Liver / pancreatic Cancer - can't see what else is could be.

[ShellyTai]

Hi everyone,
Haven't posted for ages as I thought things were looking up..... .

Came off of my Sertraline earlier on this year (about June / July time) .... thought I was doing fine .... seemed to be coping etc.....but was self soothing with a bottle of red wine of an evening .... .
Didn't take long for the Health Anxiety to come creeping back .... more so over the past few weeks ...... hair's started falling out / skin in a bad way / obsessing over health ..... was at the Dr last week - he suspected anxiety maybe surfacing again ... but has sent me for blood tests to check for underactive thyroid etc .... (not going to get blood done until fri) ....
Started back on Sertraline on Saturday .... (4 days in ... side effects are awful) ..... had a pain in my left side all day yesterday .... got so bad late afternoon that I phoned the dr and they gave me an emergency apt .... am convinced that the pain is liver / pancreatic cancer .... (my mum died with this 12 years ago) ..... Dr felt my liver etc....said that there was no signs of anything / gall stones / enlarged liver etc ... and said it's most likely muscular and is being made worse due to my anxiety. He asked if I had any stomach problems, I said not really - other than the usual acid reflux which flares up.
Today I've felt seriously ill, keep thinking I'm going to be ill, (sorry, can't seem to think of another word) but have this constant vile burn at the back of my throat - worse tasting than acid indigestion......having one panic attack after the other with every wave of nausea. Trying to keep a level head and not freak out completely .... but I'm struggling to be rational and think that this is all down to anxiety (and quitting my bottle a night red wine habit) .....
So sorry for ranting .... you're all probably reading this thinking for god sake "shut up" .....

Michelle
xxxxx

[Brunette]

I'm pretty sure that's not what anyone is thinking. But what I am thinking is that you should trust your doctor.

Drinking a bottle of wine a night won't be doing you any good either - part of what you are feeling is probably down to the symptoms of withdrawal from that. Stick to your meds instead.

[ShellyTai]

Thank you - yes will definitely be sticking to my meds from now on.
Just wish I could get my head to think straight.....one minute I seem to be able to think clear and the next minute I'm in floods of tears....so awful.
thank you again.
xx

[Andria24]

Shelly - other than being overwrought and exhausted through the illness you do have (anxiety disorder) you are fine.

You're transferring your mum's illness to you (perfectly understandable) and given your anxiety well - bingo!

What you need to do is try and think like this: yes, you could have some horrible life-threatening illness. However there are much higher odds that you don't. The odds are in your favour. If your best friend won a car in a competition are you then going to assume that you're next? No you're not. But, if the same friend developed some godawful disease, you're definitely next in line, right?

Do you see? How easily we of the nervous disposition latch into the negative, and yet we never seem to embrace our chances of gaining something wonderful? That's the anxiety, that's the monster in our midst, whispering negativity at every opportunity.

Currently your body is reacting to your panic. It's making ready over and over again, to fight or flee. You're asking so much of your internal system and then worrying about how it's leaving you feeling. Honest - it's amazing what we can conjure up once we start the cycle of find, fixate, flap.

You are ok Shelly. Give yourself the chance to really believe it

[ShellyTai]

Thank you Andria24
I really really wish I could take the positive - you are so right in what you're saying.
Had the worse night ever - spent the whole night just taking one panic attack after another .... felt very very sick so spent a lot of the night in the loo thinking I was going to be ill .... but I wasn't.....and as much as I tried to block it out and think positive ... I couldn't get the picture of my mother and her cancer fight out of my head.....and I kept coming back to the same thing .... "I've got the same" .... now this morning, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, shaking like a leaf, listening to ads on telly for Christmas (pretty sure I won't be here for Christmas - if I am, it'll be my last .....) ... this is pure hell.....I'm away to call the dr again at 8.15 and see if I can go in and talk to someone.
Today is day 5 back on sertraline....

thanks again for your reply.
xxxxxx