French!
Feeling nice and positive. Going to try to get to my parents again soon, it's good for me to face these things. Xxx
Hi there , from your parents point of view it is hard to understand metal illness it wasn't invented in their day , today soldiers come home with ptsd back in the war they shot you for cowardice , before I got bad I wouldn't have understood either it has made me more compassionate towards people with mental problems their is usually a story of how they got there I've had a few freinds end up sectioned and a few take their lives one friend used to tell me her mother would criticise her for not getting out of bed when she was depressed and her useless she eventually went off beachy head she just needed the right help ,first time I went through this after mushrooms in the 80s my dad thought it was funny and joked about it to people , somtimes I think being on your own is a good thing only you to worry about but I have grown up daughters and they are still a big worry I'm closer to my younger daughter since she nearly died of an overdose two years ago and I didn't judge her on what she had done I didn't see it coming we are all good at hiding things , that bit of you that went to live over seas is still in there you've just got to find it and get rid of all the anxiety you've replaced it with , is see my mind as being like my shed its a mess and full of junk I've just got to sort out the bits I like and need and get rid of the junk that's of no use to me , still trying to work out how , I like the locking the devil Internet in the car overnight if I'm on it late I can't sleep at all , sat in the garden last night to get away from the technology and woke up in the dark at 11.30 did sleep better though , bonjour
LittleMissAlone
29-05-16, 14:15
You weren't kidding about your life being like eastenders! Sorry that you've had all this drama, our minds are such delicate things.
I was moved what you said about that girl going to France, yes she is still there somewhere, it's only my thoughts that have changed, not the situations, but once you've gone through some of life's crap it's difficult to see it like that.
I would always recommend losing the smart phone overnight, it's so addictive and then people wonder why they can't sleep. Frightening what kids are up to on it too.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy your bank holiday. I've just been out for a walk, going further than I've managed lately. I used my sea bands for the nausea I feel while out. It doesn't always work, but I'm glad it did today.
Hi , guess you'll be reading this in the morning , read your last post and thought hold on who I did say went to France ? Then realised it was you ( been a long day ) if I told you all of the crap life has been chucking our way you'd think i was making it up so I'll tell you somthing funny instead that happened last summer , I was working in my shed and a huge bee came in I'm not too scared but I did get stung while driving last year on my neck so I'm not a huge fan , anyway it kept buzzing round then settling for couple of hours didn't want to kill it so eventually I just said out loud have the f@&King shed and slammed the door and went home , next morning just putting the key in the lock and I remember who's in there waiting for me I creep in looking around but can't see it , then a buzzing in my coat I run out pull off my coat throw it down and I'm about to stamp on it when the buzzing turns to a ring , I'm about to stamp on my phone , didn't see the bee but I bet it was pi&@ing it's self and telling it's mates what a t&@t I looked , have a good day . X
LittleMissAlone
30-05-16, 13:13
Hi buster
Had a bad experience, just when I was feeling positive that I was improving. I live about 1 min away from tesco. It took two attempts to get there earlier today, the second time having to psych myself to go in (I struggled a lot with this back in February but I thought I was over it) but went in. I recognised 2 people in there, one of them taking an age going through self service. I had to skulk round the back buying soap I don't really want just to make it look as if that was why I was there. She went so I then used the self service thing myself and came home. Felt down but made myself some food and now I feel better.
Can't think what set that off. I could do the shopping and even hang around but I just wasn't up to the chit chat. It's as if my mind was telling me off for believing I may be improving slowly!
Oh well, I'll head off out again. Hoping you're having an ok day.
It's a real sod when that happens out of the blue I can go in the same shop 20 times then one time the last few steps before I go in it hits me for no reason and if there s a que I feel trapped into staying don't want to look like an idiot walking out , you probably looked like a shop lifter but I'd rather they thought that than he's just freaked out for no reason , you have to keep going in though you got through it second time , I've stood in a crowd of 100,000 people at a concert at the front and left a shop because I was fourth in a que , you've got to laugh haven't you , go back in today for something random you don't really need it takes the pressure off as you can walk back out , stick with it you will get there , take care .
LittleMissAlone
31-05-16, 05:36
Hi Buster
Thanks for being so understanding, even I wouldn't get it if I didn't go through it myself.
Yesterday afternoon I took myself off in the car to try and get some exercise in after a morning of watching YouTube vids. At first I could only go a few metres before having to turn back to the car. I get a sort of barking pain in my stomach (even wearing anti nausea bands). Drove to another village and managed to walk a tiny bit further before having to turn back. It's a separation anxiety from my car. I know.
Drove somewhere else but then I developed a breathing technique that managed to get rid of the nausea. Stopped off again and was able to go further. So today I'll try this deep breathing thing as soon as it starts.
I'm sure the mirtazapine is helping me to calm down, but look what happened at tesco yesterday!
Hoping you're ok.
Hi , sorry you are gong through it most people take going for a walk for granted sounds daft that your mind won't let you , you are off driving around and I drive off on bad days in my camper van and park up somewhere I won't get bothered I'll have a cupper and have a nap if I have t slept , how many others are there out there doing the same , felt really crap when I got up but had to go to post office to post stuff I've sold over the weekend then off to a factory to pick bits up all went ok today made a mix cd last night and turned it up loud while out driving in city's is very aggressive and stressful , goo goo dolls , iris is a song somes up how I feel on a bad day , docs on Thursday ( my birthday ) to see how I'm doing on mirtazepine didn't even get the pills still got the script stuck to the notice board with the others they keep trying to get me on after citalapram don't think I'll ever go down that route but I know others who do well on them for years hopfully you are the latter the first few months are the worst I wasn't told that when I took them , take care hope your day go's ok one day at a time
LittleMissAlone
02-06-16, 04:26
Morning Buster, and happy birthday!
Hope you have a fab day. I know 2 others turning 46 today,though I lost touch with them both years ago. I'm good with birthdays!
I'm up crazy early today, probably because I'm not doing much in the day and the last couple if nights I've slept well. I noticed that as well as the breathing I have to keep my shoulders down, that helps with feeling less tense and reducing the nausea.
You're spot on about walking though. When I was working I had to walk quite a distance there and I was getting more and more likely to decide I couldn't do it and would feel more and more sick and then turn back. I've not worked for months now but since I've been ill I've noticed the same pattern of turning round, even when only on a walk, nowhere to go, and only for a few metres. But then I'd try again and get further, but never very far. I used to be able to walk miles no problem.
Anyway thanks to mirtazapine (been on about 3.5 months) and breathing I'm determined to break through all that.
I hope the doc appointment goes well for you, and enjoy your day!
Hi there , very sweet of you to send a birthday message , had a rough night so not feeling great but got to face family and a least pretend to be happy , I'd give up all my bday presents and cards for the rest of my life to have another year or two with my dog I miss him so much I've got family which is good but you don't have to act happy around your dog they don't judge you , I know your birthday is coming up and I really hope you have a good day maybe anxiety will give you the day off and you can be your old self for the day , anyway I'm out for a walk and then nip to mothers to pick up a card , take care and I hope you get out a bit further today X :)
LittleMissAlone
03-06-16, 06:38
Hiya
I hope you had a good day yesterday. It's so sad when pets die, it's a real grieving process.
I had a strange day really. I've not got a job I went for, and I'm not due any tax rebate at all when I thought I was up for quite a lot. Never mind, it's not as if I'd already spent it.
I went for an early run but then after didn't really feel too great. But them in late afternoon I went for a walk. I'm definitely noticing coping strategies and relaxing myself when out. Then I parked about 10mins away from m&s because I wanted some food for today. I managed it relatively well. When I came out I thought that I must tell Buster, he'll be so proud of me!
Still cold and miserable today. I wonder if it was warm our depression would come back as it did when I started this thread.
Anyway, I hope you have a good day.
Hi , really glad you are getting out last time I ran it was because I'd stepped out from behind a Lorry and a car was coming , yesterday started bad got worse and ended the same I won't depress you with details , from what you say I think your time on here will be short lived as much as it's nice to chat I think you are on the right track and you will soon be well enough to get back on with your life this place can be counter productive in getting well , when your posts dissapear that will be a good thing , you seem a good person and deserve a good life back at work and getting out , take care and have a good day
LittleMissAlone
03-06-16, 15:29
That's very kind of you. Yes, I probably won't be on here for much longer, definitely on the home straight but this nightmare started in October!
I'll leave you with my birthday, to see if you remember. 22nd June.
All the best for you too! Xxxx
Hi there , tall order for me to rember anything at the moment my heads all over the place but if I do forget I really do hope you have a good peaceful birthday , still not sleeping so I can feel my self slipping down hill fast although my family aren't seeing it and still keep putting pressure on , I've come out in the middle of the night in my van and I'm thinking just keep driving , hope you are still on the right road , take care
Hi guys
Just saw this thread and just wanted to say I too have had a terrible may for some reason.
Every morning has been filled with crippling anxiety. I've seen my psych who has added Pregabalin to my current mix. Hoping for a better June, that's for sure.
Tc
Tims
LittleMissAlone
06-06-16, 13:14
Spoke too soon, Buster! Really not a good weekend, and this morning slightly pear shaped, couldn't get to the tesco right next to me. I swear it's the sunshine triggering us. I did get in my car and drive to another supermarket (I needed to for an ingredient I wanted). The only thing I'm doing with any confidence these days is bloody eat. Really I should be on 30mg mirtazapine, but I know that will just increase my appetite. My issues are always stomach based, and I've finally realised I've got to steer clear from chewing gum, had some on sat and I'm still acidy. I really thought I was improving with the breathing, but one step forward three back. I hope you're ok too.
Hi Tims
Anxiety is such a sod, isn't it. Let us know how you get on with pregabalin, it's always good to hear success stories. I really think summer blues is a thing.
Hi guys, hope nobody minds me jumping in here. I think another element as regards winter/summer is that as far as anxiety goes we are more exposed. Neighbours stand around in gardens and driveways because it's light in the evenings and (as I write),warm.
The winter offers us cover of darkness but the downside can be isolation. Possibly unconnected is the fact I'm having a tough start to June. I 'think' it may be having had dental work done since March which has possibly focused the anxiety on a series of appointments and coping with the related anxiety. Now that has come to an end and I'm getting anxiety. Why? I should be having less shouldn't I? Any theories?
Hi , there missy and the two new guys ,sorry you had another blip didn't think you'd be back which sounds crap but would be a good thing , had a real rough weekend to Friday felt pretty good daughter bought me an MP3 so I loaded it up with all my guilty pleasure songs and went out through some woods I just felt great here's the funny bit stood on a bridge over a river singing away as nobody about I'm singing stone roses I am the resurrection and two lads come up from under the bridge with fishing rods must have thought I was a nutter ( not far wrong ) didn't sleep that night again and it all went down hill , I'd like to blame the weather or the food or stars but there doesn't seem to be any rymme or reason somtimes , didn't feel quite as bad today but I'm exhausted from the weekend , see it as a blip and take each day as it comes I've been going though this long enough to know it can go as quickly as it comes you might get up tomorrow and feel it's eased off and it might just sod off for good , take care you lot soon be Autumn
---------- Post added at 21:39 ---------- Previous post was at 21:28 ----------
Fishman just somthing I have noticed with me I get a delay in my anxiety , my dog died seven weeks ago today and it was horrific but I coped at the time staying with him to the end and taking him to be cremated I coped with dealing with them and paying etc but now I'm in a state again I've had a lot of problems over the last few years and I somtimes stay quite calm when it's happening then fall apart just after it all calms down when I have time to go over it maybe it's the overthinking part that starts the anxiety , who knows , take care .
Hi Buster, thanks for your input mate and you may be right. That had to be an awful experience with your dog, we love them too much don't we. In 2012 we had to have our little border terrier put to sleep, we were all shattered so know how you feel. We now have another border and a black lab, wouldn't be without them.
Since I posted earlier it's occurred to me that since we got another car in April, our MOT date has switched from May to August. I struggle with MOTs, it must be the macho environment that makes me feel I MUST keep my anxiety hidden. Perhaps this is causing the current anxiety as being June now the MOT is normally behind me by now. You take care too :)
Hope you feel better soon. I think my anxiety seems to increase usually about September after summer but probably all just a coincidence. Is there anything you fancy doing that you enjoy today? I suffer GAD and OCD and was recently made redundant from a job i worked over 20 years so my anxiety, worry and ocd is going crazyso i went to the gym and it helped a little. I think Social Media in moderation is good like anything it's a balance. Whatever makes you feel better. Hoping we all have a good day. Best of luck :)
LittleMissAlone
07-06-16, 13:13
Thanks Wayne.
I've only had access to the Internet at home since January and I genuinely wonder if it actually does help me. Without it I'd be a lot more bored and no doubt eager to get out. Every thing in balance is the key.
I find that chemically I'm down today, and I'm wondering if it's the sun. I've a doctor appointment on Thursday, but a job interview on Monday. Really hope I can impress but in all honesty I set out this morning in the car and turned right round again.
Summer onset SAD is a thing and I'm sure I have it.
I think we all have to believe that it'll pass.
A little bit of communication with similar minded people is good and even online. We can't always get uo and go and sometimes we need a rest and just do nothing. Put on a movie or your favourite music and eat healthy as anything we do to help ourselves makes us feel better slightly. Good luck with the interview.
Hi , missy and new peeps , sun was killing me today had to go and buy some bits off chap I buy from regular , it's was hot on way down no aircon and my asthma started a bit so then my anxiety joins in and I could hardly breath managed to hide it which was hard for over an hour got home in a right state and mad as hell at myself cooled down and had to go back for more second journey in midday heat even worse felt like I was going to drop dead shouldn't really be out in the heat to much , hope that interview go's ok try not to avoid it you will only beat your self up if you don't go at least if you go and don't get it you tried , fish man I have trouble with mot's now and I was in the motor trade for ten years I used to take cars every day and help the mot stations out doing work for them , recently my daughter took her car in and they tried to rip her off it took everything in me to argue with them when they realised I knew what I was talking about they conveniently lost the bill and didn't charge for the part they hadn't fitted , find a small garage you can trust and stick with them , good to have a few people to chat with who are in the same boat , the chat room seems to make me more anxious , people call me miserable for not liking being roasting hot I'll be happier if the promised storm happens tonight , take care
LittleMissAlone
08-06-16, 07:28
Morning Buster
I've never been in the chat room. Are we not chatting here? I can't catch up.
You're not mad to prefer cooler weather, especially if you get asthma. Being hot and bothered is an actual thing! Years ago I discovered that wearing a sun hat significantly cools you down and minimises that sun stroke feeling you think you get which in turn can bring on a panic. I'm very fair and not designed for hot weather, but moving around in the heat wearing a hat is doable.
Also with you chaps talking about MOTs you probably find crying difficult, but the heat has triggered this a little in me and has taken the anxiety away. I had a good afternoon yesterday so am hoping to build in it.
Also about the weather, again, it's chopped and changed such a lot over the last few weeks, and every time it gets hot again I'm worse. But I suffer a bit from hay fever and I'm on mirtazapine which is an antihistamine so I wonder if that will help. So far I don't think I've sneezed, though I've not heard this from anywhere else.
Hoping we all gave a good day today.
---------- Post added at 07:28 ---------- Previous post was at 06:42 ----------
Actually, just seen a thread, somebody else has noticed mirtazapine is good for hay fever.
Hi , I was promised a thunderstorm last night that didn't turn up , I'm fair skinned to I can't be out in it long it's a running joke at my post office that I hate the hot weather I'll take a walk in the rain anyday , glad you had a good afternoon yesterday maybe today will be the same , take care and ware sun screen ( remember that song it was rubbish )
LittleMissAlone
09-06-16, 06:00
Hi Buster
Back to feeling anxious in social situations after feeling positive again. Not to go into grim detail but I'm hormonal so that combined with my summer SAD is making it worse. I've actually got a docs appointment this morning to discuss medication. Guess what, feel nervous. At least I'll be only in there 2 mins before he shows me the door...
I know I'm so much better than lots of people with this awful illness though.
Had a personal message from someone called Jamie. Never heard of him before and he just asked me how I was. If I hear from him agsin I'm going to report him. This isn't a dating site.
Weather set to turn v soon. Hurrah!
Have a good day.
Hi , your doc does that aswell does he my last visit he stood holding the door handle while I was putting my top on they see anxiety on the screen and rule everything else out , so far this year they put my back pain down to anxiety mri showed wear in my discs middle and bottom , and my inhaler being up 8 X as much made my asthma worse gave me a throat infection and oral thrush non of which was as much fun as it sounds docs don't know everything , on a plus bought a little tv for my camper so when I slope off now I can watch TV got it covered now cooler , kettle , TV and Internet , just have to find a tree to park under to stop me melting , I e never used the pm on here but j guess a lot do and don't think anything of it as long as he's not a prince from Nigeria asking for your bank details or your hand in marriage I wouldn't worry about it , have a good ish day , take care
LittleMissAlone
09-06-16, 13:26
Made it to the doctors, I can't tell you how stressed and anxious I was, seriously considered getting him to ring. Not helped by having to wait over 15 mins in waiting room. If I'd known, I'd have gone for a walk or found something to read. He was very good though. I've got to increase medication by half a tablet, and I've got 1mg lorazepam for a job interview I've got on Monday. I've to try one out over the weekend. Feel lucky! Oh, he's putting me for counselling too.
