Making small steps and Clare Weeks book arrived

[fran43]

Hi

This morning was really hard. The scenario was shall I or shall I not go to the supermarket on my own. I only had to get two loafs of bread and milk but it also involved driving my car alone.

Eventually I came to the conclusion I had to do it. The supermarket was full of parents/kids getting school uniform. I did do it and managed to get out in one piece. What I cant understand is why I felt once back home, it was such a small thing to do, especially compared to what I could do eight months ago.

My book from Amazon finally arrived (Self help for your nerves). I remember reading it 16 years ago but obviously I need to re-read it, Claire Weekes does make sense in many ways. It is putting things into practice I guess.

I hit bottom again when my neighbour said how well I was looking and asked how much weight had I put on! I said something like 1 1/2 stone (which is probably right, if not more). I dont get on scales anymore as they will send me into a PA straight away. What I dont know cont hurt me.

Apart from my car journey and supermarket visit I have done little else. My muscles have tensed up, especially in my arms and back and I felt completely exhausted and unable to take deep breaths.

I guess I am so impatient, I want to feel better now. Our son starts school at 9.00am next week and my appointment with the CMHT worker is at 10.00am. I am not looking forward to this but I need referral to some form of therapy that will propel me forward.

Has anyone got any suggestions about what I ought to ask (or insist on) when I see the CMHT worker. My husband is coming with me this time as I do not want to be fobbed off with "keep taking a walk at night and you will soon feel better" (that was over three months ago).

Anyway, that is my news and progress today (so far).

Take good care of yourselves and each other.

Love Fran XX

[Meg]

Fran

Firstly congratulations on your hard work and real progress today on managing to go and get what you needed. That was a great step.

It is usual that after a huge leap like you did that your body will tighten up - remember that it thought that this outing was defying a massive danger as your body has learn your fears and will try to alert you by giving you the physical symptoms you're describing.

There is no point whatsoever trying to rush this recovery as in order to make lasting changes you have to retrain your nervous system and belief and self message wiring and that takes time.

CBT is the gold standard of treatment for panic, there is lots of information about this on the website so have a read up and discuss this with the CMHT when you meet.

The taking a walk thing has merit but only when coupled with challenging your fear beliefs and relearning your internal messages at the same time.

Good luck with Claire weekes book.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress

[fran43]

Meg

Thanks for your post.

I am a member of the NMP (although my daughter has lost my membership card).

I think cognitive behaviour therapy is valid. I have no doubt that it is thought that provokes my panic response and panic = danger. I know it was necessary for our ancestors to have the flight or fight response and that it is nearly redundant in society now. (Apart from the necessary normal response ie it is normal to have adrenaline in situations such as crossing the road, or one child is running a high temp and that needs action. I need to get a grip of this, I think Claire Weekes was on top of that in her book.

Facing your fear, accepting symptoms due to the fear (adrenaline) response, floating (ok, I do find that one really really hard but it got me through my supermarket expedition) and letting time pass. I think the last is incredibly difficult as I think we all share the feeling of "impatience", we want to be better now, not tomorrow.

I would recommend her book but I think it needs to be used with other therapies that a person feels comfortable with.

Take care of yourself.

Fran XX

[missacorah]

Hi Fran, well done with what you have managed today - you set yourself that target and you acheived it so good on ya!

I went to the doctors today and it wasnt the locum I have been seeing recently - it was the head of the practise who i rarely see. I was already panicking as I had been sat in the waiting room for a long, long time. He asked me what was making me anxious and I said I was unsure - I told him I relax by watching films when I am feeling stressed at home and he asked what kind. I said horror and comedies and he said thats my problem - I should watch nature programmes! I nearly laughed in his face! He also said the dizziness I'm currently having is part of the panic and not the labyrinthitis returning which I suppose is good.

He has given me a a week off work - he did offer 2 but I declined as I really want to get back into the swing of things. Managed to visit my mum for an hour after the doctors then a short walk to the local market for a couple of bits so am feeling not too bad right now.

[fran43]

Hi Missacorah

I also find there is nothing worse than having to wait to see anyone, regardless of what time it is.

So the expert says horror and comedy are the problem! To be honest I myself cant watch horror films late at night but comedy ought to be light (providing it is not including sketches of current potentially disturbing events). Nature programmes can be great but personally I find many boring which gives me too much time to think!

I don't suffer from dizziness but I think it can be related to anxiety. I remember you saying you were admitted to hosp with labyrinthitis. I guess any anxiety producing symptoms can also be medically orientated. I personally think the other way, any symptom I get is due to anxiety rather than medical. How do you feel that he has put your dizziness down to anxiety?

