I started back at university today after suspending my studies for a year due to the anxiety and I have been really looking forward to it. I felt quite confident that going back there to finish my degree would be a good thing. I wasnt really that worried about it. But today I went there and all the old feelings flooded back to me - I havent felt so down for ages. I was coming back on the bus and all the old negative thoughts and feelings were there as strong as ever. I can't believe it! In the last few months I have had a normal life and the anxiety has been at a minimum so I havent a clue as to why this has happened. I feel the old sense of dread about being there, the lack of self-confidence about my studies, the worry of having to speak in class, the anxiety about group work and meeting new people. I'm absolutely flabbergasted at how rapidly my mental health deteriorated today! It's really thrown me. I was expecting some first day nerves because I have been out of the loop for a while but nothing like this. I'm pretty sure the reason for it is because I was at university when it all started and I obviously have negative associations with the place - hence everything flooding back to me today. I felt like the same lonely, anxious, miserable person I was last year - someone who constantly compares themselves to other more confident students and finds themselves wishing they were like that, something that only serves to make you feel more isolated and 'different'. I feel like I am back at square one, like all the therapy and help I had just hasnt made any difference, like my negative core beliefs are still essentially the same. I tried using the CBT/Claire Weekes methods that have served me so well in the past and they didnt really help because my negative beliefs today were so bloody strong! I am so hoping that this is a normal way to react and that it will become easier in time because today I feel more discouraged about everything than I have for ages. Sorry for ranting - just had to get this of my chest. If anyone has any advice or has been through something similar then please feel free to offer me some advice because I could do with it! Clare. xxx

*I think, therefore I am.*