Glad your camper van is homely for you.
Back ache and asthma really horrible. I like to think I'm in good nick physically, it's just mentally and emotionally I need shooting for.
Take care.
Hi , day started ok but it's getting warm and stuffy now feels like there is no air when I try to work , took my granddaughter into school this morning and had to take cakes in for the school fair going in an office full of female teachers with three tubs full of cakes never been so popular they where opening the tubs and sniffing the cakes , handled it well and felt quite positive maybe that's a new career for me delivering cakes to offices , clouding over a bit now so hopfully cool down wheezing is driving me nuts keep thinking its somthing else and I given up on docs , lorazepam think that's similar to diazepam but a bit stronger I take a small amount of diazepam most days just half a tablet to take the edge off I was scared to take them to start with got so worked up I thought they didn't agree with me but it was just me they do help , good luck on Monday hope you get there and get the job it might put you back on track , take care
LittleMissAlone
10-06-16, 14:06
Hi Buster
So weird you joking about a new career, I've thought exactly the same thing about taking portraits! I had a friend round, a very rare occurrence, and I was surprisingly calm. She stayed an hour and I wouldn't have wanted it longer, but I did well. She looked so nice I took some photos of her on my iPad and the lighting was good so we were pleased. They look quite professional. You've got to take positives where you can find them.
Fairly certain I'm not going to do the lorazepam at all. I've got a bit of confidence back. Don't quote me on that.
Please don't say we're old enough for grandchildren at school!
Cooling down soon.
Have a good one.
Hi , that's good you still see freinds ocasionaly I've pretty much cut myself off from mine used to have loads of maltes now I see the odd one , saw one Wednesday for a while and found out one of my old mates had died hadn't seen him for years but looked at old photos and shed a tear for him he was younger than me and I've missed the funeral , yep old enough to be a grandad there's a woman at the school with a daughter same age so young enough to be a parent as well , got so worked up yesterday feel hung over this morning hopfully that will pass and feel better later , take care
Went out to the airport today to see iron maidens tour plane come in had two arguments with different security men , did a 20 minute walk up hill to see it without getting wheezy then had half a pint at a pub on way home felt pretty good , sat out in the garden now in the peeing down rain under my gazebo absolutely lovely I just love the sound of the rain , wonder what tomorrow will be like ?
LittleMissAlone
12-06-16, 06:34
Hey, that's great for you! So pleased you had a good day, it lifts you.
I didn't achieve anything, my acid stomach was playing up when I went out. But I'm upping the mirtazapine so that's bound to do some things.
You say you take some form of diazapine. I've just seen a frightening YouTube thing of this young man in a real state with withdrawal. Best avoided, but you seem to manage well.
Hi , I started taking the diazepam after taking citalapram which messed me up so bad I had a breakdown , they go up to a 10mg I take 2 mg and I usually break that in half , I went through a time where I didn't take any for about six months so I'm not to worried about withdrawal , if they take the edge off at the worst times that works for me , funny that the docs persuaded me to start taking them then don't want to give you them after , another rainy day got up to two frogs in the kitchen left the door open last night while in the garden cheeky sods , have a good day
LittleMissAlone
12-06-16, 12:27
Goes to show how everyone is different on these things, all a bit of a lottery.
I'm seriously questioning whether I'm fit for this job interview, will pull out all the stops. If I really want something I'm more likely to do it. This morning I headed out in the car to some shops, couldn't face getting out so came home (the petrol industry does well out of me, the times I drive somewhere and have to come straight home). I live next to a perfectly good tesco so in my mind I can go there. I wouldn't let myself starve! Have a good day too.
Try your hardest to go for the interview if it's a job you realy want , you will feel worse if you don't even go , if you go and it starts to go pear shaped just say I'm sorry I don't feel well and go nothing is keeping you there , there will always be another job and another day , take care
LittleMissAlone
13-06-16, 09:54
Hi Buster
I feel surprisingly calm, without the assistance of Valium. It's an hour, but I doubt it'll be as long as that, the money's poor and basically a chimpanzee can do it. They're looking for interpersonal skills. I'll be ok if I can relax. I'll be parked immediately outside so psychologically that'll be a massive advantage. Starts at 1pm.
Really hope it went well for you. Don't beat yourself up if it didn't? It's all good practice whatever the outcome.
LittleMissAlone
13-06-16, 14:01
Thanks Pulisa
That's really kind. Well, I was late by 6 mins and the email said they wouldn't let any latecomers! Genuinely don't know how much I could have done anyway. Rung them to apologise, you never know it might all end up ok. As you say it was all good experience.
When I thought I was in the right place and early I was really nervous, but once I knew I'd blown it the nerves went! Did well just to get there. They want quite a few staff and only 3 being interviewed!
Please keep fingers crossed that they take pity on me!
Well done on getting there and going through with it hope you get it and if you don't at least you gave it a try and that's got to be good for your confidence , fingers crossed .
Don't write this one off as you never know...and well done for going! That's got to be a success whatever the job outcome.
LittleMissAlone
14-06-16, 07:36
Thanks.
Buster I didn't do it, I was late by a few mins (it was confusing and difficult to find) but it was good I actually walked in there.
Also, the email said I should say if I've got any illness they should know about. Well I do! If I'd told them I have crippling anxiety, in the process of increasing meds, would that have worked for, or against me, do you think?
---------- Post added at 07:36 ---------- Previous post was at 06:31 ----------
I've started a new thread asking that question.
Hi , sorry I read it wrong thought you got there late but still went in , still like you said you at least made the step to appy for it and go there , there was a short period for me were I couldn't leave the house let alone go to an interview , you will get there just take baby steps , had quite a good day yesterday went out early worked for 5 hours and felt quite positive it was crushed back out of me when I got home by family but that's somthing else I need to work out , take care x
LittleMissAlone
14-06-16, 08:12
Ah yes, family.
Do you think we're doing quite well at the moment because the sun isn't making an appearance? I've definitely noticed I'm worse in warm and sunny days.
Yes, even thinking about going to a job interview would have been inconceivable not long ago.
Baby steps indeed.
Could be the weather perking us up only problem I have is going out in the morning it's raining but to warm for a coat , I get other dog walkers asking if I'm happy now it's raining I say "yeah bit happier thanks " other dog still won't walk far now the other ones gone , started the process to take the vets to court over the way we were treated it's all business to them they don't care about animals anymore just the bottom line , think they thought we'd just go away but now Royal college of vets is involved , next interview you get you can go there thinking if things go bad you can just walk away it takes the pressure off I hate being trapped in situations but if I know I can walk away I feel much better , take care .
LittleMissAlone
14-06-16, 13:28
Yes, that's good advice.
How did the vet treat your dog? That sounds really upsetting. Good for you taking it forward.
Four months ago I notice my dog is limping he had arthritis for a few years so take him to vets they do an xray £200 and say he's got a tumar , we are told he's fit and healthy so amputation is best option , £600 to amputate , drop him off in the morning no phone call all day so 7 pm ring them told it went ok pick him up at 10 pm , we go in and receptionist gives us a bill for £2900 I go ballistic at why its so much and she laughs and says don't worry about it vet comes out more arguing and can't have dog till we sign payment agreement , heart pounding like I'm going to drop dead on way home no sleep , ring vets in morning about bill and told they under quoted and an agency vet took to long doing it , so a week later dog goes back and all seems ok same night he starts breathing weird I'd been sleeping down stairs with him , it gets worse so back he goes and vet says he has kennel cough even though he hasn't shown any signs of coughing if he gets worse ring us 24 hours we are always open , he gradualy got worse over a few days and woke me up pawing my head one night I could feel he was struggling , later that day he got worse still so rang vets about 8 oclock no answer kept ringing as I'm very worried still no answer so ring another emergency vets they are about 30 mins away by this time he'd collapsed on the floor , I knew he was dieing and wouldn't make it so me and my daughter laid with him stroking him untill he took his last breath which was only about 15 mins , we are pretty sure had they taken two X-rays one of his lungs it would have shown it had spread but all they see is oportunity to make money putting him to sleep in the first place would have made much , it absolutely broke my heart that night , I had him 11 1/2 years and he got me through the worst of times when I couldn't leave the house I made the effort just for him even though it terrified me going out , he was such a character I miss everything about him , I know now from other dog owners the vets name is already mud so I don't want them getting away with treating people and animals the way they do , worked again today and I'm not used to it so I'm actually tired and achey from work not anxiety it's a very differnt tiredness ,
LittleMissAlone
15-06-16, 07:27
Oh god that's such a sorry tale, how can they do that? So glad the Royal College of Vets are involved. Just barbaric practice.
I remember years ago I worked with this lady and her son died of a heart problem but he'd been born severely disabled. They had to look after her daughters dog and that really helped them get out, it's so easy to give in to these things. Dogs can save lives, can't they?
Keep strong. The RCV will be on the side of the dog. I know he can't come back but I'm sure you'll get justice.
Keep in touch.
Hi , sorry shouldn't have dumped that on you the last thing you need is my sorry stories , hope you have a good day and get out and about , loved the warm rain yesterday everyone was sheltering in the supermarket I walked out quite happy in the peeing down rain , let's see what today brings , take care
LittleMissAlone
15-06-16, 08:48
That's weird about the rain, they'll call you Rain Man!
Don't worry about the sad story, they are all sad, aren't they? That's life. I'm getting used to increasing mirtazapine and now I have a butterfly feeling, and wonder if it's hunger pangs, even though I'm eating a lot. Just another anxiety thing to try and beat.
Have a good day.
Hi there , you know that saying be careful what you wish for you just might get it , well I like the rain but it's getting beyond a joke had to drive home through floods tonight and my neighbours had water up to their door steps never see. It so bad didn't think the wellies would be needed again this year , had four good days this week then today was bad but I can live with that ratio , how you been since the interview day that's another saying somtimes we fail where we seek to fail perhaps you weren't quite ready or you didn't fancy the monkey job hold out for the one you realy want , take care .
LittleMissAlone
17-06-16, 04:33
Hi Buster
I thought I'd picked up yesterday but then went to my local shop in the afternoon I and had unpleasant nausea, followed by tears, brought on by the shocking shocking news of that poor mp. Because of the rain I haven't been able to do very much so am not out and about as much as I'd like, at least to try.
But because I think I'm getting better I'm thinking more about work. They say keeping busy is the key to beating this thing, and I think now I may sign up to an agency to do easy but active stuff.
Glad you've had 4 good days! You can build in that.
Hi , I go through the same thing I feel good and confident then I can be dealing with somone and it slowly pops into my head and Im Looking for a way out of the situation , felt rubbish first thing realy sickly and tired so I'm back off in the van , have you thought about volunteering my cousin went through same as me anxiety etc and she works in a charity shop part time she seems quite happy there they are a lot more understanding than most employers maybe because they don't have to pay you but you can claim some benefits while doing it and it's a stepping stone back to the job you want to do , just an idea but you've probably already considered it , have a good day .
LittleMissAlone
17-06-16, 11:49
That is a really good idea. The only thing that puts me off, apart from the obvious, is having to pay for the police checks. I don't have a current one and they can be pretty pricey.
Thanks though, thats just looking for excuses.
Happy birthday , hope your absence means you are on the mend , have a good day X
LittleMissAlone
22-06-16, 06:13
Hi Buster
Thank you, you remembered!
I was hoping you're ok too, not heard from you. I'm always jolly glad to get this day out the way. Yesterday it was warm and sunny and I felt down again when out, whereas when we had all that rain I felt better! Crazy, but I normally pick up by the end of June, even during years when I'm not too bad!
Thanks again, and I hope to hear good news from you. Xxx
Hi , now if I can rember my mums birthday without being reminded I'm winning , had few rough days but feel a bit calmer today , the summer solstice has gone now so we are heading towards winter , I think the only difference will be colder rain , hope you are doing ok , I'm not a big fan of birthdays either but I think I'd be a bit upset if no one remembered , take care .
LittleMissAlone
23-06-16, 05:05
Hi Buster
Just wrote you a message and it wouldn't send! Will keep this short. Had a lovely day, though felt on edge with my friend in the evening.
Sorry it's brief, will send it now. Take care.
Hi , that's great that you had a good day first of many hopefully , I hate it when lose a message I use my phone and one wrong touch and it's all gone , start my cbt today anxous but hopeful , wish it was closer to home but beggars can't be choosers , have a good day , take care .
LittleMissAlone
23-06-16, 13:55
Oh, I didn't know you were having therapy. All the best with it.
Hi , cbt is the only option available to somone like me I don't take antidepressants because of bad past experience , I was put forward for cbt four years ago but my mental state was considered to bad after the antidepressants that they turned me down , how daft is that "to bad for therapy come back when you feel well" , it was a bit daunting as it was a city hospital but got there and got through the first hour , I would have prefered a woman therapist but felt ok with the chap I got he lost his dad suddenly in his twenties to which was a bit of common ground , I'm not expecting miracles but at least I'm doing somthing positive towards getting better , how are you doing any more job interviews lined up yet ? And are you getting on top of that super market thing ? , take care .
LittleMissAlone
24-06-16, 10:48
Wow, that's great. A whole hour. I wouldn't worry about the same sex, I've not got on with either! And it's good that he acknowledges your trauma. I saw a bloke last Sep before I was properly bad, I was obviously not well, but I was able to work part time at that time. I haven't suffered any major trauma and the bloke said, I kid you not, "you're just a nervous person" (forgive me if I've said that before) and yet Id told him loads of things I struggle with and indeed was even having a bit of a panic in front of him. That lasted only 20 mins, I wouldn't have been so stressed if I'd known it was only going to last that long. Really quite disgusted with him, he was a bit creepy too. But a few years ago I saw a woman and I had been through a trauma a few months before. The first session I had with her was really helpful, she made me see I'd been through a lot. The second session, two weeks later, she spoke to me as if I should have been cured! Whether her reasoning was a sort of tough love approach, well, again not impressed.
I've had another phone assessment this week. I was quite honest about the counsellor from last year and so I'm not having that again.
But you've come so far, you're ready to face your demons. Im a bit confused, I thought you take diazepam, is that not an antidepressant, or just a tranquilliser type thing?
Apparently Europe is really shocked we've left, we can stand alone!
Hi , up until now the only two professionals ( and I use that term loosely ) who I've been comfortable talking to are my original doctor who got me help when the other docs messed me up , he was a real eccsenttric and he'd had problems of his own his son took his life at 11 years old he actually listened trouble was he retired a few weeks after seeing him , the other is a nurse practitioner she listens and gives advise but doesn't push you and she always rembers what you've said even months later she's always booked up though , seeing a man makes me feel a bit of a failure , I didn't realise you had been going through this for so long I got the impression you were new to it , therapists and mental health workers somtimes haven't got a clue you would think they could spot a panic attack even when you hide it , I saw the crisis team when I first got bad and a woman signed me off and said I wasn't anxous when I was trembling all over and in a real state 24 7 , diazepam are tranquillisers they are just a sticky plaster to get you through unlike antidepressants which are meant to alter you minds balance long term ,
My granddaughter asked me on the way to school if she would have to move house now we re out of the eu I just said no but you can't have sweets anymore or go to the same school she's just laughs and says your lieing , she also wanted to know how we leave and what happens now all good questions I think the answer is sod all we just carry on with the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer , hope you had a good day mine wasn't to bad dealt with a couple of people without freaking out , take care
LittleMissAlone
25-06-16, 06:19
Smart kid, your grand daughter.
Yes, I've had a whole history of this sort of thing, but it's never gone on for as long as this time, and prior to it I've been 'normal' for a few years.
After the session with that therapist last year I got in touch with a friend who's had loads of therapy over the years. She said that it's almost as if therapists/counsellors go out of their way to wind you up. Why? I needed therapy after my therapy session. You feel angry when these so called experts can't even recognise genuine torment sat in front of them.
Apparently I've been taking my med wrong for the last 2 weeks, I'd been alternating the meds rather than breaking them, which is what I should have been doing according to a pharmacist . Oh well easily remedied. I'm still taking the same amount, but it may explain why I've found the last few days difficult.
Buster, you're not a failure. It fakes a strong man asking for help. Have a good one.
LittleMissAlone
25-06-16, 13:28
Hiya
Just been reading what you're putting on another thread. Hoping you do get a new puppy! Really exciting, and healing for you.
Hi , got the pup she's a beauty , it's been a real hard day got upset thinking about my old boy and my anxiety went through the roof but hopfully it will subside when she settles in and be a good thing in the long run , had chest pain all day but trying to avoid the docs , pharmacists can be pretty good these days some know a lot more than the docs , my docs have prescribed me several drugs I can't take with asthma , it's good you have a real life friend to confide in not just the internet I couldn't imagine telling one of my mates how messed up I am , I've had people tell me they've had breakdowns while walking my dog and j still keep quiet about my problems it's a like big fear of being found out , if you don't get the right help I guess you keep trying , take care .
