Would love a virtual hug or words of wisdom

[WorryRaptor]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low and overwhelmed, WR..I just wondered whether you had ever talked frankly to your Mum about the pressure you feel you are under to be the "successful" coper of a daughter whereas in reality you are struggling with chronic pain and the challenges posed by ADHD which the family has preferred to blank out as insignificant

Do you think she is frightened of anything related to mental health in the family? Does she have understanding of MH issues or is this something to be brushed under the carpet?

Thank you

I've tried as best I can to explain to her, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. I'm uncertain if she is able to empathise if I'm honest. She has always been like that. I sort of hold out hope that one day it will click with her, but at this stage in my life, I've given up trying with her.

I think she genuinely views mental health problems as a weakness, and any neurodevelopmental issues she takes as a personal insult, if it's even suggested anybody in the family has them. When I was being assessed for ADHD as an adult, she was extremely preoccupied with making sure the therapist knew how smart I was, and how I was "gifted" because I had a high IQ. She genuinely seems to view ADHD as "stupid", and somehow a reflection on her. When I was officially diagnosed with ADHD, she couldn't care less about the relief I felt, or how I was looking forward to making changes now that I understood what I was struggling with. It seemed more like she just wanted it all to be over and done with.

However, with something like depression, she will immediately embrace it as a very real thing, but has a rather cruel habit of pointing out the less flattering moments that come with a depressive episode. She almost seems to enjoy describing it. I have a couple of more distant family members with with depression, some with ADHD or autism alongside it, and she is pretty narrowminded about them too. One family member, who has battled severe depression their entire life, and who is one of the strongest, smartest, and caring people I know, struggles with bouts of agoraphobia. My mum thought it was all a bit "over the top" that this person couldn't leave their house, and seems to think they're perpetuating the whole thing instead of just going outside.

In a way, I'm thankful she is the way she is, because it made me so much more determined to help others around me. My siblings are the same. We try to make sure everybody we know feels heard, and that their emotions are always valid. Whether I succeed at that, I'm not sure, but I can't bear the thought of another person feeling as invalidated as I did growing up.