The food thing is a really issue. I'm 6' tall, pretty broad, and currently weight 10 1/2 stone, it looks awful, and I know it isn't helping. I will make a real effort to address this, as I know it's a real problem for me.

Undereating forces your body to run on adrenaline?

It's the cognitive side to mine that frighten me, it's like my mind spirals down a hole and I can't get it back, and don't know where the bottom is going to be, I can't even describe it properly, but that might make sense to someone who's suffered them.

Learning to not fear the panic is obviously the ultimate goal, but I can't even imagine reaching that point, as, like most people, they terrify me.