Mother Nature is giving me an @rse kicking with an early menopause. Bear with me!!
I'm 51 and most women are just starting theirs. I'm TEN YEARS POST MENO - which means that my collagen (that what makes ya skin all nice plump) has farked off and left me looking like 'Madge' off
Benidorm. Now I have a turkey neck - which seems to have appeared overnight? I'm understanding now why my mother took to looking
up so much? I thought she was just going for the 'superior' look, but it seems that she was most likely stretching out the old turkey gobbler for a more streamlined look? Trouble was that my mother's nostrils were not of insignificant proportions. This is a thing in our family and it comes from
her side. When we look up, people surrender. You get me? So while Mum was trying to deflect attention from her turkey gobbler, she was creating another issue by constantly flaunting her shotgun nostrils complete with nasal hair!
I don't know how old you are Toby, but I
do understand body dysmorphia. I once saw a fat body when, in reality, I was underweight by two and a half stone..
I grew up thinking I was ugly (and a lot of other things) thanks to some hardcore bullying at school and people who claimed to love me. They projected their own self-esteem issues and insecurities onto me and it took me a long time to see that. What I saw in the mirror was
hideous, but it wasn't
real Toby. I had pictures taken during those times when I considered myself 'ugly' and when I look at those pictures now I see something else? Youthfulness. A cracking smile - that's rare in photographs, but when it's there, my eyes look twinkly! And my eyes are one of my best features because they're odd, like the rest of me.
'Beauty' is subjective and very much a case of being in the 'eye of the beholder'. My husband comes over all Sid James when I wear shorts, even now, whereas I just see two tree trunks with cellulite on them?
Society has a lot to answer for and I'm SO GLAD that 'influencers' in Norway (I think?) now have to disclose, by law, any editing to their selfies. I'm also glad to see adverts that actually show
real women with cellulite, flab, skin conditions, scars, tummies, and ageing skin - and looking a-mazing!
I can assure you that you are
not seeing yourself as others see you. This is because you have a mental disorder. Everybody on this planet, including those considered to be the most attractive people - have
flaws. When you look at an image in a magazine, it's been edited. It's
deceptive. Those people look as manky as the rest of when they wake up!
You
are preoccupied with your looks, but it's not vanity; it's an illness. You need some help with this. Maybe some CBT to challenge your thoughts about yourself or to find out where this stems from?
You can take as many pictures of yourself as you like but there will
always be those unflattering ones. We
all have them, and we
all have one side which looks better than the other..
I'd be interested to know how you developed this disorder Toby? If it's because you've been bullied in the past, I can assure you that the only real ugliness is the behaviour of those who said mean things to you. If it's because you've fallen for the illusion of beauty in the media, then hopefully we are starting to go in the right direction with this. Don't even think of doing
anything to your face or body surgery wise until you've seen a therapist!
By your own admission, you have nice eyes and that's a MASSIVE PLUS! Also good hair? THat makes you the envy of many a bloke for a start! And I'm 100% that you have many other good things that people will envy you for..
The best piece of advice I can give you is this...
Beauty, as in
real beauty, comes from within. I've known some very beautiful looking people with very
ugly personalities, and personally I go for a nice personality
every time..
All the best...