Hi guys,
A few days ago I took the very difficult decision not to attend my sister's university graduation in Wales from 10th-12th July as I didn't feel capable of going without being anxious, panicky and ruining the day for her, and instead to seek CBT counselling no matter what the cost in order that this won't happen again.
I left messages for my sister yesterday morning, and again today, firstly to ask if she would mind a lot if I didn't go to Wales (I said I know she would mind, but hoped she wouldn't be irreconcilably disappointed, and explained my reasons for making the choice), and then today to ask if she got my first message and if she was upset with me, but she hasn't got back to me about either message :(
I know she will be upset, but she has always been "the sensible one" when it comes to seeing things from others' point of view (whereas I am far more hot-headed and tend to not be able to walk in another person's shoes for quite some time after I've listened to what they've told me), and I hoped she would be able to see that it would nigh-on kill me at the moment to be able to do this, which would make the day horrid for her and the rest of the family. I planned instead to take her out to a local restaurant which she has never been to (because it is quite pricey), but has always talked about wanting to visit when she gets home on 12th July. I guess this seems like a lame gesture :(
I haven't told my parents yet what I feel about going to the graduation, so I can't talk to them about my sister not replying to my messages, but I'm starting to really worry that I've done something unfixable! :(
Leah.
--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.