Perhaps going back to work is helpful to you. Personally I could not return to my job until I feel ok or at least "real". It is a high risk job and I usually love it but unless I can give 100% then returning is not an option.

Perhaps you need to give yourself more time and take the second week off sick. How are you getting on with the propanalol (beta blocker?). My GP prescribed it for me. The night dose I dont have too much problem with. The morning dose makes me feel really sick.

Take good care of yourself hun. Are you looking forward to the kids returning to school?

Lots of Love

Fran XX

[fran43]

Omg, my son wants his arch rival to stay the night and that is not possible. I have enough dealing with our 18yr pregnant daughter, yet alone my son's friend.

I am only truly comfortable with family right at this moment, any "strangers" or "parents/kids I know" are really out of bounds.

My husband is not here currently - he is delivering one of our relaxation armchairs/stools (it doesn't work - one of our kttens chew through the electrics, so it is just a chair and stool.

To be honest, I have had enough of today. I have driven my car solo, gone to the supermarket solo and that has sapped every bit of energy I have.

Cant believe it is the first of Septembver now, where has time gone??

Looked up the NICE guidelines on what I ought to expect come Tuesday. Guess I need to know my rights/expectations come Tuesday. I am truly fearful and dreading it. Must get on reading Clare Weekes book "self-help for your nerves". I think a few glasses of wine may relax me - trouble is I eat and dont care what I eat and that really causes me major problems in the morning (going through a slow recovery from anorexia, althought my weight is within healthy range now (not to my liking)) .

I guess in the scheme of things - a daughter, pregnant & 18ysr old, her ex who physically hurts her, the fact I miss her not being at home, a ten year old who totally relies on me. a husband I feel will crack up soon, an adoptive mother who I hate, my adoptive dad who died less than a year ago and who I loved madly, truly, deeply and beyond. Not a lot to contend with? What the hell am I supposed to do or feel?? Except feel denial, hate, regret etc......

Anyways, I am being called by my husband and younger child and feel I need to respond to be a "role model and responsible mother". I have to act as one even thought I feel deep inside I am far from that.

Take good care of yourselves and each other.

Lots of Love

Fran XXX

[Wannabeloved85]

my mum as the same way with my younger brothers friends and mine. NO SLEEPOVERS she'd say! we didnt like it, but being kids we always got over it after a tantrum!
Mum doesnt mind my bros sleep overs now, its ok aslong as they dont make noise, then she can pretend they not here!

I think you tensed up and had breathing worries because maybe your out of exercise? {i am not saying this because of what your neighbour said!} im saying it because i think im the same, i blamed my breathing on anxiety when i was out walking the oter day, but today i was playing with my nephew and i was soooo out of breath! i realised im soo unfit! all the years ive been inside, ive not exercised and ive become a heavy smoker! i was just genuinely out of breath!
So its exercise and cuttin down on the ciggies for me!
Becci x

[Wenjoy]

Hi Fran
I so understand what you mean.
I work in a shop and felt hot and "trapped " today by my queue of customers at my fabric counter- I started to hyperventilate which went on for 2 hours leaving me tense, dizzy and really panicky. In the end I held my breath, dropped my shoulders and said to myself" you are ok - realx"

I start cbt next week and am being assessed and hopefully taught how to control panic before it escalates.\ Like you - I went to the supermarket and every time a thought came to me in the queue I thought Im fine - im fine - Im fine - to blcok negative thoughts like - I gotta get out of here - its too hot etc. Its that feeling of being trapped.

Hopefully cbt will help me as I canbe positive with other people and help alot of others with their probs but amsooo negative about myself!!!!

Take care love wenjoy xxx

[fran43]

Hi Wenjoy and Wannabeloved85

I so no that I am not fit. However, I managed to walk around theme parks in rlando for seven hours with our son that I feel I am probably not that unfit. Yes I smoke but if I have a genuine panic situation (say a slow worm (which our cats bring in)) I can raise my heart beat ten fold but not feel the same effects as a P/A or feel it as extreme anxiety. That means to me that my inner beliefs/ thoughts are causing excess adrenaline rather than true anxiety caused by immediate threat.

I really want to explore CBT therpay. As far as I understand, it does not involve issues re the past but deals with present/future events and how the mind and thoughts/belief interpret them. I guess "all I have to do is convince the CMHT worker that is what I need and want" rather than some dep psychiatric meaning/cause as to what caused the PA/depression in the first place.

I willl keep you up to date.

Take care of yourselves and thanks for replying to my post.

Love Fran XXX