LittleMissAlone
26-06-16, 07:36
She's beautiful, what are you going to call her? I live in a block of flats so can't have a dog which is a shame.
I don't see a lot of people but I'm quite open, I just say to people who haven't suffered like we do here on this website that my brain needs rewiring, that's why I need meds, so I dont revert to the fight or flight thing when I'm not in actual danger.
Just a suggestion, but you could bring up in therapy this issue you've got with sharing with friends and strangers your problems. It's something you often say to me. I reckon it'll be cathartic, you've got this thing (from your dad?) that real men don't talk about these things. That simply isn't true.
You've done so well overcoming high anxiety levels, and I'm sure you're doing the right thing getting getting a new puppy.
---------- Post added at 07:36 ---------- Previous post was at 05:05 ----------
Having a really bad panic attack this morning, Buster. Not felt as bad as this first thing since probably last year. Initial sudden nausea from nowhere (don't know why) but that's set off full blown attack. It seems to be coming in waves now, though I had thought it had gone. Really have no idea what set it off, so bloody depressing.
This too will pass.
Nausea often sparks panic attacks in me too. Often no reason for the nausea. I've tried peppermint sweets to suck , sips of water, tea etc. For me, it seems to take about half a day for the panic to subside then the rest of the day fr the nausea/gut upset to go. One thing to remember is,. It ALWAYS goes!!
LittleMissAlone
26-06-16, 08:48
Thanks so much Dally. I think I'm over the worst how. Do you find that you question everything you eat? I used to be a bit germ phobic but I'm alright with that now. This morning it was so sudden and so real I even wondered if I'd caught something. My stomach wasn't too bad but my mouth sort of reacted as if I'm going to be sick. I have emetophobia so that is my number one thing. I was left shaking violently, teeth chattering, wanting to cry and not being able to.
I think I'm more in shock now. 2.5 weeks ago I had to increase my mirt and I'm wondering if it's a reaction to that. It wouldn't be the first time, last time I tried increasing I got to this point and quit, but that time I had very bad ibs stomach cramps, not nausea as this time.
I hope you're ok.
Hi , how you getting on good or bad day or should that be bad or not so bad , felt aweful Saturday new pup was pretty good but I kept thinking somthing bad is going to happen got so worked up family coming to see the dog etc I wore myself out , felt calmer yesterday but also felt like I'd been beat up , started today walking the new dog and all went well felt quite positive all day , hope your day went ok I know too well about stomach issues I live a on a diet of gaviscon , antacids and Omeprozol , anxiety causes the acid then the acid gives you the nervous feeling stomach and it just goes round and round , take care .
LittleMissAlone
28-06-16, 05:07
Yes, a friend of mind swears by randitidine but actually these remedies are pretty harmful taken long term. I find that they don't actually work for nervous acid indigestion anyway. You certainly don't get immediate relief which is what you need. I'd rather try more natural remedies (which don't work either).
I've had a couple of very difficult days, hopefully down to the side effects of increasing my mirtazapine rather than just going downhill anyway. But I live right next to tesco and I've not been able to go and buy anything since Saturday! Two whole days, but fortunately I've got food in to last me. I'm hopeful that today I will. But yesterday I was all striding round when for a second my stomach felt as if it was going to hurl! Great, a new symptom. Immediately gave up. I know you're supposed to ignore it and carry on, but I defy anyone to have that sudden terrifying feeling and cope with it.
So hoping today is better. I'm sorry to read you're having problems with diazepam. Sometimes it's best to leave these things alone.
Take care.
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 05:58
Hi Buster
I hope you're ok. I had 2 whole days of not being able to buy anything in my tesco (1 min away). My doctor rang me as I had to review my meds anyway, and he said to continue what I'm doing because in myself I'm fine. I had a nasty panic attack Sunday morning but nothing like that since. He seems to want to concentrate on psychotherapy (how long will that take?) but brilliantly after that conversation I was able to go to the shop and buy 2 things, that was before 6 last night. Phew! I was agoraphobic briefly in Feb but pulled out of it because I live alone and I had to get out.
Tough isn't it?
Hi LMA
Yes, question things I eat that could possibly be causing my gut symptoms. Even after 30 years I still look for reasons other than anxiety. I think it's because eliminating any other cause would be so much easier and quicker 'cure' . I've tried every type of OTC aid for gut problems. Nothing works. I've modified my diet, excluding milk, gluten etc at different periods, again nothing works. What I do know is that when my gut flares up, it's sensitive to everything!! And it takes its own time calming down to normal
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 07:55
Hi Dally
Yes, our guts are so closely linked with emotions. The one thing I should do is give up tea, but frankly, my morning cuppa is what I get out of bed for!
I'm going through a rough patch but I'm hoping it will pass soon.
How extreme do you get? I'm reading that people are sometimes physically sick. I never am, but I'm really not willing to hang around to find out. Over the past 3 days I've felt sick to my stomach when out. I went out earlier for a walk today and got metres before turning round. I had a bottle of cold water and wearing my seabands. But this is bad even for me. I'm 3 weeks into increasing my meds, I can only assume I'm going through side effects that will settle.
Do you have a way of ignoring the voice in your head that tells you you can't do something because of nausea?
I think it can help if you tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you have nausea when you go out. It's not important or significant. I used to be physically sick when I went out but I got through it-it was more like constant gagging but I had no choice regarding staying in and it helps if you have no choice.
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 09:02
Oh bless you Dally. That's truly awful, so pleased you've pushed through it.
I've not been sick since I was 21, I'm 46 now, and Mirtazapine is apparently an antiemetic. How hysterical us that? My only real anxiety point is nausea. The feeling can just go if I no longer feel tense or nervous. Yesterday I thought I'd go for a drive and try and stop for a walk. I must have driven one mile away before overwhelming nausea which immediately reduces when I decide to turn round. This is a power thing as well of course, if someone else is driving and I decide I can't go on, well the thought is terrifying.
I'm going to have to head out now to my shop one minute away. I really need more supplies.
Thanks for your advice, I'll try that acceptance thing, it's the only way forward. Have you tried the swish technique, by the way?
What's that? I tend just to go with my instincts but it sounds fascinating!
---------- Post added at 09:24 ---------- Previous post was at 09:21 ----------
It IS a control thing. Just go out and go out now-don't think about it. You are not out of control and have made a sensible conscious decision to go because you need food. You have no choice in the matter.
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 10:14
Swish technique doesn't work during times like this. It's an NLP thing you can find it on YouTube. Tried to go out earlier but even before I left the building (I live in a block of flats) my stomach filled with acid. Come home and have slowly sucked on a gaviscone, something I very rarely resort to, but that's how had it's become when out (fine st home). I'll let you know if it works when I venture out later.
---------- Post added at 10:14 ---------- Previous post was at 09:49 ----------
Oh sorry, Pulisa, I hadn't realised there was someone else writing. Thanks for all your input.
Hi , I know it would be a avoidance but you could get some shopping delivered the last thing you want is to be hungry it will make your acid worse , eating little and often is what I was told trouble is I do like the bad stuff chocolate crisps etc and if I haven't slept tiredness makes me crave sweet things , had a few good days since Saturday went around like one of them normal people ( joke who's normal these days ) had a rough night last night no real reason so I'm tired out today , had to walk the new pup this morning and take granddaughter to school felt like I had no energy but I got out and kind of got angry at myself to push me along it worked I think somtimes anger at why the hell you are anxous over somthing so small can override it , having half an hour down the nature reserve in my camper then off to drop some bits off at an Engineers , some scum bags just come looking in my van he didn't know I was sat in there having a cupper , he asked if I was fishing , idiot they think you are as stupid as they are , if you haven't tried it try camomile tea it settles my stomach it's an acquired taste I nick name it camelpiss tea , half a spoon of sugar no milk and it's bearable , I don't do normal tea at night anymore but the morning one is nice , still chucking it down I realy got my wish on the rain thing , take care you lot .
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 11:10
Yeah, you certainly lucked out on the rain front!
I'm in a right bad state. What few things I've got to do today so far proving impossible. This isn't like me even on bad days. But after taking that gaviscone tablet I then ate some crisps, an apple and my second and final cup of tea! Only the apple is any good for me. So maybe I'll be a bit better later.
You know people understand, particularly on this website, but when it's just you and you're standing there looking at the bloody building you've got to get to it's so difficult. Actually difficult doesn't even cover it.
You you sound as if you've had a few good days, that's reassuring. I'm just really hoping I'll settle soon when I'm used to the increasing mirt, but who knows?
I think your mental block is thinking something awful will happen if you are out of your comfort zone with an acid stomach/nausea. It won't. My symptoms are the same whether I'm at home or out but they are still driven by anxiety-I'm more "exposed" when I'm outside though but I've got through this by thinking "what the hell". I still have the symptoms but I try not to care..and I always get home but home is not a place of safety for me so it's easier.
Shazamataz
29-06-16, 11:39
I think your mental block is thinking something awful will happen if you are out of your comfort zone with an acid stomach/nausea. It won't. My symptoms are the same whether I'm at home or out but they are still driven by anxiety-I'm more "exposed" when I'm outside though but I've got through this by thinking "what the hell". I still have the symptoms but I try not to care..and I always get home but home is not a place of safety for me so it's easier.
Hi guys, I've vbeen following this thread but not commenting because it's been quite a nice conversation Little Miss and Buster have had going but since Pulisa has joined I will too!
I can so very much relate to what you've said Pulisa. Over xmas and for a while after and then since I relapsed in the past two weeks home isn't safe for me either. The anxiety has been constant and I just want to escape it so I will force myself out because I may as well feel awful somewhere else for a change. In the past with my anxiety it always involved being out with people around and needing to escape and getting home was always such a relief. So it's a bit of a new thing not being comfortable in my own home. So sorry to hear you experience this too.
After 12 days or so of relentless anxiety, the past two days have been better and I'm feeling a lot happier at home with anxiety increasing when I go out. Still not ideal but a bit of an improvement.
Little Miss, I don;t have the same symptoms as you. I seem to have pretty much all the anxiety symptoms to be honest and do have nausea but I'm never actually sick unless I put my fingers down my throat. So you could ask yourself what's the worst thing that could happen? You are sick when you are out? Maybe if you just go out with the thought I don't even care then it will take the panic about it away?
I hope you don't mind me commenting on your thread either, LMA and Buster? We all have different symptoms and different sticking points but sometimes it's just good to offer support and a few ideas. Moral support is so important from people who are going through it and know how overwhelming this can be..
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 11:55
Anyone's welcome!
Thanks for your contributions. Years ago when I was last ill like this (but not crippled by agoraphobia as I am now) I was put on citalopram, and even before I realised what was happening I developed this visualisation thing of imagining myself being sick into my handbag (gross) rather than say in the pavement. Just thinking that completely helped! I also would imagine myself being in a "magic" caravanette thing which would take me to lovely places and do my washing up and I'd be invisible and stuff! Both those things helped.
But this time I'm so much worse! Pulisa you're right, I'm not going to be sick, so the worst thing literally won't ever happen, but it feels so real. My number one thing is emetophobia.
I feel for you guys so much. As bad as things are I've got my haven here.
Buster asked me about Internet shopping but my god I'm screwed if I go down that route.
I'm stuck in a terrifying rut. Tomorrow at the latest I've got to pick up a prescription, I'm almost out of food. It's my friend's birthday tomorrow, I can't see myself getting to the post office.
Hang in there. Pulisa, do you have no safe place?
Hi all , a problem shared and all that so any one welcome , good to hear from you shaz not been carted off to the funny farm just yet I've been close a few times this year ,and pulisa ,I'm up and down like a bloody yoyo I think I've cracked it and then I'm scared to go in a shop I've been in a hundred times before , when I'm bad I always want to be somwhere else when I get there it's no better and I want to be somewhere else , just been out and got through ok no panic Saturday I was mess , yesterday dropped my daughter at work and she left her purse in my van I took it in the shop she works in holding it like a woman and started browsing the handbags she just said "they don't match you're not right in the head ", my doc would probably agree , my safe place is my campervan but it not invisible , missy play an upbeat song loud , REM it's the end of the world and I feel fine works for me psyche yourself up and get to the shop the anxiety can wait till you get back , pretty sure you will be on a high if you get through it , you can do it !!.
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 14:56
Really not coping, buster. It's too hard! I really don't want to eat plain pasta, nuts and an apple for tea! But I'm just filled up with acid when I attempt anything. I've had 2 gaviscone tabs today, don't know why though because they don't work for me.
Hi LMA
I used to moan to my GP about my recurrent stomach 'bugs that I had (obviously) picked up from food that was bad or not cooked properly etc etc...even when everyone in my house had eaten the same thing..and they were all ok. It would start with nausea, sometimes diahorrea,
I am an intelligent person, yet I could not see that I was the only one 'sick.
Eventually, my doctor asked me what difference would it make if it really was food poisoning? As
Everyone always recovers. Also
What was the worst scenario...for me it was diarrhoea in public?
There's just no way around that being acceptable.
Vomiting..can be done if necessary on a pavement or plastic bag...but diahorroea!
LittleMissAlone
29-06-16, 15:41
I've upped my Mirtazapine by half a tablet a night for 3 weeks, and I'm pretty much house bound. That can't be good, can it. I think I'll go back down to 15mg. I just can't live like this. Anyone any ideas? It's just impossible to say, I mean I'd happily put up with this if it's ultimately going to help.
---------- Post added at 15:17 ---------- Previous post was at 15:13 ----------
Dally, just read what you've written.
I KNOW I'm not going to be sick, and I don't even get actual pain or even acid reflux, but the feeling is so unpleasant and overwhelming, that's the problem! I've only been like this for about 3 days now, but I'm sure it's worse.
---------- Post added at 15:23 ---------- Previous post was at 15:17 ----------
Yes, about diarhaerh (can anyone spell that!), you can completely understand people not able to venture out if there is no toilet immediately available. Just horrific for them. X
---------- Post added at 15:41 ---------- Previous post was at 15:23 ----------
I've just spoken to a pharmacist who has said the symptoms probably won't ease. I'm feeling rough at home now, really not like me. Looks like just sticking with 15mg tonight.
Hi all , it's a hard question and I wasn't sure wether to ask but were you lot and others reading this better or worse before starting anti depressants ? I haven't take them for nearly four years at that time I was just stressed and having trouble sleeping but after two weeks of starting them I had a breakdown I had to stick with them after that for six months and things did improve but I've never been the same since or fully recovered , I do wonder how I'd be if I'd just got some rest and not taken them at all , I know for some they work so I wouldn't say don't try them , before the anti depressants I didn't take diazepam and had never taken a sleeping pill , now self medicate with antihistamines to sleep and diazepam on bad days which the doctor no longer wants to give me , I think the doctors have a lot to answer for , wish I could send you a hamper through the net , take care hopfully tomorrow will be better .
For me meds don't work and some have put me in hospital so I prefer to go meds-free and take it as it comes. I believe it's all in my head and meds won't help me-only I can help myself. I believe in black humour to see me through and imagine my late Dad egging me on. Thinking I have a place of safety would make me think other places a threat so I just try to blaze a path through regardless of everything. Sometimes I do well and sometimes I don't but it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things. I care for my autistic daughter so I have to carry on as best I can-she has given me a huge reason to cope better
Hi , pulisa we never stop worrying and caring for our kids it's what good parents do no matter how old they are mine are grown up now , I like a bit a dark humour and can relate to losing my dad , you might find this funny I do now , my dad died when I was in my twenties I put his ashes under a pear tree he had planted on his allotment it's was the first year it had fruit and he always put pot ash in the soil so it seemed right a while later I went back to visit and where the tree had been was big whole someone had nicked the tree along with the soil and dads ashes , don't know where he is now but that was in 1999 so maybe somwhere there's a big pear tree , dark but you have to laugh , have a good un .
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 04:55
Morning All
I accept your cyber hamper Buster with thanks! So kind of you. Also, such a sad/funny story about the pear tree! He sounded such a colourful character! Did you share the ashes out, or did it all go with the tree?
I've really really kicked back re taking tablets, I've tried them, come off them, tried going without, increasing, the lot. I do at least know that mirt 15mg doesn't give any unpleasant side effects. Ok they don't really work, and perhaps I'm worse in some areas, which is why the doc increased it. But the usual amount for what I've got is 30mg, and yet after 3 weeks on 22.5 I was an acid filled housebound wreak.
The good news after I write the above is that I went out for a very short drive, and I actually made it to tesco and bought 3 things!
I had 15mg last night, slept very well (yes going to bed crazy early) and I'm really hopeful I can achieve more today. I only hope that it's not detrimental upping the meds during that time, maybe even advantageous?
Pulisa, you do so well looking after your daughter, you're stronger than you think.
