I am 30 years old and feel unmotivated, I feel lazy to try anything, I wasted my 20s procastinating, letting anxiety get to me, had low self esteem, social anxiety all my life.
Don't know why but I am thick at a lot of things, I find social situations confusing and still unable to fit in.
In fact, social situations tire me.
I work at home with my parents, I have to like it, well pretend to like it, despite feeling frustrated inside, bored of my life, want to do something different, but right now, I can't be bothered anymore.
I have no choice without others making changes, it's not so easy to pack up and leave.
I hate waking up in the morning, I hate to do anything. Even though I do help around, "work" I hate it. I don't want to work, even though I must. But I'd hate to be on the dole or doing nothing all day.
I don't see the point anymore. You live in this world to just work to serve others, you carry on a family buisness, in my case a farm, because thats what your parents and grand parents and great grandparents have been doing and its your heritage.
Besides, its unprofitable and boring anyways.
My parents are old now, most people my age have grown up to be responsible and know what they are doing and what thry want from life...
I sometimes I feel like wanting to escape, book a plane or train ticket out of the country, maybe work abroad. I have the savings, French seems to be tge only foreign language I know though..
I fear change, its uncomfortable and I don't know what to do or where to start..
I have no idea what I'd like to do instead. I once wanted to be an electrician in my early 20s, but I suck at maths. No matter how hard I tried.
All I know is that I am useless and clumsy at a lot of things. I feel lazy and unmotivated to try, I feel like a failure, everything I try goes wrong or not good enough,
I still rely on others to check if I'm doing things properly.
I feel I wasted too much of my time and I see it rushing ahea, now I feel like what's the point if anything anymore.