And I was doing so well...

I knew that a global pandemic would be rotten for my HA. I’ve been managing quite well for the past 5 years(ish?) with occasional worried thoughts being managed through meditation and mindfulness. I’m fortunate in that I can mostly work from home, so when the pandemic hit I was able to make myself feel safe. However, I got thrown into a rotten work situation that lasted far too long and has taken a toll on my mental health.

I’m currently on a short leave from work, trying to manage my stress. I’m talking to a social worker once per month. Tuesday I got my first shot of the OAZ and unfortunately have had the full dose of flu like symptoms - fever, chills, aches - and also a huge dose of HA to go along with. Thanks brain.

Thing is, intellectually I KNOW I’m okay. I know this is fine (and although I still feel kind of crummy, I do feel better than I did yesterday). But I’m back in the land of feeling every twinge and sensation my body has to offer and thinking it’s a sign of impending disaster. Heck I freaked myself out last night with the sensation of falling asleep... how silly is that?!

I KNOW the vaccine is as safe if not safer than many other medical interventions (including ones I’ve been on... for years). But it’s that old
HA thing of worrying that you’ll be that one in a million. And I guess there’s no guarantee that I won’t be... but the odds are not in favour of something disastrous happening to me.

Anyway, I am working on my HA. I’m doing my best to make myself feel better. But it’s all a little like chipping at marble with a banana at the moment. So I wanted to come on here and get it out where people understand. My family is supportive of me, but they really don’t get how it feels to have this.