Shazamataz
30-06-16, 06:10
Hi all , it's a hard question and I wasn't sure wether to ask but were you lot and others reading this better or worse before starting anti depressants ? I haven't take them for nearly four years at that time I was just stressed and having trouble sleeping but after two weeks of starting them I had a breakdown I had to stick with them after that for six months and things did improve but I've never been the same since or fully recovered , I do wonder how I'd be if I'd just got some rest and not taken them at all , I know for some they work so I wouldn't say don't try them , before the anti depressants I didn't take diazepam and had never taken a sleeping pill , now self medicate with antihistamines to sleep and diazepam on bad days which the doctor no longer wants to give me , I think the doctors have a lot to answer for , wish I could send you a hamper through the net , take care hopfully tomorrow will be better .
Hey Buster, and everyone else.
My experience is that I've had anxiety for 20 years now. It started when I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I've been on and off SSRIS (prozac, citalopram, escitalopram) since then and probably in the past 10 years had diazepam for panic attacks when getting on a plane for instance.
This time I started having really full on attacks in October last year bang on the one year anniversary of Dad dying horribly and also my old dog was on his last legs. I upped my escitalopram and got super ill and decided, with GP to wean off it as maybe the side effects were causing me more problems than the anxiety itself.
6 weeks later panics started again and GP and I discussed and I agreed to try sertraline. A week on that constant pooping and vomitting and I took myself to hospital. The referred me back to GP and we switched to citalopram. I hung in there for 3 weeks and couldn't take any more. Went from feeling quite stressed and having the odd panic to unbearable anxiety 24/7.
A while later after stopping those and I just wasn't getting better I started on Mirtazapine 30 mg. I didn't notice the same awful side effects but it improved my mood a bit and over the past few months I made some progress, not enough but some.
I've been on Diazepam (weaning off )and zopiclone for sleep also.
Two weeks ago it all came back full force and I've been in the same hell In was starting the SSRIs. It's finally eased in the past couple of days but this evening feeling rough again The fatigue is really bad, no wonder after 2 weeks of almost no sleep, so I'm having trouble separating the two.
I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and she's given me venlafaxine to have a think about. I really feel like the SSRIS 'broke' my brain though she insists it is not possible. Maybe I was on the verge of a breakdown anyway ant it would have happened with or without the SSRIs?
Anyway, she's keeping me on the half dose of diaz (I'd tapered down from 4mg to 2mg) and doesn't want me to make any sudden/drastic changes with anything. I need to stop smoking and she suggested reducing by one a day on a weekly basis so that will take some time! This idea was because I lost the plot a week after cutting down by a third. Unfortunately the smoking itself is causing me a lot of health anxiety so it's a bit of a pickle!
Buster the doc can't just stop the diazepam. people need to wean off when they've been on it for a long time, even small doses. It's good, though that the small amount seems to still help you.
I'm still managing to get the dogs to the beach each day but everything feels like an uphill battle. I did pop into the supermarket this morning and coped okay so that's an improvement on the past 2 weeks. Baby steps I guess.
---------- Post added at 17:10 ---------- Previous post was at 17:04 ----------
Sorry I haven't commented on anything else, just trying to get up to date.
BUT I can relate to the fear of diarrhoea in public as I have Crohn's disease. It's been in remission the past couple of years but for a long time I was petrified this might happen when things were bad. Thankfully it never did. I had a few close calls and have had to squat in some strange places when walking the dogs (I was very thankful one day that the local golf course where dogs are allowed around the edges has a lot of bush to hide in!)
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 06:26
Well done Sharon, you did well yesterday after all this time of sheer hell. I really don't know how you get to appointments! The very idea scares me.
I've made a friend on this website who I'm seeing next Monday as she's local. She was on Mirtazapine and was given venaflaxin and two months later she's completely well and has been for months now. Prior to that she wanted out completely. It was just the winning formula for her. She's stuck with the mirt just because it helps her sleep. But you've had so much medication! Quite irresponsible of the so called experts. You've had awful life events to deal with too. Life really can be a trial, can't it?
---------- Post added at 06:26 ---------- Previous post was at 06:18 ----------
Sorry to read about the crohns too Sharon, but so glad yore in remission. That is the worst. I remember years ago on holiday going for a long walk by myself and bring hit by ibs. I was walking through fields and things too and I could easily have gone, it lasted hours of feeling that agonising sensation. But the odd thing is I didn't 'go' and when I eventually got back to the guest house I didn't even have to go straight away! IBS is really linked to the brain isn't it.
On a positive note about anti depressants, they are supposed to be good for ibs, hurray!
Shazamataz
30-06-16, 06:57
Well done Sharon, you did well yesterday after all this time of sheer hell. I really don't know how you get to appointments! The very idea scares me.
I've made a friend on this website who I'm seeing next Monday as she's local. She was on Mirtazapine and was given venaflaxin and two months later she's completely well and has been for months now. Prior to that she wanted out completely. It was just the winning formula for her. She's stuck with the mirt just because it helps her sleep. But you've had so much medication! Quite irresponsible of the so called experts. You've had awful life events to deal with too. Life really can be a trial, can't it?
---------- Post added at 06:26 ---------- Previous post was at 06:18 ----------
Sorry to read about the crohns too Sharon, but so glad yore in remission. That is the worst. I remember years ago on holiday going for a long walk by myself and bring hit by ibs. I was walking through fields and things too and I could easily have gone, it lasted hours of feeling that agonising sensation. But the odd thing is I didn't 'go' and when I eventually got back to the guest house I didn't even have to go straight away! IBS is really linked to the brain isn't it.
On a positive note about anti depressants, they are supposed to be good for ibs, hurray!
Heya,
I had my case worker to take me to my appointment yesterday, so maybe not such a great achievement - haha. Though I was feeling okay enough when the time came probably could have managed it.
Yep the Crohn's is not a fun disease to have. I think it was about 6 years ago now I ended up in hospital, really ill, and got the diagnosis. And since then I've been very anxious about my health though the Crohn's itself is sorted for now. It's like having something nasty hanging over you all the time as it's generally a case of not if but when it rears it's ugly head again.
Because of it I am very comfortable these days talking about poop and people often share their poop ordeals with me - haha.
Great that you are meeting a friend from the forum. It's a bit hard for me being on the other side of the world from most of you. Is it by any chance Istherehope? We had a Mirt thread going for a while with a few really lovely women and I've wondered how they are doing? Say Hi from me if it is IS!
I've been thinking about your situation while making my dinner and I wonder if the Mirt actually made things worse or that happened on it's own? Its the only med I haven;t had any bad effects from other than feeling quite drugged in the mornings to start with, though it never helped me with sleep.
I'm going to pop in some 'advice' that's occurred to me, please don;t be offended! From your posts you seem to be doing a lot of avoidance and that just makes things worse (I speak from experience but of course am still battling myself). I would make the most of having a supermarket right next door and just go in there every single day. Like exposure therapy. Longer and longer each time? And eventually, probably soon, you'll have no problems going there. I do hate the thought of you running out of food (I've been close to that many times and that makes the anxiety worse, of course!)
It's so easy, especially when we are on our own to hide from things as noone is there to tell us to get on with it.'
Anyway, hoep you all have a good day. 6 pm here so it's nearly over for me.
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 07:39
Yes it is! I rang her this week and she's coming over on Monday, and yes she does sound lovely. I'll pass on your kind regards.
You're right about avoidance, there's loads of things I don't do, but I do all my food shopping, I never get Internet stuff. It's only been in the last few days I've really struggled.
I wondered too if the acid indigestion thing would have happened anyway, but I just got to the stage where I want it to go. We never know what to do do we?
I was improving through March and April but then came crashing down early May, hence starting this thread! That summer onset SAD thing doctors like to pooh but it's real for people like me. Should be over that now as I think it's only when the season changes from spring to summer (though it's been more like autumn here just lately).
Hoping you have a good night's sleep.
Having a forum member as a "real life" friend could be really beneficial for you, LittleMissAlone-proper shared support and experiences.
Meds are such a lottery, aren't they? We have such hope in them and they can come with such a poisoned chalice for some.
Buster, I do agree about the black humour and I'm sure your Dad would have a chuckle about his ashes whereabouts! I lost my Dad nearly 2 years ago in horrible circumstances with his care home for which they admitted blame after a one year battle with the safeguarding team. It's left its legacy.
I hope everyone has a decent day..whatever we do/don't do!
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 10:14
Sorry to hear that about your dad, Pulisa.
Im already having a better day than yesterday. I actually walked to and from tesco the long ways, went in because I wanted to see if it did fresh ginger, which it does! Ok I didn't stop to buy anything but the acidy thing was there even before I set off and throughout but I was able to keep on top of it!
Yesterday it was impossible to do anything until well into the afternoon. At one point I got into my car, turned the engine on and then gave up and came home, brimming with acid.
Very encouraging today, I'm sure I can pick up my prescription now.
There's no magic bullet, and we think these things can actually give us courage, which they don't. I've noticed my panic response has largely gone, but that might have gone anyway. I do know that since I've been on Mirtazapine a lot of things I had no trouble with, like walking even a mile away from the car or my flat virtually impossible. When I go out for exercise, walking and running, you'll see this weird little creature circling round and round, and that's on good days (bigger circles on good days)! My brain feels in danger after very short distances.
Still clinging onto the positives.
---------- Post added at 08:56 ---------- Previous post was at 08:48 ----------
I've read earlier today somewhere someone saying that often it's a good idea to not set goals. So today when I set out I didn't necessarily intend to go to the shop, but before I knew it I was walking in. It's an interesting one. I remember back in Feb when I last had a serious issue with agoraphobia I said to myself that I'll use the atm machine and see how I feel. Not putting pressure on me helped, and I made it into the shop.
Of course this doesn't help when we have to meet appointments, etc, but when you go through a minor case of the can't get outs it's useful.
---------- Post added at 10:14 ---------- Previous post was at 08:56 ----------
Well, I'm doing a bit of that exposure therapy this morning. After a strong cup of tea (I know) I drove to the surgery parking a v short walk away. With nervy tummy I walked to the other side of the road to it. Went back to the car and came and parked in the carpark next door to the surgery. Sat there for a few mins, but couldn't go in. The damn prescription is waiting for me, I've checked.
But instead of coming straight home I went back to my tesco here and stayed in longer than earlier today (yes, been there twice today without buying anything, loony toons or what) before coming home because I didn't feel up to buying food.
But it's only just after 10! Got all day. I'm sure I can do these things today. I can't tell you what an improvement even this is to yesterday!
Well done! Take it at your own pace but don't overthink the situation. Don't give getting this prescription too much importance?
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 11:54
Well Pulisa et al, I drove about 10 mins, got out went for a very very short walk, but still good. Went to the surgery, picked up my prescription (Yey!), and there was a QUEUE! Went to tesco and bought quite a lot, no problems, and then blow me if I didn't even go to the chemist next door to pick up the meds!
I'll have my dinner and head out again.
The sun is shining, it seems to be making all the difference. I'm still going to stick with 15mg, though now I'm wondering if the 3 weeks of 22.5mg is the reason for my success.
Will ponder it. Looked my my prescription and my review date is 28 June NEXT YEAR! They're not too concerned, are they?
Shazamataz
30-06-16, 11:59
Well Pulisa et al, I drove about 10 mins, got out went for a very very short walk, but still good. Went to the surgery, picked up my prescription (Yey!), and there was a QUEUE! Went to tesco and bought quite a lot, no problems, and then blow me if I didn't even go to the chemist next door to pick up the meds!
I'll have my dinner and head out again.
The sun is shining, it seems to be making all the difference. I'm still going to stick with 15mg, though now I'm wondering if the 3 weeks of 22.5mg is the reason for my success.
Will ponder it. Looked my my prescription and my review date is 28 June NEXT YEAR! They're not too concerned, are they?
Well done. Sometimes we can surprise ourselves!
I'm feeling very edgy this evening with a lot of physical symptoms, mostly the prickling/tingling all over feelings, so am putting off going to bed but it's getting a bit late. Just watched a programme on people (from Australia) flying to Bangkok and getting drastic plastic surgery. I could never do something like that even if I really needed to. How can people be so non-anxious?
It sure is no fun being like this. Imagine if we could go in for a quick op to have our brains fixed!
LittleMissAlone
30-06-16, 12:07
Just thinking that myself, Sharon. Before I went to the surgery on my little walk further up the road I drifted into this village shop, with ridiculously high anxiety. Really I should have stayed until it lessened, but it's so overpowering. I would never ever have thought I'd have made such a mess of things, but this has happened, so I have to get myself out of it.
Boarding a plane and having potentially dangerous plastic surgery really not my thing, in fact when I had my teeth checked a couple of months ago I didn't even hang around for the brush up, and I still had to pay for it!
That must be infuriating being all tingly like that, makes sleep very difficult. That full body scan meditation thing may help. Worth a try?
Hi all , had a pretty good today out early to walk dogs went to see an old chap I deal with he's a bit of a farther figure he lost a son my age at 14 and he's 70 which my dad would have been now so it's a two way thing but I've been avoiding going to see him since things got bad at the start of the year had a chat and a cupper , no anxiety so I carried on and went to deal with a couple of others I've been avoiding so I can actualy make some money to pay the bills carried on working until 7 which is the longest I've worked in months , now I don't want you to think I'm bragging that I've had a good day it might not last but I hope you feel that if I can do it you can , I've been in the bottom of the hole before and got out hopfully I can can do it again , glad to hear you got to the shops missy it could be the start of getting better and if you have a blip don't give up just get up and carry on its also good you've found somone to confide in I sometimes wish I could find somone who understands all this crap I wouldn't dream of telling a mate , pulisa it does get easier with time but I do still get tearful looking at old photos of my dad for all his faults he was a better dad than his dad was to him although he had a led a double life and I found out on the day of his funeral I had a brother and sister still wonder wether I should look them up , shaz I'm only taking half a diazepam a day at the moment but they don't give you repeat perscriptions for it and I'm trying to avoid going to the docs , I had the zopiclone for while it used to scare me how powerful they where I'd fall a sleep mid sen zzzzzzzzzzz , hope tomorrow is another good one , and hope you all including the silent readers have a better day than today , take care .
Morning , wore myself out yesterday yet still woke up at 1 then 3 then 5 half five now and wide away , we get all the best things in life insomnia , acid had that bad yesterday , ibs , headaches , stomach cramps , were so lucky , I'm not a morning person apparently , I find it funny the talk of running in bushes for poop it's not funny at the time I've been close to that but I get the thought of a dog running in behind you with a bag to pick it up , have a good day , shaz you're well into yours probably already been to the beach if going well I wish i were closer to the coast I find the sea calming , I don't want much in life I like the simple things listening to the birds in the woods , sitting under a shelter when it's raining and we've had plenty of that lately so I should be happy as a pig in sh?t , give me a log cabin in the woods over a Ferrari any day , let's see what today beholds .
LittleMissAlone
01-07-16, 05:44
Buster, I like that, silent readers! Never really thought about that.
Of course you're not bragging! Why would it be bragging being able to do something big and important like visit an old friend? And you said with no anxiety too, that's brilliant! I was pleased about my achievements too yesterday. I'm hoping to do more today.
Talking about the weather, as we do on this thread, I was beyond terrible on Wednesday when it was cold wet and miserable but so much better yesterday when it was sunny. Seems like I'm over that summer SAD thing, but that does come to an end at the end of June. July now, and miserable, but I'm determined to build on yesterday's success.
You should look up your brother and sister, having a big family is always good, and you might meet someone who can help you with your illness. Good luck!
Shazamataz
01-07-16, 06:20
Hope you guys have a good day today. As you know I'm a bit ahead so it's coming into evening now.
My day has not been good. I went to bed with pretty bad anxiety. Did actually sleep but woke really out of sorts.
Took the dogs to the beach which is easy at this time of year as it's cold (was 2 degrees this morning!) and nobody about. Lola isn't good with other dogs and gets a bit snappy so the less others walking the better. I had a wee panic at the far end of the beach, just a few seconds of sudden heat and dizziness but I just started walking again and it passed though still at a very high baseline level.
Came home to have a wee rest as the fatigue is really bad with the anxiety spiking. I was due to go across town to my wee cleaning job after lunch. It's only 11 km away but today it felt like another country. I managed to go to the pharmacy for my new meds (venlafaxine) and got about halfway across town to the petshop to get dog food and simply could not go any further. I'm lucky that the people are okay if I don;t make it but of course they don't pay me and money is very tight being on benefits with two large dogs to feed.
One of the most upsetting anxiety symptoms I get is this immense tension in my neck and shoulders like I'm literally going to explode and my arms and legs get really twitchy. I felt like I was going to completely lose control and didn't feel at all safe in the car. It got worse the further away I got from home. Only made it about 5 km!
So I get home and have a whole afternoon ahead of me feeling ill and miserable and so frustrated with all this and decided to do the beach again. Managed, and almost enjoyed it as it's a beautiful sunny day but the tension in my muscles is the worst it's been in months. Makes me very dizzy and feel out of control of my faculties.
Somehow I have to force myself to take the new pill in the morning and am so scared. Though a lot of people gain benefits from it.
At my wits end again. Look forward to some day posting some good news!
LittleMissAlone
01-07-16, 06:44
But it'd be so tempting to do nothing, even pass the dogs over to someone else while you go through this bad patch, but you've still the responsibility of them. So so hope up get on alright with venaflaxin, our friend Is there Hope certainly did.
