Hi to everyone here, I'm Gill. I'm 35, married & I have suffered with anxiety to a certain extent for most of my twenties, but only really realised something was really wrong a few years ago. I think I have a type of social phobia, though I'm not really sure if it is generalised anxiety, but it seems to centre vaguely around having to "perform" in front of other people.
I used to drive, but haven't been able to for several years because I worry that I will have an accident or make a mistake. I haven't been able to work since 2001 because I got so stressed about being able to cope, and meeting figures, and not being as good as the others that I made myself ill.
Before that I had already started and given up 4 different jobs since 1996.Each time i started the new job, I felt worse than the last time and now even thinking about applying for a job makes me feel really anxious. I always thought it was the jobs that were the problem, but then I realised it was me!
I try to stay positive, but sometimes I do get miserable, as I feel a failiure that I am not working anymore. I sometimes feel I am letting myself & my husband down, though he is very supportive & says it doesn't matter to him. I don't take any regular medication, but I have lorazepam ( a tranqilizer) for "emergencies".
At the moment I can't see how I am ever going to improve. I am a bit worried that I will get worse, as I now also get very nervous about meeting new people and situations that I am not used to, where people don't know what I am like. I even had to take my lorazepam to go to a family party recently, just because I knew I would have to make "small talk" with people I don't know. I never used to be as bad as that.
Anyway, this is getting a bit long now, but I am very glad I found this website. I sometimes feel isolated with this problem as I don't know anyone else like me, so it would be nice to be able to talk to others who understand. (Thanks to Nic who who talked to me in the chatroom a couple of weeks ago when I was very miserable. It helped)
Gill