Originally Posted by
Buster70
I guess this is a slot I’d fit into but like a lot of people on here I have never really been given a label or diagnosed , surprising as at my worst I was hallucinating and crying like a baby but it’s not like a broken leg where Dr looks and goes that’s a broken leg you’ve got there .
my ongoing state started seven years ago after choking on some food , a bloody pork scratching of all things ( my own fault should have stuck with being a vegetarian) so I stopped breathing infront of my family and no one could help , obviously I survived the incident after a trip to hospital but I couldn’t stop going over and over what had happened and how it could have turned out differently, after no sleep for a couple of weeks the doc said try antidepressants but didnt actually say what they were , they just opened up my mind even more to a point where I started to think I might be in a coma dreaming or maybe I did die that night , anyway long and short it opened up a can of worms I doubt I will ever get the lid back on .
so no anxiety , depression or ptsd ever actually formally diagnosed,it may well be on my records but never said to me or written down .
Ive seen the crisis team , psychiatrist , therapist and done CBT , the only time anyone said this is what’s wrong with you was the therapist who I told everything to and she said you seem to have PTSD , she suggested some eye movement type therapy but it never happened .
The other problem was which event started the ptsd, I know which one brought it to a head but I think it started way before porkscratchygate, I saw a boy killed when I was ten which is still a fresh memory, an older lad tried to drown me at about the same age , I had a bad trip on mushrooms at seventeen and ended up in hospital, my dad dropped dead infront of me at 29 , and being told my daughter was going to die after an overdose which she pulled through. Plus one thing I can’t put on here that I haven’t spoken to anyone about and probably never will .
All of these memories cannot be erased but it would be good to know what the hell to do with them .
This brings me on to triggers , hospitals bring most events back but I can’t avoid them , virtually every time I go to hospital with family it triggers my worst fears . Next is eating I have a massive fear of choking again, if a crumb goes down the wrong hole instant panic sets in to a point where my throat physically closes up , this also extends to other people especially family, if they start coughing I panic until they’ve stopped , again none of this can be avoided .
life is unpredictable and situations that some would consider dangerous don’t bother me but my past experiences have left a mark on my mind that cant be taken away ,I guess its a way of protecting me but to an extreme that has taken over my life .
Anyway that’s me in a nutshell or nuts’hell , would a ptsd lable change anything? Probably not .
ps feeling about as shite as hell lately, anxious all day and the vivid night terrors are back , all bloody good fun .
Take care , sweet dreams .