That cleaning job gives me an idea, that's something I could perhaps do, earn a bit of cash. I'm not on any benefits at all, no money coming in (my parents think I do a bit to stop them from worrying, 46 and still lying to the folks). May look into it today.
Shazamataz
01-07-16, 07:04
But it'd be so tempting to do nothing, even pass the dogs over to someone else while you go through this bad patch, but you've still the responsibility of them. So so hope up get on alright with venaflaxin, our friend Is there Hope certainly did.
That cleaning job gives me an idea, that's something I could perhaps do, earn a bit of cash. I'm not on any benefits at all, no money coming in (my parents think I do a bit to stop them from worrying, 46 and still lying to the folks). May look into it today.
Believe me I've been tempted to give the dogs away at times earlier this year. In fact Zico went to stay with a friend for a few days at one point but I still had to walk Lola. Unfortunately Lola came with many complications after a rough start and she needs to be watched closely every minute when we are out. She doesn't trust many people and so I can't really even have a break as the only two friends I could give Lola too aren't able to help at the moment.
That said, if I didn't have them I'd not get out at all when things are this bad and that makes it all worse.
Yes, some cleaning for cash might be a good idea for you. I've had this wee job since I was at university. I used to look after the kids but they've all grown up now. I've only ever worked half time because of the fatigue and the way our system works if I added extra hours they cut the benefits so it's not getting me better off. A little bit of cash has always made a huge difference. Hopefully I'll be able to do it next week. I now do the grandmother's place as well and managed that yesterday so don't know why today was so hard.
Yes, Is really benfitted from venlafaxine so I'm holding onto that. Maybe it will be just what I need!
Hope your day is productive. I had a friend coming over this evening but she;s just cancelled so not looking forward to the hours ahead. Graham Norton is on later so that will be a good distraction :)
LittleMissAlone
01-07-16, 07:15
Oh, you get our Graham!
Yes, at least the dogs get you out, a bit like me and food shopping, anything that makes us seem normal.
Looked into cleaning but am a bit concerned about cleaning toilets. There won't be many jobs where you don't have to tackle those in school/office environments! We all know how people can treat these places contemptibly, one grim toilet and I can see me saying, I've got a degree! and walking the hell out.
But let's see if I can see something more appropriate. Thanks for the inspiration!
Shazamataz
01-07-16, 07:19
Oh, you get our Graham!
Yes, at least the dogs get you out, a bit like me and food shopping, anything that makes us seem normal.
Looked into cleaning but am a bit concerned about cleaning toilets. There won't be many jobs where you don't have to tackle those in school/office environments! We all know how people can treat these places contemptibly, one grim toilet and I can see me saying, I've got a degree! and walking the hell out.
But let's see if I can see something more appropriate. Thanks for the inspiration!
Haha toilets! It's a private house I clean so just one toilet. I've been doing it so long it's like a second home to me and I quite enjoy it.
I also have a degree. And a Masters actually. Didn't do me much good! In psychology no less!
Well I noded back off for an hour and you two pop up , had a dream I was eating a realy big boiled egg and soldiers , realy fancy it now , I've worked for myself since in my twenties , the last few years I sell on eBay I like doing it and you meet some realy nice people but also have to deal with some real idiots but that can be said of most jobs , still feel tired but better get out before I lose the will , fatigue is a big issue for me too my batteries run out mid afternoon when it bad I can barely move or stay awake , packing and posting today post office can be a problem on bad days but they are realy nice so on a good day it's a laugh , hopfully the latter today , take care
Shazamataz
01-07-16, 08:06
Well I noded back off for an hour and you two pop up , had a dream I was eating a realy big boiled egg and soldiers , realy fancy it now , I've worked for myself since in my twenties , the last few years I sell on eBay I like doing it and you meet some realy nice people but also have to deal with some real idiots but that can be said of most jobs , still feel tired but better get out before I lose the will , fatigue is a big issue for me too my batteries run out mid afternoon when it bad I can barely move or stay awake , packing and posting today post office can be a problem on bad days but they are realy nice so on a good day it's a laugh , hopfully the latter today , take care
Hey Buster! That's a pretty nice dream you had. Mine are never like that. The last one I remember from a couple of days ago I dreamed I shut Lola in the door and her foot came off! Was scrabbling around trying to find it so we could take her to get it put back on, found it, wrapped it up and then woke up. Amazing what our minds can conjur up!
That's great you work for yourself. I've tried going down that route with my photography (too hard to make an actual living) and trained as a massage therapist but I really needed a reliable income being on my own so just in a fairly basic job supporting people with mental illness.
And the irony is I now have a support worker myself!
I've new meds to start tomorrow which is probably why my anxiety has spiked again after improving a bit for a couple of days.
I find Saturdays hard anyway as it's busy everywhere and, as I said, Lola is a bit of a handful. Incredible dog though. Brilliantly smart and very in tune with me. I sometimes go with a friend to a beach out of town where it's quiet (I still have trouble driving on the motorway and the last 2 weeks it's been impossible). Unfortunately he's cancelled on me so not sure how I will deal with the day.
7 pm here, just thinking I need to have something to eat but feeling dreadful. Too much time alone in my own head!
LittleMissAlone
01-07-16, 08:21
Dreams are an interesting one when it comes to antidepressants. You have very vivid ones, I certainly do. I had a vivid one last night, I was the my long lost love of my life, and of course got nowhere with him.
I thought only this morning that my dreams are never bad (some people have to stop because they have terrible nightmares on them) but I notice I often have dreams with lots of people in them and I'm always absolutely fine, like I always used to be.
I think that we can have all the qualifications under the sun yet still struggle with mental health issues. Knowledge of psychology is helpful but in practice you are still at the mercy of your own brain and the thoughts generated!
I'm off to take my daughter to her ACT therapy this morning. It's a Friday morning routine now and fills the morning as it's a long drive. Anything which takes up time is helpful, isn't it?
I'm going to be doing a charity collection for the Macular Society tomorrow at our local Tesco's-my Dad had this and my son has set up a local support group for sufferers. It will be challenging but in a good cause..and I will do it!
Best wishes to you all xx
LittleMissAlone
01-07-16, 09:00
Action packed day for you Pulisa!
I agree too, ignorance is often bliss I imagine. They say doctors make the worst patients...
Well 6 o'clock and not a bad day again been a but freaked out for the last hour over my breathing the new pups shedding fur like snow and it's affecting my asthma a bit and making me itch but we'll probably only have her 10 to 14 years so not to worry , shaz crazy as this sounds but when I first got ill after anti depressants I was so messed up I thought if I told anyone the thoughts I was having they would some how catch it and I'd ruin their life's may be you dealing with people with metal illness did have an effect on you or maybe I'm talking crap and it was always there in some of us , dreams are a very weird thing for me and very rarely nice , my dad is always alive in them like it was a mistake and he wasn't dead , been resisting the diazepam today , I'm not used to physical work now so I'm acheing a lot but I'm getting stuff done and making some money , more rain this evening which I normally love but you can have to much of a good thing , missy hope you got out and about today , and pulisa it's great you do your bit for charaty all these millionaires that say they don't know what to do with the money I'd could spend all my days giving money to charities there are so many in need , take care
My Dad is always in my dreams too, Buster and always younger. I never dream of how I am now-more when I was a lot younger. Hope your breathing gets easier-asthma must be awful
Shazamataz
01-07-16, 21:47
Well 6 o'clock and not a bad day again been a but freaked out for the last hour over my breathing the new pups shedding fur like snow and it's affecting my asthma a bit and making me itch but we'll probably only have her 10 to 14 years so not to worry , shaz crazy as this sounds but when I first got ill after anti depressants I was so messed up I thought if I told anyone the thoughts I was having they would some how catch it and I'd ruin their life's may be you dealing with people with metal illness did have an effect on you or maybe I'm talking crap and it was always there in some of us , dreams are a very weird thing for me and very rarely nice , my dad is always alive in them like it was a mistake and he wasn't dead , been resisting the diazepam today , I'm not used to physical work now so I'm acheing a lot but I'm getting stuff done and making some money , more rain this evening which I normally love but you can have to much of a good thing , missy hope you got out and about today , and pulisa it's great you do your bit for charaty all these millionaires that say they don't know what to do with the money I'd could spend all my days giving money to charities there are so many in need , take care
Hey buster, I have joked to myself that all that time with people who are quite unwell and I 'caught it'! I was very stressed at work leading up to my losing the plot but it was more about the management of the organization than the clients themselves. I've become one of them now but obviously getting support from elsewhere as that would be very uncomfortable!
I slept okay last night (can't remember any dreams) and working up to starting new meds today. Will take dogs out first in case it makes me feel worse. Maybe I'm bad enough I won't notice any difference.
Current;y -3 degrees. Our first proper winter morning as the weather has been unseasonably warm.
I was allergic when Zico first moved in but adjusted fairly quickly.
Good luck with the new meds , bed time here now graham Norton on tv I'm not a fan but he has the best guests , it's the middle of summer and we've had about 5 weeks of rain but at least it's warm rain you realy do get all of the seasons in one day , pups growing on me she's trying it on a bit but then I've got an 18 month old grand son and he trying it on as well , I think when the pups fur gets a bit thicker I'll be ok right now it's soft and airborne and she can't sit still , anyway everyone including the dogs is asleep so I'll give it a go , see what food I dream about tonight you don't put on weight dreaming about food do you , doc says I need to lose some , high blood pressure , I took that advice with a pinch of salt .
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 05:24
Buster, you keep us entertained! So funny, and I can tell you have a very kind heart, you must have to listen to my drivelling the last few weeks. Yes I did have a good day thank you. I pushed myself to go out for a few hours walking, making myself go certain distances away, before returning to my car, still not far. I managed to get myself to a carpark with a load of supermarkets to buy myself a nice ready meal with red meat as a treat, and wally here forgot my money! Had to come back to my tesco here, for the second time in the day.
You and Pulisa have so much in common with your dads with dreams and stuff. My parents are in their early 70s and in very good health, I was going to say having fuller lives than mine but they can hardly be less so. I don't see them as much as I should, they are about an hour away and they are worried about me, but I give the impression to them that I'm better than I am. They aren't afflicted by anxiety, but they know it's all around us out there and getting worse.
Sharon, I bet your job may have contributed to how you are now. Anything that is unpredictable is stressful. For the whole of last decade almost I worked as a teacher, not full time (apart from the first year) and working with kids that need a good slap is enough to make anyone spiral. But this latest illness has been caused by a whole series of things, nothing bad, though my work was office based. I wonder if the teaching (mainly as a supply teacher/crowd controller) has had a lasting effect on me. Before I did my training at 29 I was still anxious but I didn't let it stop me.
Who knows? Anyway, no dreams at all last night, which is unusual. Hoping to push myself again this weekend.
Shazamataz
02-07-16, 06:28
You did well getting out so keep at it!
Evening here again. I slept reasonably last night so started the day okay. Did the beach with a friend then did a practice run driving across town. Got halfway again and came back but didn't feel as bad yesterday so that's something. I stopped at the local bakery to get lunch on the way back and it was so busy! I managed though to queue up and get something but then felt dreadful the rest of the way home.
Then I built up the courage to take my first venlafaxine. Of course I was waiting and ready as soon as I swallowed it that I would feel side effects! However, by some sort of magic I actually fell asleep on the sofa (sleeping is difficult for me and successful napping is almost unheard of these past months). I think I was out for about an hour and a half.
Then the dogs and I went back to the other beach nearby as I have a rule I need to leave the house twice a day when I'm really bad (and can;t face anywhere else). Almost panicked in the car. Feel so dreadful and exhausted but the beach was okay. Had a little whoopsie in the carpark though and reversed (gently) into a pole of the really low fence you can;t see out the back window -ooops! Only a wee mark in the car but knocked the pole right over! Lucky nobody was there to see it.
Scrabble with my brother this evening. That's about as exciting as my life gets these days. But it's nice to have company on a Saturday evening.
I do think my job had contributed to what's happened but can;t blame it entirely. Plenty of other life events and health issues all built up I think.
I had a dream when I napped this afternoon that I was at the dentist and the assistant was standing over me with tears in her eyes and said 'I'm sorry, Sharon. It's not your teeth, it's your brain.' How about that for reflecting what state I'm in!
Hope you guys manage some sort of a nice weekend and not too much rain!
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 06:48
You've done such a lot Sharon, well done in all that adversity. Falling asleep too! So far so good with the venaflaxine. So annoying about the prang. I did that a few years ago in a carpark, I reversed into a space with these very low concrete posts there, been there since the 60s probably. Caught one and grazed my car badly, bleeding post alright though.
The sun is out, still before 7am. We tend to think New Zealand is like Australia, hot all year round, but actually you have weather similar to ours, don't you? You said -3C, well that's very cold weather for us here in England.
---------- Post added at 06:48 ---------- Previous post was at 06:43 ----------
Plus your dream, hilarious! I don't have dreams like that, the worse I get is when I've done something embarrassing I'm ashamed of. Don't know what that says about me! But the other night I had a very vivid dream and I was using a microwave oven but I was sort of holding it as if to stop it from falling, very dangerous. So I'm being very naughty in my dreams, when of course I never go anything wrong in real life....
Shazamataz
02-07-16, 06:51
You've done such a lot Sharon, well done in all that adversity. Falling asleep too! So far so good with the venaflaxine. So annoying about the prang. I did that a few years ago in a carpark, I reversed into a space with these very low concrete posts there, been there since the 60s probably. Caught one and grazed my car badly, bleeding post alright though.
The sun is out, still before 7am. We tend to think New Zealand is like Australia, hot all year round, but actually you have weather similar to ours, don't you? You said -3C, well that's very cold weather for us here in England.
Yes, in this part of NZ our weather is probably more similar to yours. We've had a really strange Autumn/winter so far. Far warmer than usual and dry as well. Where I am we usually get snow maybe three times a year and it often doesn't get right down to the flat, just on the hills. Our city was built inside a dormant volcano! So it's flat with hills all around.
We've only had about 3 frosts so far and no snow. Today is the coldest we've had (and it doesn't often go below zero) but was frosty and a stunning day with no wind.
The car seems okay thank goodness as I am not in a place to deal with getting it fixed right now. It's an old car so i'm not precious about it. It's always filthy because of the dogs so no point in having anything fancy.
Feeling a bit hot and bothered at the moment and wonder if it's the meds. At least it's not summer here as over Xmas when I was really bad the heat just made everything worse.
What are your plans for the day?
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 08:13
Well, gearing up to getting to another supermarket. I'm an early bird but my anxiety is bad then, by bad I mean I'm far far less likely to leave my safe place here.
I was quoted about £100 to have the car fixed but good old mum made me realise, what's the point? I could do it again or somebody else might (that was 4 years ago and nothing, touch wood), but there's a ruddy great dent down one side too. I'm with you, as long as it goes alright, and let's face it with my work record I can't afford to be precious.
We always go on about white Christmases here, but they are very rare. Christmases are always very dark though which I hate. Our summers are notoriously disappointing, but again, anything over 24c is too much for me, not just for anxiety reasons.
Really hoping you have a good nights sleep.
---------- Post added at 08:13 ---------- Previous post was at 07:18 ----------
Just tried heading out but hit by awful tummy and panic. I had cereal last night and again this morning, I'm beginning to think it's the milk, and I'm in denial. But so debilitating!
Hi, morning again , woke up at 5 from a horrible dream about my dad probably brought on by talking about him yesterday it's made me feel very nervy and sickly but the day is young so I won't write it off yet , I think we've all hit a low post at some point they should have idiot flags on top , I actualy hit the same post twice last year just broke my number plate I was so annoyed the second time I nearly threw my keys at it like it was the posts fault , their are days when my concentration is so bad I shouldn't be driving I've had three accidents in four years none serious but I'm lucky I have protected no claims , you say you were in teaching the teachers at my granddaughters school are unbelievably nice hugging kids in the morning laughing and smiling , my teachers in the 70s 80s where horrible had at least three hit me to the floor , I was no angel so I guess somtimes I deserved it , they were differnt times teachers and police would give you a slap if you were cheeky and we did have more respect for most of them , stomach is gurgling so I better put somthing in it to shut it up , have a good weekend .
I'm gearing up for 2 hours plus charity collection at my local (huge!) Tesco superstore! My daughter is at her voluntary job this morning so I am supporting my son who has arranged the collection. Sensory overload guaranteed and acid/IBS bad but I'll do it fine.
Good luck everyone else!
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 08:34
Oh Pulisa
I'm realising that I'm worse in the mornings after cereal with milk. Also yesterday I ate more wholemeal bread than I should have. You've said you've cut those things out and it didn't make any difference, but is there anything you recommend? I've been laid low again.
Hi LMA
I often think my brain has deliberately made my body developer IBSd just to aide my agoraphobia!
I can and do attempt getting out and about so much more when my guts are 'normal'
But just one twinge in my stomach/bowels is enough to start the 'what iffs'. And keep me imprisoned in my house 'just incase.
