Ex-Cip user thinking of returning....

[The Raven]

(I also posted this on General Anxiety bit...)

Hello again

It has been more than 18 months since I wrote on this site – although I have dipped in to read on many occasions – but the fact I am back is because I am not in a very good place again and I know getting active with this site is part of the recovery process.

I see this as a place we can talk to people who truly understand, a place we don’t have to pretend, and a place we can feel safe. And it is also a place where we can hopefully feel inspired to fight back.

My last regular venture on the site was to record my ‘return to the meds’ after I found that without meds I was losing what I call my ongoing DAPS battle (that’s fighting against Depression, Anxiety, Panic and Stress).

I had been on Cipralex a couple of times with some success over the years but even though I have had decent periods of post-med ‘remission’ the problems just wouldn’t go away. So last May I started the tabs again. Then stopped. Then started again. And I recorded all my confusion here about ‘should I med or should I not’ and had some excellent debate and support at the same time. You can read it here...

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=74763

Well, moving forward I have now been 18 months or so off the tablets but not, unfortunately, 18 months without my DAPS. For many of those months I coped OK due to a major boost in my private life but in the last six months especially things have gotten really tough again and in the lead up to Christmas I felt as bad as I could ever remember.

And yet still I tried to do it myself and fight the battle without any medical/practical support. If I could have a good Christmnas maybe, just maybe, I will be fine again in January I thought...

Well Christmas/New Year has come and gone and the hopes I had that the holiday period would relax me enough to put me in a good place have not been realised. I am now back at work – in a high-profile job which is hard to ‘’hide’ in – and I feel utterly terrible again. And so I know that I have to do 'something' but I just don't know what. Ignoring it no longer seems a viable option - I have that horrible nagging anxiety all day, depressive thoughts all the time and I am totally in fear that I just can’t cope.

So I am back again and wondering (aloud here) if I should go back on the meds?

I know some of you reading this may be annoyed/amazed at my reluctance but I just got really hit by the side effects last time and I am worried that if the same thing occurs again I am not strong enough to cope. I am proud of the fact that I have managed (somehow) to stay working throughout my DAPS although at times it has been very, very hard but I am just frightened that at this time as I feel so weak I may not have the strength to deal with it all.

I know no-one else can make the meds decision for us but I just wanted to post today to say hello again and just get any advice/ideas from others who have been in my position before - can we beat this alone or is meds the only answer?

Your support – as ever – will be welcome and I hope whatever I decide to do I will be able to help others again on this special and important site.

Regards

Sam (The Raven)

[Dee01]

You have done so well.

Do not put yourself down for anything.

The fact that you can use the meds and come off them is amazing to me - and unattainable.

However, are u letting them be in ur system long enough (i.e more then a few weeks/months) if you are then maybe you need to be moved to another drug? I really don't know i'm afraid.

I am just so inspired by you getting off tablets at all. Well done you. And I know once you TALK TO YOUR DOC and you both agree the right treatment for you, you will do great. Feel free to PM me for anything

[lins13]

Hiya Sam
I understand exactly how you feel about going back on cipralex and how bad the side effects are, having been on them myself twice for 10 years. It took 9 months to wean off them cutting them from 5mg at a time, with terrible withdrawal. I would try an alternative. My Dr prescribed vitamin b6 3 weeks ago and my anxiety has subsided, my panic attacks are still lurking but i keep my mind busy and do something to stop thinking about it, even if i have to leave the room, i dont feel as stressed.
I too was thinking of going back on medication (cipralex) as i knew this med would work but for the side effects and withdrawals, im too scared to, so im seeing how i am on vitb6 for 3 months, so far, so good.
hope this has helped.