Feel like there's no hope for me

[theharvestmouse]

I've hit a new low, as bad as I've ever been. Up to now I have been managing to keep going to work even though I've been anxious every day. But its just getting too much, I'm starting to think what is the point, I have nothing in my life because anxiety has ruined it all.

I'm self employed and today I've cancelled my jobs, I can't face it. Last night I went to my evening class and nearly had a complete meltdown in the class. Its got the point where I can't even do anything because of the anxiety.

I'm doing things that are suggested, yes I have accepted that I have anxiety, yes I am trying to go out, keep working, facing my fears, but when I keep having these feelings despite me carrying on.

I don't feel like I can live a normal life, I've struggled with this for so many years now, I am also becoming a worry for my parents and siblings. They are very supportive but I feel so sorry for putting them through this.

I'm taking Citalopram and I'm waiting for CBT, but the way I feel right now is that I can't see any hope for me. I'm going to phone IAPT this morning to see if I can speed up my CBT otherwise I am going to have to seek help elsewhere. I've been having suicidal thoughts again, because I am struggling to see a future for me without feeling so lost, and anxious.

Sorry for such a depressing post but I feel so lost.

[Annie0904]

I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment but you will get better. I was where you are 8 years ago and it lasted for some time, I thought there was no point in living. I had to wait a while for my cbt but it did help me and I have more good days than bad since. I went all last year without any signs of anxiety. It has just come back since June this year because I had an accident and fractured my foot. You could try the CBT4panic there is a link somewhere on this site I think. Sending you and remember there IS light at the end of the tunnel!

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks Annie.

[loopylu86]

I get days when I feel like this and I have had to go on the sick and am currently in my fourth week off and also I am on Cit day 26! I had a good day yesterday. but after a very anxious night I feel like hell again. I have been here before and came out of it. Do you have any good days at all??

[theharvestmouse]

I do have good days, I get days where I can see a future for myself but I've just had a few bad days and last night has tipped me over the edge.

[Annie0904]

Try to stay positive (I Know easier said than done) but it WILL get better. If you have cancelled your work today try to give yourself some TLC

[robinhall]

Hi HarvestMouse

As Annie was saying, CBT4PANIC would be a big help for you at the minute - especially since you want to try CBT anyway.

There is a 30 day free trial so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Check out the link below or do a search for CBT4PANIC and you will see how th eprogramme is helping many people on this forum.

Best of luck
Robin

[BobbyDog]

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment the harvest mouse, putting a lot of effort in and getting little peace back.

I have missed you on home alone at the weekend's.

Have you had a look at the nopanic.org website, there is a £12 annual joining fee, you can contact them about having one to one CBT over the phone, or, join a telephone recovery group, I am awaiting my appointment to join the latter, there was no current waiting list when I contacted them about it last week.

I really hope you start to feel better soon.

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks for the replies, I have my CBT consultation next Friday. I went for a walk this afternoon, spoke to my sister. Basically told her that I have thought about suicide as I have been feeling that its the only way out of this. I cant take much more of this.

[Anxious_gal]

Do you get the suicidal thoughts because you feel trapped and have not much control ?
I've had that today :/
I dunno the older I get the more I fear never gettibg rid of the anxiety to enjoy life like everyone else. It's hard it feels sooo unfair!