I also researched 'food intolerances'. To do with my gut issues. And decided in was milk. I was never medically tested but have gradually removed dinking milk from my diet. Milk is in a LOT of food stuffs, and ice cream etc, which I eat in abundance and don't have side effects.!
So once again, logically, it must 'just' be anxiety.
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 08:37
Buster, No respect for teachers these days, but I have to say teachers are fools if they hug their pupils. Next thing, false allegations. But you had a bad time of it even then, by the sound of it. There was still the cane in our day, but I think it was boys who got it. Sexist, or what?
Pulisa. Go you! That's a very positive attitude ..and you will be fine..we always are!
Wouldn't it be so simple if we would all believe that ..ALL if the time!
Anyway, enjoy the day and I hope you collect lots of money x
I agree completely with Dally. It's in the mind.
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 08:45
I'm sure you're right dally. That's why these illnesses are such a *******, sorry, that's the word I've gone with. My stomach was all gassy coming back, very real, but within a minute or so I was eating rubbish!
However, if I can be sensible it makes sense to avoid certain foods. I think with me the last couple of nights I've gone to bed with food in my stomach (not meat) and I reckon that's enough to set me off too the next day after 2 nights if that.
All I know is by far the biggest symptom I have with ibs is anxiety, and just recently I've allowed myself to be agoraphobic too. It's about adjusting my lifestyle and I reckon I'll improve.
Thanks Dally. Staying in has never been an option for me due to looking after my daughter so its needs must. I have to go out so it's easier for me.
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 08:52
So glad you're comfortable out Pulisa. How are you with eating and general socialising?
Shazamataz
02-07-16, 11:11
I worry at the moment that even though I HAVE to go out at least once a day to exercise the dogs I may just not be able to do it as I've developed quite bad driving anxiety and have patches of being very wobbly on my feet so I guess I have walking anxiety as well!
Definitely feeling worse this evening after taking the venlafaxine today. Very woozy and swaying and trembling. Hope it passes soon!
Watching Britain's got Talent now, I wish I found it more enjoyable. I used to really like the Idol shows but they've gotten a bit old now.
Pulisa if you feel anything like as bad as I do you are a true hero for managing to get out and about and do what you do!
LittleMissAlone
02-07-16, 11:49
It sucks doesn't it? I'm struggling today after a couple of good days.
But, you are what you eat, and I think my tummy is gassy (when trying to get out, I'm fine at home) because I've troughed a bag of those oat and raisin cookies. 3 last night and 2 this morning. I have to get a grip on my diet, I can't afford these knock backs.
Sharon, sorry things are so difficult right now. You have to overcome these new anxiety points for you. Might jumping on the spot help with the wobbliness? It might stimulate endorphins and make you feel more in control.
I managed to get through it but my stomach is playing up now. I'm certainly no hero. I collect my daughter shortly so will try and sort myself out.
Hi , well woke up feeling pretty grim got out and tried to get some bits done but my breathing was a bit weird bit weezy and tight chest it's hard to tell when it's asthma or anxiety trouble is both can take you to a&e but one can kill you the other just makes you look stupid I've been in with both , so carried on and for some reason the clouds lifted about midday so went out of town to the shops felt so good went to pub for a pint and some food didn't even get freaked out at the bar , can't much drink anymore it makes my anxiety go through the roof butt one pint was nice , had my daughters and grand kids round and had a good laugh , if all days were like this I'd be content with that , from the very dark place I was in when I joined this site earlier this year where I couldn't see any hope it's a big improvement but part of me is waiting for the bubble to burst , hope you lot can take some reassurance that things can get better , pulisa hope you got on ok collecting it's a very good thing you do and I doubt I could stand there and do it , shaz driving long distance can be a problem for me and I do drive quite a lot on a bad day I get intrusive thoughts while driving and derealisation like I'm sat in the back seat just watching somone else drive I also get thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic or bridges I don't actualy want to do it but the thoughts pop in and scare the hell out of me , some foods will definitely upset your stomach and bowel but most of the time it's anxiety , onions , tomatoes , wine will all give you acid but I've cut things out when I'm bad and gone back to them when I'm feeling better we just search for anything to blame anxiety if very cruel and unforgiving on our bodies , take care .
---------- Post added at 22:06 ---------- Previous post was at 21:29 ----------
All quiet now kids gone , so I'm out in the garden under my gazebo it's chucking it down but I'm dry and comfy , it's getting dark so I've lit some candles cant believe its summer , all alone just me and the rain bliss think I'll nod off out here for bit , if I had money I'd be eccentric but I haven't so I just look barmy , wasn't a bad day though .
LittleMissAlone
03-07-16, 05:37
It was a good day, Buster, apart from the asthma/panic dilemma. You do have to take asthma seriously, and of course it interferes with what's going on in your head.
The only intrusive thought I have (and fortunately it's rare now, in fact oh I think it's gone) is throwing myself out the window. I live 7 floors up so it'd do some damage. But for a few months last year, one of the reasons I had this little breakdown, is I worked in pathology in a hospital and had to summarise the circumstances of why people would die suddenly, so a lot of accidents, overdoses and loads of suicides. Such a bloody stupid thing for me to do, but it was interesting and I felt valued. Only did it part time for about 4 months but it was very heavy. Loads of hangings, always shocking especially the women, and one case I had where someone, another woman, decided to jump, and that was into a motorway, luckily no accidents caused. But I realised even before I was ill and was put on meds I had intrusive thoughts about jumping, do I've had to rationalise that that wouldn't have occurred to me if I hadn't done that pathology job (lived here over 20 years and first time with those thoughts). I read on here months ago someone was terrified he was going to drink a bottle of bleach, he knew he wouldn't but he had the intrusive thoughts.
Hope all that isn't triggering.
Yesterday I had a tough morning but then after lunch I amazed myself by going shopping in one if those giant supermarkets. I wasn't sure I was even going to go in, but I was fine. The anticipation was by far the worst thing.
Hoping everyone has a good Sunday.
Hi , I could work anywhere like that pathology but I know somone has to like funeral directors , mental health gets over looked in this country and yet it's the biggest killer especially in men , I've known so many go that way even my doctor , after my daughter attempted suicide my freinds daughter hung herself at 14 I felt enormous guilt that ours survived and his didn't we also lost our grandsons uncle the day after he was born so the other grandma gained a grandson and lost a son in two days it was so cruel , mental health needs to be looked at so much more than it is at the moment , I get those intrusive thoughts in a lot of situations , all a bit depressing and seeing Caroline ahearne has gone made me shed a tear she was such a talented writer and actor I was only watching royal family on Friday , life is so fragile we should be out enjoying it , take care
i think we can all get these intrusive thoughts when life is particularly tough. Mental health will always be the "poor relation" unless you have money and can access private care but this is often hit and miss and a lot of psychiatrists just throw drugs at you and hope that something will work..
Buster, I'm glad you had some moments of enjoyment yesterday-it's so good when the fun comes back, even briefly. LittleMissAlone, you are doing really well with your shopping trips-take it slowly but surely and don't take on too much all at once?
Hope you are OK, Sharon?
LittleMissAlone
03-07-16, 08:33
So sad about Caroline Ahearne.
Yes, suicide is a really big problem, one thing I worked out is that if people want to do it they'll find a way. I had so many horrific images in my mind, very often the worst would be when parents would come in finding their child of whatever age being dead. I don't know anyone personally who's died in this way, I probably wouldn't have been able to do the job at all if I had. But you had cot deaths, children dying of natural causes. The oldest I had was a woman dying in a care home a few months short of 100. And you don't want to have a post mortem....
Ooh depressing! You're right, we need to grab each day and be grateful! You're doing do well Buster, it'll keep on going!
Shazamataz
03-07-16, 08:37
Hope you are OK, Sharon?
Thanks Pulisa, I'm doing okay today, just about to have tea so will update later.
Thanks for checking in :)
LittleMissAlone
03-07-16, 08:38
Morning Pulisa
No, I don't do too much at all. I've gone with this thought that I'll do what I can but don't put pressure on myself. It's amazing how much I can do that way. I don't think I can do anything! How are you?
I'm Ok thanks. Had a difficult day yesterday but today will be better!
Hi , that last message should have read couldn't do that job my phone charges words for me somtimes it's embarrassing agreeing to things I don't want to do , bubbles burst a bit today partners been having chest pain for two days and I'm thinking the worst again but after several heart attacks and regular pneumonia I've got pretty good reason , but as my therapist said its not going to change the outcome , she can just about cope with my craziness but I can't cope with her illness ill end up driving her insane , feeling anxous and depressed at the same time what a difference a day makes , if this cbt can't help me cope better with problems I'm realy up the creak , good to know you are still about shaz I could do with some of that sea air you get when I get down the coast my problems seems a lot smaller right off in the distance , having one of those fight or flight days realy want to run , if I'm down maybe one of you can be up like a seesaw , take care .
Buster, don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed by your partner's symptoms and illness? She's in control of it and you will be to if you allow yourself to trust your partner's judgement of the situation? It must be very worrying to see her suffer but she may feel more comfortable if you acknowledge that she's ill but just focus on the present and don't allow yourself to think the worst? Easier said than done, I know...
Hi , thanks for that pulisa we've been through it so many times but I doesn't get any easier , she doesn't worry until it gets real bad but I worry more than enough for both of us , you must know all to well what it's like to worry for your self and your daughter , I didn't used to be like this it's somthing I've developed over the years , I need a reset switch like my computer turn my brain off and on again , shouldn't bother other people with my problems but it somtimes helps just to write it down somwhere , thanks , take care
I completely understand that you must be feeling terrified, Buster and I think you should write it all down on here if it helps to just get it out? Watching someone suffer is often worse than being the sufferer especially when that person is used to having the symptoms and can be laid back about it..
[/COLOR]All quiet now kids gone , so I'm out in the garden under my gazebo it's chucking it down but I'm dry and comfy , it's getting dark so I've lit some candles cant believe its summer , all alone just me and the rain bliss think I'll nod off out here for bit , if I had money I'd be eccentric but I haven't so I just look barmy , wasn't a bad day though .[/QUOTE]
Buster. I actually laughed out loud at this!! Love to sit outside in the rain! There's something so gentle about the sound of it falling (providing, of course it isn't blowing a gale at the time too)
I love the idea of being eccentric! But I'll probably just be 'barmy' like you too..and get carted away to the funny farm. I often think eccentric people must have a fantastic mind space cos they don't seem to care or worry about their actions or thoughts.
LittleMissAlone
04-07-16, 07:08
I'd rather be eccentric than sheep following the crowd! Totally the way forward.
Really hoping everyone is in for a good day.
I'm seeing Istherehope today, if anyone has come across her. She's not been on here for a while because she's a success story! Yes, it is possible to be on the right meds and recover! She was very bad in December apparently but fine by March.
Shazamataz
04-07-16, 07:26
I'd rather be eccentric than sheep following the crowd! Totally the way forward.
Really hoping everyone is in for a good day.
I'm seeing Istherehope today, if anyone has come across her. She's not been on here for a while because she's a success story! Yes, it is possible to be on the right meds and recover! She was very bad in December apparently but fine by March.
Hiya, just popping in and was thinking earlier you will be seeing Is today. Do say 'Hi' from me. She was very supportive earlier in the year and it's great she's doing so well.
I've been up and down the past couple of days but the good news is that so far 3 days into venlafaxine I haven't had any side effects! The state I was in on sertraline and then citalopram was just awful. Right from day one of each so this is a bit of a relief.
You guys will all be starting Monday now. Is it STILL raining? haha
I also enjoy the sound of rain. In fact I like being out in the rain, it's the wind that does me in.
We had 17 degrees today. Utter madness, it's supposed to be the middle of winter!
I've done a couple of practice drives and still only made it half way across town but will keep at it. What else is there to do?
I've just downloaded At Last A Life by Paul David onto my tablet. Heaps of people on here have recommended it so I will give it a go.
Hope you all have a good monday.
LittleMissAlone
04-07-16, 07:33
Hi Sharon
Certainly will say hi, and so pleased venaflaxine being such a hit with you, as it was for her, very encouraging since other meds have floored you from the start. I'll see if she'll check in for extra moral support.
Rainwatch: yesterday heavy black clouds mid day but no rain, and then fierce sunshine! Today bright sunshine, fluffy white clouds.
:shades:
Hi , been up most of the night worrying over wether I should have got an ambulance out , partner refused point blank not wanting to go into hospital in the middle of the night couldn't go to sleep the way she was , feels like hopeless situation I was feeling pretty good now the rugs been pulled out again and I've got that horrible depressed what's the point feeling , feel realy selfish and crappy about myself , sunny here but I don't think even the rain would feel good this morning , still got to go out though granddaughter needs taking to school try and put on the happy face for bit , diazepam and wheetabix for breakfast , could do with a long long break , hope you lot have a good day .
Buster, your partner is in control of her health and knows when she needs to go into hospital. All you can do is look after her and monitor her but not obsessively. The surgery will be open today so she will have access to her GP if she needs it. I know how hard this must be for you.
Sharon, I'm glad you have had an uneventful start to venlafaxine-this could be the med for you and I do hope so. It's all a waiting game which is so frustrating when you're in the thick of it..
LittleMissAlone, I hope you really enjoy your day and have a great meet-up with "Is"-I'm really pleased that she is so much better and being around a "success story" could give you a real lift.
LittleMissAlone
04-07-16, 08:38
Hey Buster
I echo Pulisa, your partner knows what's right for her right now. You've been doing so well yourself please just try to build on that. But we're here if you need to vent a little.
Hi there , school run done , dogs walked , tired but stuff to do , you are right about her but she's the most stubourn person in the world and that's not just me her consultant and many doctors have said the same she discharges herself after operations and takes no notice of anyone , when she's well she's fantastic to be around but she cares about everybody but her self and it's caused us so many problems when she's helps people who then crap all over you ,
Hate being the doom and gloom merchant so I'll end with something more positive , had a message yesterday from a lady in American from another anxiety site I used to go on , it was just to say she had got a job she loves and is doing realy well to busy to even go on the site , it was heart warming to hear a success story , that could be one of you soon somtimes people dissapear from here for a good reason , I stopped using that site because I was doing better and joined this one when things went pearshaped again , take care and thanks for the advice I know you are right it's just convincing that devil on my other shoulder
It's easy for us to give advice, Buster, but far harder for you as you have to deal with the anxiety...
I think it's a very positive thing to move on from these sites when you feel stronger and better. NMP and other anxiety sites serve a purpose but a lot of threads are extremely negative and reassurance is not the answer. It's good to be able to have a thread which is helpful and supportive to people going through challenging times.
Hi the first time I found one of these sites I had just had a realy bad reaction to citalapram I was in a real mess and thought I'd actualy gone mad , reading posts from other people in similar situations was like a eureka moment I wasn't the only one like this and have thoughts like this it helped so much , I'm not an expert on mental health and I don't have the answers some are looking for but I try to answer a few posts and let people know I've felt the same and have got through it at times , I think most people who end up like this for what ever reason feel like nobody else can possibly feel this bad , I feel bad today but I've felt a lot worse and some poor souls ready on here today will be in that position I was , I'll get through this what else can you do .
---------- Post added at 12:45 ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 ----------
Dally you like the rain like me , when my kids were young we used to go out for a drive if it was raining at night , open all the windows and sunroof and drive down a country lane kids standing up through the sunroof , they use to come back in soaked laughing their heads off , wet kids wet car didn't care great fun:, take care .
LittleMissAlone
04-07-16, 15:20
Hi guys
Sharon, Is There Hope a complete Joy, I think she'll touch base with you, I've told her you're now on venaflaxine and doing well.
Buster, hoping things alright with your partner. We all understand having bad reactions to meds and just feeling bleugh.
I find it helps when I'm rough to put stuff down, try to make sense of it.
Shazamataz
04-07-16, 22:20
So glad you met her and I knew she's be lovely. I'd be happy to hear from her.
I had a tough day yesterday but still managed to get out and about. Beach walk in the morning (I'm okay with that now, even when feeling rough). Then did another practice drive across town. Only went halfway and the shoulder tension muscle spasms really wanted to come in and take over so I didn't quite win that one. Had my support worker visit and then went back to the beach as was feeling really bad late afternoon and just needed to get out.
On the way home I decided to go to the DVD store and get a movie out. I've never really enjoyed going in there, feel overwhelmed and hard to choose but I DID IT!
Last night I watched 'Room' based on an incredible book. It was brilliant. But interestingly because it's about a kidnapped woman who is kept in a man's shed for 7 years, Room, and has a little boy I started off quite anxious about the trapped feeling but got through it. I'd recommend it, the wee boy was a brilliant wee actor.
Hope everyone's monday was okay. Tuesday morning here. I;ve woken feeling better than yesterday, despite a very up and down sleep, so that's a start. No set plans yet other than the beach with dogs. Still don;t feel ready to conquer anything further away.
LittleMissAlone
05-07-16, 04:37
Hi Sharon
You're doing so well. Like me you live alone and so all these little jobs we have to do ourselves. I noticed that if we had someone to get the groceries we probably wouldn't even notice the encroaching agoraphobia until such a time that we had no choice. For example last week I made a mountain out of collecting the prescription, but I still did it a felt good because that was an achievement.
