Thanks - I agree the increased anxiety was probably more to do with the increased dose than the exercise.
Yesterday and today (so far) have been reasonable days. I walked to the pharmacy about mid-day yesterday to pick up my 20mg prescription (I've been taking 2 of the 10mg tablets and will do so until they're used up). This also helped me to get my daily dose of exercise!
I did notice some tight-chestedness yesterday afternoon and evening, but it calmed down as the day wore on. My intrusive thoughts were more in the background - and while I was busy with other things in the evening, I even had a couple of moments where I forgot about my anxiety and my thoughts, if only for a few minutes.
That's the first time I've experienced that so far during this anxiety episode, so it gives me hope I can get better. Also, in the last day or so, that all-pervasive sense of hopelessness seems to have lifted quite a bit.
When I get the intrusive thoughts about dying, I'm finding it a bit easier to challenge them. I remind myself that I'm young and physically healthy and that I probably have several decades ahead of me.
Sometimes I still get a sense of dysphoria about my age - I'm 36 but I feel like I should still be in my early 30s rather than my mid 30s. I feel like the 4 years from 2016-2019 inclusive have gone fairly quickly, but that's probably because I was mentally healthy during those years and I enjoyed them (I was stable on citalopram then from my last major anxiety episode in 2015). However, I have always had a sense of dysphoria about my age - for example when I was in my late 20s, I felt like I should still be in my early 20s, when I was in my early 20s I felt like I should still be a teenager, but when I turned 13 I often wished I was still 12, as that was the cut-off point for some of the childhood activities I used to enjoy. I can still clearly remember having my photo taken with a box of chocolates when I was 8 years old, and I remember feeling too old, like I thought I should still be 5 or 6! It's quite strange - I'm not sure if this ties in with my Asperger's/autism. Also, people have always said I look much younger than I really am (which I'm pleased about). Whenever I feel like I should be younger, I have to remind myself that I was lucky to be a child in the late 80s and 90s and see the development of technology and the internet first hand. If I had been born a decade later, I wouldn't have known what the world was like before the internet became widespread.
Today I went for a walk with my mum around the local area. We walked along some paths I'd never been down before, even though I've lived here all my life! They were shortcut woodland paths connecting different roads. For tomorrow, I've arranged with my sister to go back to the beach we went to on Tuesday last week. So I have that to look forward to.
Another thing I forgot to mention is that last night I noticed one of my teeth seems to have changed shape, as if a piece has been chipped off. Thankfully it doesn't hurt at all. I'm always very sensitive to any changes in my body like this.