Hi New here 😊

[chellebelles]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I suffer with social anxiety and I really want to beat this as it just really gets me down. Im fine when I see my family and at home with my partner and two little boys I'm really fun and full of it. But it's everybody else I just find it hard to interact with people. I get so anxious when it comes to having to interact with someone whether it's my partners family, my partners friends, my sons preschool teachers (I hate having to take him to school and pick him up in fear of someone talking to me). When I go to see my partners family I tell him not to leave me on my own in a room with anyone. I always fear that I'm not going to know what to say if someone talks to me, or getting my words mixed up, people will think I'm stupid or ignorant or weird. Most of the time when people do talk to me I'm not taking any of it in as I'm spending all of that moment feeling conscious about myself and how I'm being perceived and worrying if my chest and neck has gone all blotchy which most of the time always is! After any interaction i then spend the next so many days thinking about how I was perceived and go round in circles with it all. I always think people don't like me like my partners family, my sons preschool teachers and everybody else. I'm constantly worried what people think of me. I really want to gain some confidence, make some new friends as I live in Yorkshire with my partner and my family and friends live in Kent. It's so hard to make new friends with this social anxiety. I'm glad I found this forum and looking forward to chatting to people who can relate to me.

[Soulcatcher71]

We'll I think I speak for most of us when I say that we can certainly relate to that!
Welcome

[chellebelles]

Thanks soulcatcher71 x

[sial72]

Helloooo and welcome
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with this. I've never had a problem knowing what to say, my problem was going bright red! It got to the point where I did all sorts of things to avoid going red, like wearing makeup, sunglasses even if it was cloudy, etc, etc.
And if I did go red I would think about it for days and not want to go out.
But then one day I suddenly thought, am I really going to waste my life and miss out on things simply because I go red?? No way!!! So now I just live with it and of course it is not as bad any longer.
Have you ever had any kind if therapy for this?
Xx

[Oosh]

Welcome to the site chellebelles.

That all sounds like me :]

All those scenarios have a subtext of "what do I come across like. What are they seeing. How do I look. ? Etc etc You lose before you even begin.
You need to change that subtext to all these interactions and you give yourself the possibility of having a new outcome.

It's like you have all the movie cameras pointing at you. You see you. They see you. It's crippling. Point them away from yourself. Look at others. What's likeable about them ? Might they be insecure or worried about anything ?
Would you like them as a friend ? What about them would be nice if they were your friend ?
Do they look tough ?
Do they look like it'd feel good having them standing in your corner defending you ?
Do you think they may need someone to stick up for them ?
What if they're having a crappy time, would you enjoy supporting them ?
What would that feel like ?
Do they look funny, interesting ?
What would THEY think about your interests ?
Would it feel nice if instead of being alone, that person and everything they are, was your friend, on your side ?

Picture them being your friend, happy to see you, liking you.
Picture you going through stuff together, supporting each other, having fun, liking each other's personalities. Doesn't it feel good to have someone ?
Are they in some ways the SAME as you ?
"Do I live in a world full of people just like me !"
"Is it US not me and them ?"

Forget about you. Start looking outwards and seeing that friend in those people.

For me, the way I felt started to change. Instead of always feeling weary of people and under scrutiny etc I started seeing them as a friend who was with me not against me and I just started liking people again.

The next step is then responding to something to do with them, interacting, relating, agreeing and again LOOKING for that friendly response. And when you see people be friendly and nice you feel great. Reward systems fire up inside you and how you see the world changes.

Look outward at them, forget about you. Enjoy them !
New subtext - what is there to like and enjoy about THEM !

If they happen to say something to you, you don't want to hurt their feelings, have them feel rejected. Show you accept them. A little word, a friendly smile will communicate to them that, you like them. Then it's done. It's a small thing but then they'll know you are a friend to them. Always looking outward at THEM and how they feel instead of only ever seeing you.