Hi guys and dolls,

Feeling a bit rough today, seems as all my problems have decided to blow up in my life over the last 3-4 weeks. I just need to vent.

I quit my job, in a store, just for my general health, as the place was stressing me. I then got a new job, which had training away from home, I got as far as London on the train, got severley freaked out & came home as I hate being away from home alone, I have a real phobia of being alone at night. needless to say, i had to pass on that job,Im now waiting to hear this week if i have got another job, a job id really like, so thumbs up and fingers crossed.

I have also developed a strange phobia of death, more specifically dying, now ive had this fear ever since i was a little girl, i dont know why, but it have beacome more apparant in the last few weeks. Ive only lost 2 people close to me, one in 09 the other 2010. this hit me hard. I just cant seem to bear the fact that one day i wont be here, I'll be forgotten, alone, scared to leave my family and friends. Just cannot seem to accept that death is a natural part of living. I do know that theres noone out there who can help me with this as noone can make me live forever.

I have a dysfunctional family, who i see when it suits them, so i wonder when i die will they miss me, as they can go months without speaking to me. they hardly speak to eachother. my mumhas done and does things i dont agree with, i have issues with her and have given her the opportunity to explain things, but she chooses not too. on one handimangry,the other incredibly sad and hurt.

Also I dont have any children, im so broody and desperate for a baby, which i truly do believe will help me get back on the road to recovery because i will have someone other than my boyf to love, BUT on the other hand it will kill me to know one day ill die and leave my child.

WISH EVERYTHING COULD BE SIMPLE AND WE CAN LIVE FOREVER!!

been on medication 10 out of the last 12 months.

I want cbt,does anyonethink this could help.

feels good just to vent.
thanks