How do I become a bit softer on myself?

[Catoes]

Hello! I'm new and hope I'm doing this right!

I feel like it's time to reach out to a forum, not so much because of my anxiety, but more because of the results of it.
To cut a long story short there are days that happen all too often when I get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, make some breakfast, pack my bag for a class, make my way to the front door: and just can't go through it.
I'll then spend the rest of that day indoors (probably in bed) beating myself up about it. I won't eat, I won't talk to anyone, I won't even bother with opening the blinds. All because I don't feel like I deserve it.
I'll spend the whole day trying to ignore the sound of happy functioning people outside.
If someone rings the doorbell or comes by the windows on the scaffolding (the building's having work done), I'll have a sometimes not so mini heart attack.
This sucks while it happens, but also has the potential to ruin days after if not the rest of the week! This happened today and it's only bloody Monday.
The frustration here derives from me really wanting to go to class. I love it! I love learning and seeing my classmates, we have a great teacher and when I get there it feels like it finishes before it even starts. However, that is if I can actually get there.

When I do get out and about I often have a blast. I enjoy leisure activities and even stuff that most people find boring and/or frustrating like visiting the bank, just because I'm outside and interacting with others... sounds sad like that haha.

What do you think is going on here?
Is there a way to get myself to stop beating myself up about this when it happens? Because if I could move on from it as swiftly as possible I could get back on my feet again and function.

Thanks in advance.

[bimmer18]

You know, we'd all be okay if we didn't have to fight our bodies and brains!! Sometimes it's so exhausting. I have been where you are, and I've been embarrassed, guilty and ashamed because it ses so silly. But again, it can be a battle. Maybe try focusing on what awaits you on the other side of that door...LIFE!! Why not try and take baby steps, like "if I just make it to my car, I'll see how I feel". Often times I just have to get myself to work and talk myself through that process, then I feel much better.

Don't beat yourself up...it happens to the best of us!! Keep your chin up!

[Jamesflames]

I'm reading a book called Escape by J O'Neill and he makes the very good point that you are ill so you have to give yourself permission to feel ill sometimes. If you had a physical condition you wouldn't beat yourself up over feeling worse than usual one day, so you should try to think the same way about anxiety.

Good luck with it.