Carry on doing these things, and it really seems positive that venaflaxine will suit you and you're on the road to recovery.
I think it's a sign of progress that you can actually watch a DVD all the way through, Sharon. I've read "Room" and thought it was an incredible book-haven't seen the film but I'm sure it will have received great reviews.
Just keep on doing as you are doing-it's all progress and you are having to contend with a new med too.
Anything you can both do to challenge the agoraphobia fears will benefit you- it doesn't matter how "small" you think the achievement is.
Buster, I hope you had a better night and that your partner's illness is less acute? Is your granddaughter at home today due to the teachers' strike?
LittleMissAlone
05-07-16, 08:40
I'm completely out of date (issues with attending the cinema) but I loved As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicolson. His character had severe OCD anxiety issues and there was a lot of humour involved with his condition, though it never poked fun at the actual suffering.
I remember he had a routine he had with his front door, many bolts, and by the end of the film he had accidentally left it open overnight and he laughed because he realised he was recovering from his illness. I couldn't really understand it when it came out, about 1998, plus my thing isn't OCD, but I definitely recognise the anxiety side if it now, the sheer terror of it.
He met the Helen Hunt character and she helped him to get better. Happy ever after!
Hoping we all have a good day.
Shazamataz
05-07-16, 21:43
I think it's a sign of progress that you can actually watch a DVD all the way through, Sharon. I've read "Room" and thought it was an incredible book-haven't seen the film but I'm sure it will have received great reviews.
Just keep on doing as you are doing-it's all progress and you are having to contend with a new med too.
Anything you can both do to challenge the agoraphobia fears will benefit you- it doesn't matter how "small" you think the achievement is.
Thanks Pulisa and Hi everyone else!
Yesterday I caved into the pressure and I rented Game of Thrones season 1. It's not my normal type of viewing but watched three episodes last night and it's quite gripping!
After a pretty good day I had a terrible evening. Was completely exhausted and after dinned had a few heart flutters I haven't had in ages and the anxiety got a hold of that and had me in quite a state. I just glued myself to the TV as a distraction til it calmed down but took about 2 hours.
I actually had to go to bed at 10 (I never do that) and was straight asleep without my meds. Up at 6 this morning though and feeling very anxious again. Have to remind myself this is a process and doesn't always go ina straight line!
I did pretty well yesterday. Dogs to beach again and this is much easier than a week ago, feel pretty relaxed there. Later went for a drive across town again and was ok, went to DVD store and to The Warehouse (similar to Walmart in the US, not sure what your equivalent is in the UK?). I never found it easy in there but determined to do it as it's a good place for cheap books and CDs. As soon as I got in felt dreadful but determined to stick it out. Things eased a bit and I stayed 25 minutes which is a good effort I think.
I've been reading that book At Last a Life and finding it good but the idea of just doing everything regardless of how you feel is a bit challenging. I definitely have been doing some of that but certain things are still too hard, like long drives.
My fatigue is really bad right now which doesn't help.
Do any of you get tension/burning in your neck/shoulders to the point of distraction. Mine has been so out of control these past few days and it makes me dizzy and feel like I'm literally going to explode.
Wednesday now, hope you all had a good Tuesday.
Hi , all been a hard couple of days realy beat myself up about panicking again when things get tough and I actualy feel like someone beat me up , the anxiety has made ache and the tension in my chest , back and stomach hurt like hell how can anxiety do this ? Partner got over not being well quicker than I did she will never be 100% but she just gets on with it ,
Missy glad you've found a friend realy hope you can help each other , big fan of jack Nicholson as good as it gets was a heart warming funny film , going way back , one flew over cukoos nest , classic and still a good film and the bucket list another good one , I like films where totally opposite characters are pushed together by fate , pulisa granddaughter didn't get the day off but she loves school and she's bright as a button she reads to me when we get there to early and I read back but make bits up to make her laugh she's five and has spent a lot of time with me so she has a sense of humour like mine I'm a real bad influence on her apparently , shaz morning to you hope you day goes ok and the new meds are settling things down , end of another day here , wish the beach was closer for me , I'm with you on that tension in the back and chest it wares me out tensing up all the time , take care all.
---------- Post added at 22:00 ---------- Previous post was at 21:56 ----------
Had to laugh at your post you were posting the same time as me and both feeling tensed up , you've got up to it and I'm going to bed like it , we are so lucky
Shazamataz
05-07-16, 22:39
Yes we must have posted at the same time!
I'm working my way up to going out. Really battling this morning but getting moving does seem to help. Sometimes, though, you just want to give in to it. I'm shattered despite getting nearly 8 hours sleep!
The dogs know the routine so they are fidgeting about wondering why I'm not dressed yet. As soon as I go to get dressed they get all excited as they know it means an outing!
I shall consider last night and this morning a 'blip' and jute get on with it as best I can.
Funny we get tension but in different places. Would be nice to witch for a bit, just for some variety. You can have my neck/shoulders and I'll take your back and chest - haha
Glad your partner is doing better. Your granddaugter sounds like a hard case. My oldest nephews are almost grown up now (19 and 17) and they don't live in the same city as me but they used to visit a lot when they were little, and I'd visit there (Auckland) and I so enjoyed spending time with them when they were small. I was told I was a bad influence on them as well!
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 05:18
Hi everyone
Does anyone else get really annoyed when you tell a friend about your ups and downs, trips to the doctor and meds and stuff and they start tslking to you if as if THEY'RE the expert and your the silly child being naughty? Mostly it doesn't happen, but I've got two friends, sisters, who have both given me they're six pennorth, but just so insensitively. It's such a touchy subject that unless you've had personal experience you can't possibly know how horrible it is. Those two friends I've decided I'm not going to tell them anything in future. Oh and guess what their health, both physical and mental, ain't great either. Arguably I'm in better shape than both of them, the difference is I've had to stop and ask for help.
Buster and Sharon, you're both doing well by the sounds of it. Having tension in the body is the actual main source of all of it isn't it? My tension is always in the stomach. So real. But when I go for a walk I can go further away if I break the walk down, and I can go much further the more times I try. But when I go a certain short distance my head and stomach tell me I can't go further or I'll hurl, and then I'll get a charming image of it. I'm trying though every day.
Sharon, if you haven't heard from Joy yet I'm sure she'll get round to it. I sent her a FB message yesterday and she's not responded, so she's probably just busy.
Hoping everyone has a good day!
---------- Post added at 05:18 ---------- Previous post was at 04:55 ----------
Just looked up about At Last A Life and I'm going to look into it, amazing reviews. Have you found it useful, Sharon?
Shazamataz
06-07-16, 07:12
Other people definitely have trouble understanding. I had a friend come visit earlier in the year and give me a lecture on doing more fun stuff at a time where I couldn't even leave the house. This is someone who is over 40, still lives at home and hasn't worked for years other than a failed attempt at 20 hours a week late last year, she lasted 2 months. She has health issues but refuses to see that they are largely anxiety based. I haven't seen her again since that day.
I've read about half the book and it's an easy read. I'm struggling with the approach, though. Basically he says the only way to get better is to stop trying to get better. Just carry on as normal doing what you want/need to do and let the anxiety do it's thing but pay it no attention. I tried that today and have had full on anxiety and several attacks :(
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 07:28
I must say I'm always trying to bloody ignore it, but it's so sneaky it just gets me anyway! It makes sense to us though. Also, I think if you're tweaking your meds (which I am slightly, plus I'm hormonal) you're going to feel worse. But he said something like you can't cure a sick brain with a sick brain. It just feels do real, the nausea, if I ignore it I start burping, terrifying. But as I remind myself there's no actual pain, or reflux.
One of these sisters I've mentioned has had anxiety, admittedly, but she is still a workaholic (cleaning and ironing) I reckon is OCD and has adhd, and she told me, literally, that I need a psychiatrist! The other one just walks around with blinkers on, that's how she copes with what is a very difficult time in her life, much worse than mine, albeit she doesn't show it on the outside.
They call it transference, when someone says something about you which they really mean themselves.
As an anxiety sufferer I can tell you to take your time adjusting to your new pills!
Shazamataz
06-07-16, 07:38
Yes people transfer or also project their own stuff all the time.
I've just looked and it's 22 days since I lost the plot again (was checking to see when period is due). It feels like forever!
Today has been particularly rough but no worse than before I started the new meds, so I can't really blame that.
I DID drive across town to do my wee cleaning job today! I nearly didn't as anxiety levels were really high but decided to follow the advice from the book. The drive over was okay (ish) but halfway through the cleaning had a panic attack and then had 3 on the way home but just kept driving through it. Not sure if I've done more harm than good as I've ended up having another really bad driving experience which just reinforces the anxiety.
Came home and been doing my own housework to try and burn some of this adrenaline off but it hasn't worked. I'm already worried about tomorrow, and the next day and so on. I don't know how to stop it.
I guess just keep at it and do the best we can eh?
What are your plans for the day LMA?
Hi , nobody could possibly know how bad this feels unless they have been through it , the overwelming derepresion , fatigue that drains every ounce of energy from your mind and body , physical pain , feeling absolutely terrified as if you are on a cliff about to be pushed off , try and get that across to a rational person and the advice they give can be unbelievable , here's some gems I've had from docs and the crisis team when they came out to me few years ago , doc said I should have plenty of sex it releases endorfins , crisis team I should go to a place were they hug trees , crisis team " you're not anxous now are you " while I was having a break down , nurse practitioner two months ago , " take propanolol don't look up the side affects even paracetamol have side effects , I look it up it's a beta blocker which you can't take if you have asthma she's the second one to prescribe betas , one thing this has done is make me more compassionate towards other people with any illness , school run this morning it's some times a bit hard in the playground with hundreds of kids and parents all talking and shouting at once but it needs doing and I don't want to let her down , take care
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 07:55
I thought I might try and walk up to the general hospital today (10 mins walking quick up very steep) where I can catch the hopper, a free bus, not been on it since sept, major mental block). Just walking up will be an achievement at the moment. But I remember we had some lovely weather one Friday afternoon in April and I walked up without any problems, but as we know things have got worse since on the mental block front.
This book apparently tells you you've got to ignore the symptoms, but that's what I do anyway!
I should look more seriously too about part time work, and I'll look at this Paul David's website too.
Well done with the job, you're doing do well.
My view is that it doesn't matter about having physical symptoms when you are out and you do just have to give them less priority (acknowledge them but don't let them take over). Trying to ignore them just ramps up adrenaline as you are desperately trying to shut the symptoms out of your mind and the "desperate" bit will win every time.
Of course I can't do this most of the time but I do have to go out and carry on as normal because there is no other option and this is a big driving force for me so I'm lucky.
---------- Post added at 08:33 ---------- Previous post was at 08:29 ----------
I also should admit that I've had an untreated eating disorder for 40 years and a lot of my anxiety focusses around food so I can work through other anxiety symptoms with less difficulty.
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 09:39
Just seen the avatar thing, so decided to go all blossomy. I took this photo in the spring and edited it and I rather like it.
Oh gosh, Pulisa, eating disorders are really difficult to negotiate (I'm guessing you under eat, but over eating awful too). I thank my lucky stars I'm fine with body image and with eating, as long as it's not social. I could eat a massive plate of food, just not in a restaurant, trapped afterwards! From what I know of anorexics (if that's you're thing) you'll have a very very iron will, and you certainly sound very strong with the things you do.
Can I ask why you haven't sought help? I can imagine the prospect would be terrifying though.
Yes, I think the book says to acknowledge the feeling rather than try to ignore it. I need to pay for an actual therapist who will help me to overcome this. There's nothing wrong with my stomach, only my head.
Pulisa, so glad you've told us this, that's why we're here.
There wasn't really much recognition of anorexia when I first developed it let alone treatment. When I had the strength to talk about it to my psych I was told that it was too entrenched so treatment wouldn't help (this is NHS and I understand that younger people would stand more chance of improvement). I'm sure the private sector would take me on but I'm not a millionairess and I can maintain my weight providing I have full control over my food intake....and I can't see myself having the courage to want to face up to it and still be able to be a carer.
I just wanted to explain myself a bit better but I won't harp on about it:D
I love your new avatar btw
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 11:45
Oh thanks
The BBC did a feature on anorexia in older people, really interesting. Here it is if you didn't see it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-36554822
---------- Post added at 11:37 ---------- Previous post was at 11:35 ----------
Just been on a 2 mile walk! Had a major wobble funnily enough with about half a min to go before getting back to the car, so I'd have done about 1.5 miles at that point before actually being able to do the extra half mile without even getting in the car. In the wobble I had a sudden rush of panic and nausea, felt hot (took off jacket) perhaps shaky on feet, and the heart and breathing quickened. The worst of it was seconds, but I noticed it took a couple of mins for the heart to settle. This response is very rare for me now, possibly thanks to mirt, but I'd had a strong cup of tea before going out which would have added to it. Also of course I very rarely push myself. I had the acid but I tried to do the thing in the book and accept it's there, etc.
I had tried to do the general thing, but I ended up walking far further. I can't even remember going this far away from my car or flat in one go, despite tea and hormones!
Quite proud. Xxx
---------- Post added at 11:45 ---------- Previous post was at 11:37 ----------
Give this a read too, Pulisa. So powerfully written by a woman aged 64. There's footage of her too somewhere.
https://www.facebook.com/bbcbreakfast/posts/1350966581584143
Very well done LMA-huge achievement today!!
I'm going to open those links when I'm feeling braver but thank you for finding them for me. It's something I need to face up to xx
LittleMissAlone
06-07-16, 13:33
Sorry to do that to you, I had thought you might have seen it anyway, it was only last month. But of course it's painful for you.
Just seen this on Paul David's FB page when somebody said they'd been trying to follow the rules, they'd had 5 days of adrenaline rushes throughout the day, exhausted and they were wondering if they'd gone wrong:
AnxietyNoMoreUk You can feel worse when you allow as you have stopped trying to suppress what comes up, so it floods through, like a dam that has been broken, this is normal. Don't use my words to stop something, use it as a way of allowing all that needs to come up. You are making the mistake of thinking when I allow then I should not feel this way, you are using my words as a technique to not feel a certain way, when the advice is to feel it all fully.
Well after my walk I'm home and I've eaten lunch but I do feel a bit panicked, which is unlike me, but then it's unlike me to go out and walk 2 miles! Sounds like it's normal to feel worse, I'll just have to build on it.
Hi all , well done on the walk miss not long ago you barely lost sight of your car so it's a step in the right direction literally , had good morning working yesterday morning them bombed in the afternoon fatigue kicked In and could barely stay awake felt awefull because my grand kids were round got so tired I couldnt settle so I've been awake most of the night ( do you get like that shaz so tired you can't sleep ) health anxiety kicked in as well thinking must be somthing wrong to get that tired , cbt day today but already thinking of not going , I like those avatar pictures I'll have to sus out how to get one up maybe one of my d dog I miss him at times like this he was great comfort when I couldn't sleep the new dog just goes potty when you look at her , could do with going back to sleep no school run today , have a good one .
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 05:20
Morning Buster
I'd only just spotted it myself. Click on quick links, edit signature, and then on the left hand screen a control screen comes up and then click edit avatar. You can choose one or upload one as I did.
Hope you get to the cbt, though I can understand if you don't want to. I'm trying my own cbt with this new thing of facing up to the feelings instead of battling them. I walked away from my car amazing myself, had a very unpleasant panic attack, but kept going even though I was seconds from returning to the car. Apparently it's normal that that happened because I was sort of flooding. Feeling quite hopeful at least.
The new pup sounds a handful! Hope you get some rest today.
Shazamataz
07-07-16, 05:55
Well done on the walk LMA! You must feel pleased with yourself?
Buster I do understand the fatigue and it makes anxiety worse. I too often (even before the anxiety was bad) can't sleep as I'm too tired to do so. Silly isn't it?
I've had a better day today after almost no sleep. Yesterday the anxiety took over and I probably battled it instead of 'allowing it'. It's a challenge to allow yourself to feel bad and be okay with it.
Today I wasn't too happy when I got up, really panicky. But had the bonus of a friend from work pulling a sickie so we did a beach walk together this morning. I didn't speak to anyone all tuesday or wednesday, unless you count the person at the petrol station and a lady on the beach where we had a 2 minute conversation while Zico played with her dog. I like time on my own but too much makes the anxiety so much worse.
So, nice walk on the beach and almost felt normal for well over an hour! Then home for a nap (nu luck, anxiety central). Had a friend booked in to come grocery shopping with me but she wasn't feeling well so I just did it on my own and was actually fine. She did me a favour. Then visited her for a bit, home, bored, back to the beach.
I'm really having trouble 'allowing' the feelings when I'm in the car. I'm doing it elsewhere (though also doing quite a bit of distraction) but feel so wobbly and the idea of losing the plot while driving is a huge barrier. Still driving every day but any more than about 5 km away sets me off. A work in progress.
Do try and get to the CBT today Buster. At worst it won't help but it won't do any harm and at best you may find something that helps.
