So every year around New Years I start to get really worried about how the next year is going to go, and how everything is going to work out, and if everything is going to be great, and I get this panic. And this has happened for probably the last 7 New Years Eves, since I was young.

But this year this panic isn't there. It's terrifying me that something normal that usually is there, isn't, and I feel this depressed, numb feeling. Is this dissociation and if so how can I stop it?? I don't want to worry about the New Year but I want to at least feel SOMETHING about it. I want to feel excited or have something to look forward to but I feel blank, empty, nothingness. I don't know if I'm depressed or sick or what, and it's really freaking me out inside but on the outside I feel as though I'm just numb and no time is passing and I don't have to think about the future.