I have a friend coming for tea/dinner. First evening company other than my brother for a while. Feel exhausted and wobbly but trying to be 'normal' and hopefully being a bit busy today will help me sleep. No panic attacks today!
---------- Post added at 16:55 ---------- Previous post was at 16:34 ----------
PS it's nearly 5 pm here. You guys must get up REALLY early!!!!
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 06:00
Sharon, you're doing so well! I can hardly keep up with your timetable, really coming on. It sounds as if you're good on your own and in company.
I agree about 'allowing' being challenging. I tried to go out yesterday afternoon and hardly got anywhere. Acid too much, which is more normal. But pleased I'd pushed myself earlier.
I've got plans today, so here's hoping!
---------- Post added at 06:00 ---------- Previous post was at 05:59 ----------
I'm an early bird, I'm surprised our Buster is up! But poor thing can't sleep I don't think.
Well another half an hours sleep with nightmares so it's up shower and walk the dogs , cbt isn't untill one so I might feel differnt by then , I seem unable to grasp some of these ideas about allowing panic to happen , I read the Clair weekes book and she mentioned floating into shops , can't get my head around allowing it to happen I don't seem to get much choice or warning I can be feeling ok chatting to somone and it pops up unannounced , maybe cbt will explain some of these , I understand the concept but can't put it into practice , take care .
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 08:11
Buster, I know exactly what you mean about the panic popping up out of nowhere, you're literally going about in a normal way and then pow, panic enters and disables you. I wonder if ads help with that response. I had it bad yesterday during that long walk but I had pushed myself and it didn't last long, seconds really, and despite walking quite away from my car it was almost right by it on my return. I know you only take diazapam, so maybe that makes you worse? All I know is that the sudden ferocity of it when you're totally not expecting it is the pits.
I think the allowing thing is just trying to continue despite it, don't try any tricks (like they work!) to combat it, and eventually it will go away. I need to get hold of the book if I can.
Hope you feel up to the counselling later.
I think if you can get quite bored of your symptoms it can help. Apathy is great for adrenaline and fear.
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 08:39
Yes, and I read a suggestion which said you try to find humour, laughing at it.
Anything which is the polar opposite to fear. It's far from easy but has to be practised until it becomes more of a routine reaction.
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 09:07
Funnily enough I've tried imagining food when I feel sick! Or nice foody smells. I noticed weeks ago feeling grim and seeing an advert sign of something really heavy like a Sunday lunch and seeing it helped! I tried to imagine food later and it didn't really work but I guess these things take a lot of practice and commitment.
I think you should try out lots of different approaches and don't necessarily go by the book. Reading about anxiety can be helpful but it still keeps it at the forefront of your mind. Anything which counteracts the fear factor will help but it will all take time when the mind has become over-sensitised to bodily symptoms.
Oh it all sounds so simple, doesn't it?! It's another thing doing it though and surviving:D Humour does really help though although it seems nigh on impossible at the time
Morning walk done went ok despite feeling worn out , this song popped in my head and sums up how I feel today Oldy but a goody put it on my phone while walking on you tube , madness " grey day " , I love music but there was a time when anxiety wouldn't even let me enjoy that , glad I've got that bit back , got bloke coming round who I hate dealing with tried cutting him off but he haunts me the money I make off him isn't realy worth the hassle but get it done early , I like the idea of laughing in the face of anxiety will I look odd doing it out loud in the super market , lol ;there's a term you should use over 40 , lol lol lol lol , I need sleep
I always have "welcome to the house of fun" going through my head when autism rules the roost in my family. It does help although people think I'm mad..If you laugh about it it lessens the impact.
Hope your day is better than you anticipate, Buster.
Shazamataz
07-07-16, 11:13
I get this song in my head sometimes:
I'm going slightly mad
I'm going slightly mad
It finally happened, happened
It finally happened, ooh woh
It finally happened, I'm slightly mad
Yep, it finally happened!
I've had a friend over for dinner and an episode of Game of Thrones. Great to have company and distraction but feel incredibly wired now like all of the evening's anxiety is now coming to the surface. Anyone else experience this?
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 11:18
The British humour is often quite dark isn't it? I've got a therapist friend who'll tell me off if I put myself down, as if I'm reinforcing my negative thoughts, but actually if I call myself a crackpot or something I'm trying to use humour. It's like if I say "just shoot me" I'm not actually suicidal, I'm just trying to poke fun at a ridiculous situation. This friend often points things out to me she does all the time herself. Her latest is apparently we're not allowed to say the word 'but' in a sentence! Don't worry, she doesn't charge me, but she thinks she's helping.
The British humour is often quite dark isn't it? I've got a therapist friend who'll tell me off if I put myself down, as if I'm reinforcing my negative thoughts, but actually if I call myself a crackpot or something I'm trying to use humour. It's like if I say "just shoot me" I'm not actually suicidal, I'm just trying to poke fun at a ridiculous situation. This friend often points things out to me she does all the time herself. Her latest is apparently we're not allowed to say the word 'but' in a sentence! Don't worry, she doesn't charge me, but she thinks she's helping.
...But she's not really living in the real world, is she?
Sharon, I think positive enjoyment/adrenaline can get mixed up with the negative adrenaline so we feel wired up after an enjoyable time as well.. I get this at football matches when I have been able to go and the match is exciting-I would get a panic attack because I was getting wrapped up in the excitement of the game. Does this make sense?
LittleMissAlone
07-07-16, 14:02
So right about this therapist friend. She's really into EFT (tapping). The only tapping point that works at all for me is on the collar bone, which I'll do when I'm driving and het up. But she's also heavily into the swaying technique and energy therapy. She'll repeat aphorisms about getting love, money, etc. She can't understand why I don't get it. Poor love, she's constantly in training for this garbage, giving loads of money she doesn't have to the people teaching her. Honestly, some woman told her that we choose our parents BEFORE conception and she believed her! The only thing she does of any value is mindfulness.
Oh dear. There are so many gullible people out there when it comes to Anxiety plc. It's Big Business now for the charlatans (and I'll include the Speakmans in this one) For others they continue to push their version of what they believe "cures" but we have the power to see these treatments for what they are. I feel sorry for the genuinely decent "therapists" who honestly believe they can help people but just become victims of the money-grabbers
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 04:55
I concur. It sounds as if this Paul David chap is the only one speaking any sense, and really he doesn't have a cure, just accept the feelings and hopefully they'll go away.
I was taken in by the Speakmans having seen their programmes. But I looked at their website and when they are looking for people they say they can cure in a day they are very specific in that they'll only take on people who are currently ill but before were completely well with no psychological issues at all. So your hard core sufferers like us, not interested.
But anxiety, diet and dating industries are big money spinners and there's loads of desperate people out there wanting to buy into it.
Shazamataz
08-07-16, 05:58
Wow LMA you are up early again today! It must be about half five in the morning!
How did your day go yesterday? I am having a bad day so may have read something exciting and forgotten it since this morning!
Yesterday was quite productive but today has been a write off. Checked my diary and period is due (sorry Buster) todayish so PMS on top pf everything. I've noticed my cycles are getting closer togther and are about 24 days instead of 28-30 which they always were. I guess that's things changing in preparation for the big M. I'm nearly 46 so it's not surprising. The last 2-3 years I've had noticeably increased agitation a couple of days before so I guess I'm experiencing that today.
Woke feeling very strange. And the weather was MISERABLE! A bit of a shock as we haven't really had much of a winter yet. 3 degrees and raining but no wind. My friend from work pulled another sicky so we went to the beach despite the rain and I can say if she wasn't coming I probably wouldn't have made it out. We went to the beach about 15 km away which is my favourite but I've not been in a while because of the driving. Got very cold and wet. BUT I drove home! She was very encouraging so that felt good.
Unfortunately that's all I've managed today as have been wallowing in my own misery for the past 5 hours just feeling really edgy and ill and quite dizzy/woozy, probably a mix of anxiety and the new meds. Feel like I've stepped further backwards again but maybe shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've worked my way up all afternoon to taking the dogs out again but just haven't felt well enough. Perhaps ironically staying in makes me feel worse!
Sorry for the down post. Lets hope you all have a good day and I look froward to hearing what you've been up to.
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 06:53
I came on yesterday! (Again, sorry Buster) my periods are still as regular as ever (26-27 days). I've just turned 46 too (as has Buster!) but I don't think I'm getting any issues with that yet. I went to the docs about this time last year and she just immediately dismissed it and said that's about 50. Sometimes they're just clueless, but I just really think they can tell just by looking at you what's wrong. I've never had any gynae issues, thank goodness. I've got friends completely blighted by it, likely looking forward to the menopause.
I do get increased appetite though and I get that from this time of the year onwards, plus 15mg mirt I'm trying not to be a porker! I'm on my second breakfast already.
You didn't miss anything interesting I did yesterday, bit drizzly and uninspiring. I did manage a longish walk though in the afternoon, no panics, and I had to 'allow' the acidy feeling after overdoing the sugar which exasperates the tummy.
You don't have to apologise for down posts, it's really horrible feeling that bad mid winter. Keep in touch!
Shazamataz
08-07-16, 07:20
I admire how cheerful you always are LMA, it's nice to keep in touch.
I'm pretty sure hormones are a big part of my issue. I have two friends who have passed menopause, both 49 and one stopped her periods 3 years ago so she will have been perimenopausal at our age.
I've managed a shower which temporarily makes me feel better. I'm going to have to be careful, though, as I got a huge power bill today. That's what happens when you're not working and home a lot.
I managed to work up the enthusiasm to listen to the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album I bought a couple of days ago. It's not that great. They're a lot more laid back than they used to be and I'm more into rock. That said I fell in love with Adele earlier this year. Bit of a change from Metallica!
Hope you manage to get out again today. Every outing is an achievement!
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 08:09
Yes I am cheerful, I'm certainly not depressed, and I've got nothing to be too stressed about. But I'm still not working and have lost my confidence in a lot of ways. I wonder how helpful the Internet is. Ive only had the internet at home since January and while it's great to have some new friends (and with Joy a real friend!) but I also know that I'm no longer bored and wanting to get out of a morning as I was before having it at home. Prior to that I went to local libraries. But between October and Jan I found going to the library very very difficult. Sometimes I'd be there seconds before giving up and coming home. But after that I struggled with shopping in my local shop, so one replaced the other.
I may give myself a breather on this website soon. We need to do what's right to aid our own recoveries, even if that comes across as selfish. I'll miss it, but needs must.
Adele is fab isn't she? She's a current fave.
I think the internet has a lot to answer for
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 08:46
Certainly for the young, they don't know life without it. I went on a FB anxiety site a few months ago and said something, admittedly clumsily, that there is a direct corelation with mental illness to the Internet, ie without it a lot of the young people currently suffering wouldn't be. Well, I got pilloried! I had to take it down after 45 mins, I was attacked right left and centre, someone even said I should have put a trigger warning on it! Someone questioned why I was on the website at all. Only one woman agreed it was a double edged sword.
One young whippersnapper I don't think understood the irony that if the Internet didn't exist I wouldn't have upset her that morning, but she still asked me patronisingly how she could help me! Came off all such sites and came to this one, where everyone seems to be adults.
I completely agree with you, LMA. Young people today who are vulnerable don't stand a chance on the social media pecking order. It's very sad. I can protect my own daughter but many young people just swallow up all the crap and believe they are worthless.
---------- Post added at 08:57 ---------- Previous post was at 08:53 ----------
Also "internet distress" as a result of social media is a whole new phenomenon. Should it be bracketed with mental illness-I'm not sure. There is far too much pressure on mental health services these days.
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 09:13
Just look at the proms the kids have to go on, with of course pictures of who's got the nicest hair/biggest boobs. For decades it was a school disco, that's it. Can't help wondering how much of it is down to irresponsible parenting giving into various pressures. My friend is fighting a losing battle though. She's got a 14 year old son who she tries to keep from the net and of course it makes the whole thing irresistible for him. She's not even given him a plain mobile, but fair enough, we didn't have phones at school either.
So so difficult, but I sometimes think parents consider anything for an easy life. If social media was around when I was a student I'm pretty certain I couldn't have got any work done. Look at me, I should be thinking about going out now! It's addictive and unhealthy ultimately.
Yes it is highly addictive! I'm off now to take my daughter to her ACT therapy in the next county-lots of challenges here on a weekly basis for both of us! I hope you have a good day, LMA-we do what we can to get us through!
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 09:26
Yes, have a good one. :hugs:
Shazamataz
08-07-16, 10:24
I think the internet is a very valuable tool at times but also somewhat of a curse. Very true about the double-edged sword.
I probably spend to much time checking things at the moment. It gives me something to do but also creates anxiety in that I end up spending too much time focusing on the anxiety.
That said, this forum has been a godsend at times for support and understanding.
Speaking of swords, off to distract myself with another hour of Game of Thrones. It's not really my thing but I have to concentrate really hard so it's taking my mind off the anxiety for a spell.
Have a great day! I'm hoping for a much better tomorrow!
LittleMissAlone
08-07-16, 11:52
That sums it up! A curse and a godsend!
Hope you are able to feel well soon.
Well, I'm going to log out of no more panic for a while, not because I'm feeling great, because I'm not, but just to see how I am without it.
Good luck Buster, Pulisa, Sharon and Dally.
Hi , 321 I'm back in the room , period talk couldnt have timed it better not being on here no need for apologies I have two daughters and now two female dogs one of which seems to be having her first season other one had to have it all out after a womb infection , had a rough week and yesterday was the worst but still went to the cbt some bits made sense so not a total waste of time got next to no sleep last night got so bad I darnt go to sleep , chest tension is driving me nuts nothing takes it off and I'm resisting going to docs , shaz big fan of chilli peppers one band I never got to see and regretted it , saw every rock and punk band going back in the day now my daughters boyfriend thinks they discovered them , havent heard the new album but saw a clip on you tube of carpool kareoke James corden and chillis singing while driving realy funny , pulisa do you think it's ironic madness songs pop into our heads ,maybe after a diazepam pink floyds comfortabley numb will pop in there , to much technology for me i preferred the simple life maybe we are showing our age a bit , missy hope you don't read this because you've got better found a job and got your life back stranger things have happened in which case I'm talking to my self ( first sign of madness ) not the band , take care all inc the ones not mentioned .
I prefer the simple life-there's far too much choice now. I live a pretty spartan life and prefer it that way- I certainly haven't joined the 21st century as regards technology! My phone's a "brick" but it serves its purpose and is very reliable unlike most of the latest gadgets.
Take what you can out of the CBT, Buster, and well done for going. I hope today is better but it can't help with all this lack of sleep..
Thanks pulisa , the therapist did hint at one point it isn't going to Change that much my problems are mostly real and dealing with them is never going to be easy , got some home work and lost it allready reminds me of school days , it's will turn up it's just my memory gets so bad when I'm anxous I don't remeber where I've put things strangely my eyesight gets worse as well probably down to age but definitely worse when I'm stressing , had to deal with somone who realy bugs me this morning I make money from him but the hassle he gives me isn't worth it , gave him a bollocking for hounding me night and day which as usual he tried to change the subject till I said " you're still not f&@king listening to me " he apologised and I went away feeling better for letting it out now I'll blank his calls , hope you have a reasonably stress free weekend , no shazmataz today must be head banging to Metallica or swaying about to adele , take care
Well done for being assertive, Buster! Don't take any crap from anyone! I think it makes you feel better if you stand up for yourself. I've always enjoyed an argument:D
Shazamataz
09-07-16, 21:36
I have eye issues when I am stressed as well. I wonder if some of it is simply from being very tired and the eye muscles not working as they should.
Feels a bit weird here with LMA gone!
Sunday morning. I've had about 6.5 hours sleep which is never enough but better than the night before. Have had a rough couple of days of wallowing in how awful I feel but not going to do that today.
Have a friend booked in to come out with me and the dogs. Afternoon and evening are free though. I'm finding too much time on my own is not good. But being anxious and not able to get out much means that's my reality. Yesterday I believe I experienced quite a bit of DP/DR and did not like it at all!
Was supposed to up my ven dose yesterday but felt quite ill so maybe today and just get on with it!
3 degrees here at the moment!
Morning shaz , and last thing for me , got soaked this morning on the dog walk and found out the new pup doesn't like the rain it ran off with me shouting and chasing found it back at my van waiting to get in little sod , my other dog seems to accept it now and they sleep together , it's good you are feeling positive for today or my tomorrow , they anger I had for the dog running off I channeled into having a go at the thorn in my side and I made some money out of him as well so not the worst day , have a good day and ride the lightening
My advice would be to be a bit careful with ven when agitation is a real problem, Sharon. It's a powerful med. Obviously this is just my experience of it though
Hi , I've never had any good experience with meds but I know they help some we all react so differently to them pity there isn't a one size fits all med maybe one day , decided it's such a nice night I've come out to the gazebo in the rain and wind bit worried about the mozzies though got bit twice last night on the neck , pic of dogs cuddled up looks like she's staying .
A bonded pair! Looks like they have made your mind up for you, Buster? I really hope that your dogs can help you by bringing some happier times back into your life
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